


An Unexpected Angel

by tiffanygray1987



Series: Second Chances [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Autism, Depression, Disabilities, F/M, Gollum - Freeform, Lord of the Rings, Mental Illness, Romance, Sappy, Smeagol - Freeform, The Hobbit - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:49:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 69
Words: 55,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24626533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiffanygray1987/pseuds/tiffanygray1987
Summary: Cheyenne is both Autistic and visually impaired, and struggles with relationships, both platonic and romantic. Her older sister, Hayley, introduced her to Lord of the Rings, and Cheyenne is immediately drawn to the character, Sméagol. She relates to his story, and finds comfort in him as a whole. One day, while at her favorite relaxation spot, she meets a creature who just so happens to be the real Sméagol, and the two form a strong friendship. However, they both still have their own inner demons and hardships to overcome, but all the trials and tribulations only bring them closer together, making them stronger.
Relationships: Gollum | Sméagol & Original Female Character(s)
Series: Second Chances [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1780510
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

It was mid April, and I was getting ready for a date with my boyfriend. I used my fingers to apply my makeup. I can’t see well enough to use a mirror, so it’s much easier for me to use my sense of feel. I slipped into a pink dress that my mother bought for me. It was one of my favorite dresses, nice and loose and sensory friendly. Then, I slid my feet into my favorite white dressy sandals. I brushed my hair, put on my lipstick, and sprayed myself with my favorite perfume, I sat on my bed, and patiently waited for him to pick me up. I began to lose myself in thoughts of him, and I couldn’t help but smile.

For many years, I had known nothing but heartbreak, betrayal, and yes, even abuse, from past relationships, both platonic and romantic. The only person who ever truly understood me was my older sister, Hayley.

We always had an unconventional relationship. Most sisters fight and bicker, but Hayley and I were best friends. She’s looked after me since I was little, and she’s always been there for me.

See, I’m both Autistic and visually impaired, and on top of that, our father died when I was still a baby, which made things so hard on Mom. Having to raise two girls as a single mom is hard enough. Try having to raise two girls alone when one of them has two disabilities. However, things got a little easier when Hayley decided to help Mom take care of me. She helped cook our meals, helped me get ready in the mornings, and even helped me with my homework when I got home from school. Not only that, but she was always there to cheer me up after a bad day. I was heavily bullied for being “different” from all the other kids. Even some of the teachers bullied me. I would often come home in tears, and I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. Why did people hate me so much? Hayley would hug me, and tell me she loved me just the way I am. I would smile at her, and tell her I felt the same about her. Then, she would help me get my homework done, and always had a way of making homework time fun.

After we finished our homework, she and I would hit the piano with Mom for music lessons. She taught us both how to play, and gave us both voice lessons. Since I can’t read music, I learned by ear instead. Music was so special to the three of us. It was our favorite way to bond, and for me, it was a great way to express myself.

When I was a teenager, I started writing my own songs. Since I couldn’t write music, I would record the melody and music on tape, and played it back to memorize the song.

When we were both all grown up, Hayley moved out, and invited me to come live with her. She had been working for a while, and could afford a nice little house for the two of us. Now, we both live together, and she still looks after me. There’s a lot I can’t do for myself, such as cooking, cleaning, and laundry, but she does it for me. I often feel like I’m a burden to her, an obligation. I feel so guilty, like I’m taking advantage of her, but she constantly reassures me that she doesn’t mind. Still, I try my best to show her my appreciation.

To this day, she and I still make music together. We each write our own songs, but we also write and sing songs together. Music is our love language. Well, one of them.

Every week, Hayley took me out to Callahan’s Irish Pub for dinner and karaoke, and that is where I met my best friend, Abby Coggins. Hayley and I also joined the community choir––the Greenflower Choral Society, which is where I met my boyfriend, Logan Coolidge. Hayley also pulled some strings to get me a few paid singing gigs at different nursing homes. Yeah, I would say I have the most amazing sister on the planet.

So, Abby and I had been best friends for three years. Out of all the friends I had made and lost over the years, I felt like Abby was the only one, besides Hayley, I could truly be myself around. She never judged me, never made me feel less about myself, and was always there to make me smile. She became my other sister very quickly.

Logan and I had been together for a little over a year, but we were best friends beforehand. He knew all about my past relationships, and compared to all the other guys I dated, he was completely different. He was gentle, sweet, honest, kind, and funny, and he never put me down, never intimidated me, or tried to hurt me. He was everything I’d been looking for in a guy.

Logan and Abby also formed a strong friendship with Hayley, and the four of us had our own little friendship circle. We would all create music together, go out to karaoke, and just hang out. We were even all fans of the same musical group, Celtic Woman. We would often watch their concert DVDs while stuffing our faces with popcorn and other junk foods, and we even went to see them in concert together. If you’re wondering, yes, we had backstage passes to meet them, and they were some of the nicest people we’d ever met. For me and Hayley, however, that wasn’t our first Celtic Woman concert. We’ve seen them a total of nine times, and been to six meet and greets.

Yes, after years of endless crap and misery, I was finally happy. I had everything I’d always dreamed of––a career in music, awesome friends, and the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. I finally found people who accepted me for me.


	2. Chapter 2

“Cheyenne!” The sound of Hayley calling to me from downstairs suddenly brought me back to Earth. “Logan’s here!”

I jumped up, grabbed my purse, and hurried down the stairs. “How do I look?” I asked.”

Hayley smiled. “Gorgeous.” Then, she looked again. “Wait.” She stepped closer, and gently rubbed my face. “Just fixing your makeup.”

I grinned.

“There, perfect.”

“Thanks,” I said as the doorbell rang. I opened the door to see Logan standing there with a cute smile on his face. I can’t see facial expressions very well, but I could always recognize that adorable smile.

“Well, don’t you look pretty?” Logan flirted.

I beamed at the sound of his southern accent. “Thanks,” I said giddily as I stepped forward, and reached out to hold his arm. I flashed the biggest smile. “Oh, my gosh!” I laughed. “Your sweater is so soft!”

Logan chuckled. “I knew you’d like that.”

Hayley giggled. “She’s gonna be all over you now.”

“That’s what I was goin’ for,” Logan joked.

“Yeah, okay, get outta here,” Hayley teased.

I snickered as I hugged Hayley.

“Have fun, Sweetie,” she said, returning the hug, and turning to Logan. “Take care of her.”

“I always do,” Logan replied.

Hayley nodded as Logan led me to his truck. She waved to us. “Bye, guys! Have fun!”

“Bye!” I called back as Logan helped me in.

Logan took me out to eat at our favorite burger and pizza joint, since his favorite food was cheeseburgers and mine was pepperoni pizza. This particular restaurant always made the best burgers and pizza. The service was excellent, and the prices were very low. It was our goto place every time we went out to dinner. Even when we had picnics in the park, we stopped there to pick up food to go.


	3. Chapter 3

After we finished eating, we went back to his place to watch one of Celtic Woman’s concert DVDs. We snuggled up on the couch under a soft, knitted blanket, and lost ourselves in the beautiful music. I nuzzled up in his arms, and rubbed my hands over his sleeves, grinning and giggling like a little girl.

“What are you doing?” he teased.

“Your sweater is so soft and fluffy,” I said in a silly voice.

Logan laughed softly as he cuddled me. “You’re so cute.”

I sunk deeper into the softness of his sweater. “I feel like I’m being hugged by a giant teddy bear.”

Logan wrapped the blanket around me, and held me closer, caressing my backside. “Well, I feel like I’m huggin’ a beautiful princess.” He kissed my cheek.

I giggled as I lay very still in his arms, surrounded by the softness of his sweater and the blanket. I was in sensory heaven. What made it even more magical was the music and the person holding me. It was a special moment, and I didn’t want it to end. I looked up at his beautiful face. It looked so warm and kind. So much love radiated from him. I felt so blessed. This beautiful, wonderful, sweet man was holding me in his arms, and I felt so loved and wanted, something I never felt in past relationships. “I love you,” I sighed happily.

Logan smiled warmly. “I love you, too, Sweetheart.” He ran his fingers through my hair. I usually hated when people messed with my hair, but I liked when he played with it. It felt so good, almost tickling my scalp. “Your hair is so long,” he remarked. “It’s beautiful.” As he played with my hair, he softly sang along with the current song playing––Celtic Woman’s breath-taking rendition of “My Heart Will Go On.”

I wiped a few tears from my eyes. His voice was so warm and lovely. I smiled at him as I listened to him sing. I eventually fell asleep in the comfort of his arms.

I woke up a couple hours later, and looked around. I was in his room, in his bed, but I didn’t see him there. Then, I heard the toilet flush in his bathroom, and the sink turn on. Okay, I thought. I guess he just had to poop. I laughed to myself as he opened the door, and tiptoed back in.

“Oh,” he said happily, “you’re awake.”

“Oh, really?” I teased. “I thought I was still asleep. I guess that explains why I had my eyes open.”

Logan laughed. “Alright, smartass.”

“Better than being a dumbass.”

Logan jokingly glared at me. “Watch it,” he teased.

“Oh, please. I’m not scared of you.”

“Well, you should be.”

“Why? Watcha gonna do, huh?”

Logan grabbed the knitted blanket, jumped on the bed, and started tickling me with it.

I burst out laughing.

“That’ll teach you!” Logan laughed.

“Oh, shit!” I shrieked, “I’m about to piss your bed!”

Logan stopped immediately, still laughing. “Well, get your butt into the bathroom, woman. I don’t want no piss in my bed.”

I got up from the bed, and hurried into the bathroom, still laughing to myself. I came out a couple minutes later, and saw Logan removing his clothes. I suddenly felt very turned on. I walked up to him, and kissed him passionately as we sat down on the bed together. We made out for a little while. In past relationships, I never liked making out. I often found myself only wanting a brief kiss or a peck. If the guy wanted more, I would grin and bear it to please him, even though I was practically suffocating under the mounds of spit and stinky breath. With Logan, it was different. His kisses were warm, soft, and dry, and his breath didn’t smell like the sewers. Not only that, but kissing him was so amazing and hot that I didn’t want to stop.

While we kissed, he gently moved his hands from my cheeks down to my breasts. Then, he slowly made his way down to the bottom of my dress. He lifted up my skirt as a hint to me. I helped him lift it, until we both lifted my dress over my head, revealing nothing but a black bra and matching panties. He lifted my bra over my head, and laid me down on the bed, removing my panties, and throwing them across the room. I snickered as I saw them getting caught in the blinds. He crawled into bed, and pulled me close, kissing me passionately, and directing his kisses downward towards my chest. Then, I spread my legs, allowing him room, and we went to town.

We were both out of breath and very satisfied when it was over, I lay still, catching my breath as he moved towards me, lying down, and wrapping his arms around me.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too,” I responded.

Then, we both turned our gaze towards the window, and burst out laughing when we saw my black underwear still hanging from the blinds.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, I went to the mall with Hayley and Abby. The three of us were treating ourselves to a shopping spree.

Abby came out of the dressing room, trying on a green sundress.

“Gorgeous,” Hayley and I said.

“Really?” Abby inquired. “You don’t think it makes me look fat?”

“Heck no,” I said.

“Sweetie, you are not fat,” said Hayley, “not in the least bit.”

“The people who told you that are all idiots.”

Hayley nodded in agreement.

Abby smiled graciously. “Thanks, guys.”

We shopped for a few more spring and summertime outfits. Then, we went to the food court for lunch.

“So, how was your date with Logan last night?” Abby asked me.

“Awesome,” I said with a giddy smile. “We went out to eat at our usual place. Then, he took me back to his place, and we watched Celtic Woman, and then…”

“And, then… what?” Hayley asked.

“You had sex,” Abby whispered, “didn’t you?”

I blushed and giggled.

Hayley and Abby smiled eagerly.

“How was it?” Hayley whispered.

“Amazing,” I squealed softly. Just in case any of you were wondering, yes, it was my first time. I told them all about the experience while trying not to get too graphic, seeing as we were eating. They burst into snickers and giggles when I told them about the underwear getting caught in the blinds.

“You did use condoms, right?” Hayley inquired.

I nodded. “And, he pulled out.” Even though I was on birth control, I still wanted to be super careful.

“Good, ‘cuz I know you don’t wanna get pregnant.”

“No.”

“Does he know you don’t want kids?” asked Abby.

“Yeah,” I replied. “We talked about it the other day. He understands, and he said he’s okay with it. I hope so, because if he’s not… I don’t wanna be the one to take that away from him. Kids are great, but I know my limits, and I know I can’t handle being a parent. Just…” I sighed heavily. “I really love him, and… I meant what I said when I said I would do anything for him, but… that’s the one thing I can’t do for him.”

“Well, I’m sure if he had any issues with it, he would tell you,” Hayley said reassuringly.

Abby nodded in agreement.

“Yeah,” I said, unsure, “I just hope it’s not a deal-breaker for us.”

“That guy loves you like no other,” said Abby. “I don’t think he’s going anywhere.”

As much as I wanted to fully agree with Abby, I still had that fear of losing him in the back of my head.

After lunch, we decided to do a little more shopping. We headed to Barnes & Noble, and browsed around for a bit.

“Oh, my gosh,” Hayley said. “They have the extended editions of all the Lord of the Rings movies on sale.” She marched up to the DVDs, and grabbed all three of the movies she wanted.

Yes, my sister was the biggest Lord of the Rings fan. She would tell me all about the movies and the books, which got me a little curious myself. However, for some dumb reason, I never got around to watching the movies.

“Awwwww!” Hayley cried. “They have a cute little Sméagol plush doll!” She hurried over to the display, and gently grabbed the doll from the shelf. It was a life-sized, plush doll of the character, Sméagol/Gollum from Lord of the Rings.

“Whoa,” Abby said in amazement, “he looks so real.”

“I know!” Hayley squeaked. “He’s so cute. Cheyenne, look!” she cried, showing the doll to me.

I looked at the doll for a moment, and I felt a few tears welling up. Even though I didn’t really know who Sméagol was, the doll was so beautiful. I became a little more curious about the movies. I need to watch them sometime, I thought to myself. Hayley handed me the doll to hold. I hugged him. He was so soft and squishy and snuggly. I smiled like a little girl at Christmas.

“How much is it?” asked Abby.

Hayley looked at the price tag and smiled. “Only twenty bucks,” she said. “Not bad.”

“You gonna get it?”

“Um, duh,” Hayley teased.

Abby and I snickered as the three of us headed for the register to pay for the DVDs and the doll. Then, we continued with our shopping spree. Off to the music store, which is where Hayley worked. While we were there, she bought me some recording equipment and software, a microphone stand, and a pop screen for my mic.

When we arrived home later, Hayley installed the software onto my computer, and showed me how to use everything. Surprisingly, I picked up on it very quickly. Oh, my gosh! I was so excited to finally be able to record songs with professional sounding studio equipment! I couldn’t wait to get started. I knew exactly what the first thing I wanted to do was.


	5. Chapter 5

For the next few days, I dove into my work, recording songs up the wazoo, editing and mixing the tracks, and finally, burning them onto a disc. I decorated and wrote on the disc to make it look nice. I printed out my favorite picture of Logan and I, just the right size to fit in the front of the CD case. I printed out a list of songs to insert into the back. Then, I wrapped it with red-heart wrapping paper.

The next Saturday afternoon, I had plans to go on a picnic with Logan. I dressed in a blue sundress and my white sandals. I packed a CD player, a BlueTooth speaker, and the wrapped CD into a small bag, and headed out the door. “Bye, Hayley!” I called to my sister.

“Bye, Cheyenne!” Hayley answered back. “Have fun!”

I headed for a nearby field with beautiful evergreen trees and a pond with pure, clear water. I would often go to this field to enjoy the warm sunlight, listen to my music, relax, and get lost in my own little world. It was easy to get to. It was within walking distance from my house, and yes, when I went there alone, I always took my phone.

I saw Logan laying out a picnic blanket, and digging in a huge picnic basket for the food, drinks, and other supplies.

“Hey!” he greeted, putting everything down and giving me a big hug and a peck on the cheek.

“Hi.” I smiled as we both sat down on the blanket.

“What you got there?”

“I made you a present.”

Logan smiled mischievously. “Oh, a present, huh?”

“Yep.” I grinned awkwardly as I dug in the bag, and handed him the wrapped CD.

He tore off the paper, and smiled when he saw a picture of the two of us on the front cover of the CD. “What is this?” He looked at the song list on the back. “Is this a love song compilation you made?”

“Something like that,” I said as I pulled out the CD player and speaker.

“Oh, you wanna listen to it while we eat?”

I nodded as I opened the CD slot, and logan slipped the disc inside. I placed the equipment to the side on the blanket, hit “Play,” and the first song began to play.

Logan’s face lit up as soon as he heard my voice coming out of the speaker. “Wait… that’s you,” he said happily.

I nodded with a mouth full of food.

“You recorded a whole CD of love songs for me?”

“Yep, I did.”

“So, you went to an actual studio just to make me a CD? How did you afford that?”

“Actually, Hayley bought me my own recording equipment and software, and she got an employee discount.”

“Well, still, you put in all that work for me?”

I smiled. “Logan… when I said I would do anything for you, I meant that.”

Logan looked at me lovingly. I leaned in, and kissed him softly.

“I love you, Cheyenne,” Logan said sweetly, holding my face in his hands as he continued kissing me. “I love you so much.”


	6. Chapter 6

We continued eating and chatting away as we listened to the CD.

“How’s your pizza?” asked Logan.

“Awesome, as always,” I said. “How’s your burger?”

“Great.”

“So, have you heard from Lucy yet?” Lucy is our choir director.

“Yep, got an e-mail from her yesterday.”

“And?”

“I got the solo.”

I gasped excitedly. “Yes! I knew you would get it!”

“What about you? Are you gonna try out for one of the solos?”

“Nah, not this time.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve gotten so many solos in past concerts already. There’s a lot of singers in the choir with amazing voices that deserve solos. I wanted to give them a chance, too.”

Logan smiled warmly at me. “Aww, that’s sweet.”

“Well, it’s just… I don’t wanna get a reputation as the ‘star’ of the choir, the girl who gets all the solos, and everyone else doesn’t, you know?”

“I know what you mean. You don’t want people to think of you as a diva?”

“Nope. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love when I get a solo, but… in the past, I’ve been called a diva before, because well, I acted like one. Ugh.” I cringed as I remembered my childhood days.

“What are you talkin’ about?” Logan said with a silly grin.

“Well, when I was a kid, I was really into Disney Princesses, and I wanted to be a real princess.”

“Awww, that’s cute.”

“Not really, because I would act like a little bitch. I dressed up in princessy dresses all the time, and acted like I was all that with a side of curly fries. I was so picky about what shoes I would wear if I was ever wearing a pretty dress. I always had to wear dressy shoes. Never tennis shoes, or I would throw a hissy fit. I mean, I still don’t like wearing tennis shoes with a nice dress, but I’m not an ass about it now. And, I always had to wear my little princess tiara with my outfit, or I would lose my mind. If anyone ever messed with me or picked on me, or whenever grown-ups would yell at me, I would act like the biggest drama queen, like all those people were evil villains messing with a ‘beautiful princess.’ Ugh! Oh, my God! I’m cringing just saying it out loud.”

Logan just laughed.

“Yeah, be glad you didn’t know me when I was that little brat.”

“Well, I guess it makes sense you’d act like that, though. People treated you like shit. Being a princess was a defense mechanism.”

“Yeah, a terrible one,” I scoffed. “I can’t believe my mom didn’t beat my ass.”

“Because, she knew you were hurtin’, Sweetheart. Nobody ever stood up for you, so you had to do it all yourself. Your princess persona was your shield.”

“But, I should’ve known better than to act like that.”

“You were just a little girl, Sweetheart.”

“But, that still doesn’t excuse my behavior. Lots of little girls acted better than that.”

“Yeah, but I’m sure Autism played a role in it also.”

“Maybe, but still. Even if I was a princess, a true princess doesn’t act like a snob. The Disney Princesses are all sweet, kind, humble, caring, and strong women, not rude, snotty drama bitches. If I wanted to be like a Disney Princess, I should’ve followed that example.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I think you’re just like a Disney Princess now.”

I blushed. “Really?”

“You’re kind, strong, and caring, and in my eyes, the most beautiful woman I know.”

I smiled at Logan. “Well, in my eyes, you’re my Prince Charming. You’re everything Prince Charming represents––kind, loyal, patient, accepting, encouraging, and uplifting, and someone I know I can trust.”

Logan laughed softly, and kissed me on the cheek.


	7. Chapter 7

After lunch, Logan placed the picnic basket and my bag next to the CD player, still playing my CD. He lay back on the blanket next to the CD player, and I laid my head down on his stomach. He ran his fingers through my hair.

“Hayley bought the Lord of the Rings DVDs the other day,” I said randomly.

“She did?” Logan inquired. “Did she get the extended editions?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“That’s good. I know she’s a big Lord of the Rings fan.”

“Yeah, she is. She talks about it all the time.”

“Have you watched the movies?”

“No, but I keep meaning to. I really want to, but… I don’t know. Life gets in the way, you know? I’m so focused on my music and… you.” I laughed awkwardly.

Logan smirked. “You’ll probably like it. You know, Celtic Woman did a couple songs from it.”

“Yep, they sang ‘May It Be’ on their first album.”

“Yep, from the first movie, The Fellowship of the Ring. They also did a cover of ‘I See Fire’ from the second Hobbit movie, The Desolation of Smaug.”

“Yeah, on their Destiny album.”

“That’s right.”

“Best cover I’ve ever heard of that song. Then again, it’s Celtic Woman. When is a song they do not good?”

Logan chuckled. “I agree one hundred percent.”

“I mean, they could cover a song I hated, and make me fall in love with it.”

“I know what you mean. So… who’s her favorite character?”

“Huh?” I was a little thrown off by the sudden subject change.

“From Lord of the Rings?”

“Oh, pfff, duh,” I snickered. “I think it’s Sméagol?” I said, unsure. “Is that his name?”

“Yep, you got it.”

“She bought a life-sized Sméagol plush doll, too.”

“Well, that’s neat.”

“Yeah, it looks so real, but not in a creepy way.”

“I never thought Sméagol was creepy. I always felt bad for him.”

“Why? What happened to him?”

“He was corrupted by the One Ring.”

“Uhhh…”

Logan told me Sméagol’s whole story, how his cousin, Déagol, found the ring, how it corrupted Sméagol, how Gollum came into existence, everything, and he explained it in a simplified way my Autistic brain was able to comprehend.

One of my many Autistic traits is difficulty grasping certain kinds of information. I had a hard time with certain subjects in school, because I couldn’t really understand the material. The textbooks and lectures were like Gibberish to me, until my amazing sister explained it in a way I could understand.

Sméagol’s tragic story nearly reduced me to tears. I was so blown away. “Wow,” I said, trying to swallow my tears. “That’s really sad.” I brushed back a few tears. “Crap, I’m trying not to cry.”

Logan caressed my head with a sweet smile. “It’s okay, Sweetie. I cried, too.”

“That’s another thing I love about you,” I said. “You’re not afraid to show your emotion. You don’t hide behind a ‘macho, tough-guy’ mask. You’re not afraid to cry, and that’s really beautiful.”

“I don’t believe in hiding my emotions just because I’m a guy. I’m human, too, and I have every right to express myself however I see fit. To hell with what society says. They wanna call me a sissy for crying, so be it. I don’t give a shit.”

“Yeah, they can take their opinions, and shove ‘em up their asses.”

“Exactly!”

“Plus, you have people who love you for who you are.”

“Yeah. My parents always taught me to be true to my own self.”

“And, look where it got you.” I gave him a flirty smile. “Someone fell in love with you for being yourself.”

Logan giggled as I kissed him softly.

“Maybe one day, you, me, and Hayley could watch Lord of the Rings together?” I suggested.

“That’d be great,” said Logan.


	8. Chapter 8

That Tuesday, like every Tuesday, was our weekly choir rehearsal, and I couldn’t wait to hear Logan’s solo. For our upcoming concert, we were performing a mix of Broadway show tunes and songs from movies. Logan’s solo was in a beautiful choral arrangement of “If I Can’t Love Her” from the Broadway musical version of Beauty and the Beast.

As we rehearsed, a big part of me wished I had a solo in one of the songs, but hearing others solos, I knew it was the right thing to do. There were so many talented people in this choir, and they deserved to have a moment to shine. One of them was my incredibly talented sister, Hayley, who had a solo in “Think of Me” from The Phantom of the Opera. Her solo was probably one of the most challenging, as it involved lilts, trills, and crazy high notes, but I knew Hayley could do it. I heard her practicing at home, and she nailed it every time.

When it was her turn to sing, she was a little nervous, but listening to her, nobody could tell. Her voice flowed so naturally with the lilts, trills, and high notes.

“Wow,” I said to myself. I’ve been listening to her sing since we were babies, but she never ceased to amaze me. To this day, I am still blown away by her ability.

Soon, it was Logan’s turn to show off, and oh, my gosh, he melted my heart! He had such a beautiful, soft, sweet tenor voice, but also very powerful when necessary. So much emotion in his solo. I could almost hear the pain in the Beast’s heart. I wiped away a few tears. I didn’t think it was even possible to fall even more in love with him than I already was, but boy, was I wrong.

That night, after rehearsal, I sat at my laptop, and wrote out some heartfelt lyrics for a song. It was hard to sum up my true feelings for Logan in just a few stanzas, because there was so much I wanted to say. When I finished, I carried my laptop into the music room, and sat at the piano, playing with possible melody ideas until everything finally came together. I played and sang the song to see how it sounded, and I was very satisfied with it. I recorded a rough audio file to use to practice the song. Then, I carried my laptop back up to my room, got ready for bed, and quickly fell asleep with a playlist of all of Celtic Woman’s songs playing in the background.


	9. Chapter 9

The next day, I met up with Abby for lunch at Callahan’s.

“So, when are you gonna play it for him?” she asked.

“Well, he’s coming over Friday for dinner and a movie night,” I said. “Maybe I’ll play it then. It’ll give me time to practice it a little more.”

“Aww, that’s an awesome idea.”

I sighed, almost wanting to cry. “You should've heard him during rehearsal last night, Abby. His solo for the concert, it was so beautiful. I’ve heard that song before, but never the way he sang it.”

“What song?”

“It’s called ‘If I Can’t Love Her’ from Beauty and the Beast, the Broadway musical version.”

“Oh, I love that song.”

“Me, too, but Logan made me love it even more.”

“I can’t wait to hear it. When’s the concert?”

“The end of May.”

“Awesome. I love your choir concerts.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I love choral music.”

“You should join.”

“I don’t think I’m good enough. You guys are amazing.”

“So are you. You’re plenty good enough.”

“Awww, you don’t have to be so nice. I know I suck.”

“No, you don’t,” I said with a smirk on my face. “Abby, one thing about me, I don’t suck up to people. When I compliment someone, I mean what I say. Plus, I’m a huge musical snob, and I can tell when someone can sing and when they suck. You don’t suck, and anyone who tells you that is a stupid farthead.”

Abby snickered. “Stupid farthead. You’re funny, Cheyenne.”

“Yeah, I’m so immature.”

“Me, too,” Abby laughed softly. “That’s why we’re such good friends.”

I smiled. Then, I changed the subject back to choir. “I can’t wait until you get to hear Hayley’s solo, too. Holy shit, she can hit those notes.”

“See, that’s what I’m talking about. I can’t hit those high notes like you and her can.”

“So? That doesn’t mean you suck. We need more altos anyway.”

“Do I need to audition?”

“Nope.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Okie dokie.”

Abby giggled. “You’re too cute.”

I grinned. “Thanks.”

After lunch, Abby drove me back home, and I invited her to come in for a few minutes before she had to go back to work. She followed me into the music room, and listened as I sang and played the song for her.

“So, what did you think?” I asked when I finished. I heard sniffling. I looked over, and saw Abby wiping her face.

“That was so beautiful, Cheyenne,” Abby wept. “Holy shit.”

“Wow, really?”

“Yeah. That song really captures your love for him.”

“Do you think he’ll like it?”

“Are you kidding?” Abby sniffled. “He’s gonna love it!”

I smiled awkwardly. “Wow, thanks, Abby.”

If you can, you need to get his reaction on camera.”

“I plan on recording the whole performance, and putting it on YouTube.”

“Good. You should.”

“Thanks, Abby.”

“You’re welcome. Well, Cheyenne, I gotta head back to work now, but I had so much fun hanging with you.”

“Me, too, and I’m glad you liked the song.”

“Girl, I freaking loved it.” Abby gave me a hug before she turned to head out. “I’ll see you later!” she called.

“Okay, bye!”

“Bye!”


	10. Chapter 10

That Friday, I picked out a few movies for Logan and I to watch, laid out a few fluffy blankets on the couch, and prettied myself up a bit. Since we were staying in, I didn’t go too hard this time. I did my makeup, brushed my hair, and slipped into a comfy sweater dress.

“I’ll wait until he gets here to order the pizza,” said Hayley. “I keep forgetting what kind he likes.”

“Okay, sounds good,” I agreed.

“Awww, you look so cute.” Hayley hugged me. “All ready for cuddling.”

I grinned. “Yeah, under a pile of fluffy sweater blankets.”

Hayley giggled. “I’ll get the chips and sodas out.”

“Okay.” I followed Hayley into the kitchen as we continued talking.

“So, you gonna play your song for him tonight?” she asked.

“Yep. Maybe while we wait for the pizza.”

“Sounds like a plan. It’s such a beautiful song, Cheyenne. I know he’s gonna love it.”

“Thanks.” Just then, my phone beeped. “Oh, that’s probably him.” I picked it up off the counter, and opened my text messaging app. Since I can’t read the tiny text on the screen, my phone has a screen reader that reads everything out for me. “Yep, it’s him. Hold on a sec.” I double tapped on his name to read his message.

“Cheyenne, there is something I really need you to understand. I really like you, and look, this is not easy for me in any way. I just can't do with a relationship right now. I can't really do with it right now. I know that it's really hard for you to understand this. Believe me; I take no pleasure in writing this message. I do love you. I'm just not ready for the whole relationship ordeal. I really hope you can understand what I'm saying. This is nothing against you, dear. You can trust me. I don't mean to hurt you in any way. Understand what I am saying, where I am coming from. I'm not giving up on you. I'm just not ready for this. This is not your fault. You’re still my friend.”

My heart sank to the pit of my stomach, and shattered into a million pieces.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Hayley said angrily. “Over a year together, and all of a sudden, he’s not ready? What the hell?!”

I didn’t even bother answering his message, nor did I even exit out of the app before shutting off the screen. I placed my phone back down on the counter, and stared at it for a moment, hoping he would message me back, saying it was all a mistake, that someone else sent that message, or that he didn’t mean any of it. However, I knew in my heart that it wasn’t a joke or a mistake. It was really over.

“Cheyenne… are you okay, Sweetie?” asked a worried Hayley.

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out for a few seconds. I couldn’t think of what to say. So many thoughts racing through my jolted brain, and then, I spoke. “I knew it was too good to be true.” And, with that, I exploded into an ocean of tears and uncontrollable wailing and sobbing.

Hayley threw her arms around me, and pulled me into a tight hug. “Shhhh, it’s okay, Sweetie,” she said softly. “It’s okay. I’m here. It’s gonna be okay, Sweetheart.”


	11. Chapter 11

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I rushed off to the bathroom to throw up. This is another Autistic trait of mine. I feel stress a lot deeper than most people. What isn’t stressful for most can be very stressful for me, and sometimes, stress can make me physically ill. This was one of those times.

When I finished throwing up after what seemed like an eternity, I flushed, cleaned myself up, and came out of the bathroom, still in tears. I made my way into the living room, and plopped my butt down on the sofa. I grabbed a pillow, placed it on the arm rest, and laid my head down.

Hayley tiptoed in, sat next to me, and put her hand on my head. “Hey,” she said sweetly. “You okay, Sweetie?”

“No,” I said weakly. “I feel like utter shit.”

“Aww, I know.” She caressed my forehead. “I know, Sweetie.”

“I don’t understand,” I wept. “Everything was going fine. I mean, we went on a picnic last weekend, and everything was perfect. Even after choir practice, everything was great. I told him how amazing his solo was, and we made plans for tonight. I didn’t have any warning. There were no signs he was getting ready to dump me. Did you see any?”

“No, I didn’t. He never seemed like he was pulling away.”

“Over a year together, and suddenly, out of nowhere, he decides he’s not ready to be with me.”

“I know. That doesn’t make any sense. And, he didn’t even have the decency to call you, or break up with you face-to-face. He sent a fucking text. That alone made me lose so much respect for him. And, his reason, there’s no way that’s what it was. You don’t stay with someone for as long as he did, go through everything you both did, and build a strong relationship to suddenly decide you’re not ready. That can’t be what it is.”

“I know. I’m afraid to ask him about it, though. He might turn it on me, and tell me that it actually was my fault, just like they all did before. Or, he’ll tell me something that’s really gonna hurt, even more than this.”

“I understand, Sweetie. I think it’s best not to talk to him for a while.”

“I don’t wanna talk to him. It’s too painful. Just hearing his voice will hurt too much.” I began sobbing again. “Damn it, I don’t know how I’m gonna handle choir rehearsal on Tuesday. I don’t wanna have to hear his voice, but I don’t wanna drop out of the concert.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s right. Well, I have an idea. When it’s his turn to sing, I’ll take you to the bathroom, until it’s over.”

“But, I have to rehearse the background vocals, though.”

“Well, I think you know them pretty well already, and if you don’t, we’ll practice them together when you’re ready.”

“But, what will Lucy think?”

“I think she’ll understand. She knows how hard you work, and she’s a sweet, reasonable, understanding person. She won’t mind if you have to excuse yourself. If she’s worried about you knowing your part, I’ll let her know you’ll practice at home, but I seriously don’t think she’ll have a problem with it. She’ll just be happy you’re still singing with us, even though it’s painful.” Then, she changed the subject. “Hey, you feeling better after your little barfing session?”

“A little,” I said.

“You still want something to eat? We can still have a movie night, and I’ll order pizza for us.”

“Sure.”

So, Hayley ordered large pepperoni pizzas, and we spent the rest of the evening watching funny movies and stuffing our faces with junk food. I was still hurting badly, but laughing and eating with my big sister helped take my mind off things for just a few hours.


	12. Chapter 12

However, that night, things were rough. As soon as I closed my bedroom door after getting ready for bed, I felt very alone and empty inside. My room seemed so dark and cold, even with the lights on. I crawled into bed, but I couldn’t even bring myself to close my eyes. I was so tired, but afraid to fall asleep. The last thing I wanted was to see Logan in my dreams. Just seeing his face drove a wrecking ball through my heart.

In the middle of the night, I got out of bed to lay down the framed pictures of him, so I wouldn’t have to look at them. I wasn’t anywhere near ready to throw them out. I didn’t want to see them, but the thought of throwing them out hurt too much.

I grabbed my phone, and ran into the bathroom. I sat on the toilet for a while, looking through everything––my text messages, Facebook, Messenger, everything, just to see if I got any new messages from him. Nothing. I went to my Facebook profile, and changed my relationship status to “Single.” Thank goodness Facebook no longer announced to everyone when someone became single, because I really didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. I knew what people would say. “Well, he’s not worth it.” “Move on.” “Be strong.” “Get over it.” “You’ll find love when you least expect it.” I was in no mood to deal with those invalidating and dismissive bullshit clichés. They would only make me feel worse.

I scrolled through my news feed to try and take my mind off things, see what my friends were up to. Everyone was asleep, though, and there was no one to talk to. All I had were the brief status updates from random people. After that, I had nothing. But, wait. There was YouTube. I opened my YouTube app, and looked for new videos from my favorite YouTubers. I turned the volume down, so I wouldn’t disturb my sister. I watched for a while, until my legs were numb from sitting on the toilet for so long. Before getting up, I made sure I didn’t have to go anymore. Then, I flushed the toilet, carefully made my way back to my room, and crawled back into bed before the pins and needles kicked in. I lay as still as I could, and let it all pass. Usually, I enjoyed the feeling of pins and needles. I’m very ticklish, and I love being tickled. However, I was in no mood to be tickled, and I was too emotionally exhausted and screwed up.

A few minutes later, Hayley came into my room wearing one of her favorite onesies, a fuzzy pink onesie with a long zipper down the front and a long, curly tail in the back. “Hey, Sweetie,” she said sweetly. “You okay?”

“I can’t sleep,” I sniffled.

“Awww, Honey.” She crawled under the covers with me, and wrapped her arm around me.

“I’m so tired,” I wept, “but too afraid to fall asleep. I don’t wanna see his face in my dreams… or hear his voice.”

“Awww, I know, Sweetheart. I know.” She hugged me. “You’ve been up all night?”

I nodded. “I was trying to distract myself, so I could sleep. I feel so alone.”

“Awwww.” She pulled me close, and held me against her chest. “Why didn’t you come get me?”

“I didn’t wanna wake you up.”

“Oh, Sweetie.” She caressed my head, and played with my hair. “If you ever need me, you can always come to me. Even if I’m asleep, you can still come to me.”

“Did I wake you up?”

“No. I couldn’t sleep, either. I was worried about you.”

“Sorry.”

“Hey, don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything. It just hurts me to see you in so much pain. You’re my baby sissy-poo, and I love you so, so much. And, I promise you’re not alone. I’m right here, and I won’t leave you, ever.”

“I’m too scared to go to sleep.”

“I know, Sweetie. How about I sing you to sleep, so you’ll hear my voice instead of Logan’s? I’ll even stay here, and sing to you all night.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course, I’m sure, Sweetie. I don’t have anywhere to be today, and I’m not really all that tired. I just wanna stay here with you, and make sure you’ll be okay.”

So, my amazing saint of a sister held me tightly, still caressing my head and backside, and playing with my hair, and she sang to me, until I finally fell asleep. Even after I fell asleep, she kept holding me, loving on me, and singing to me. She kept it up for several hours, until she also fell asleep, still holding me tightly. Thanks to her, I had peaceful dreams, and not once did I see Logan’s face, nor did I hear his voice. Instead, I only heard Hayley’s voice, and I saw her face. In my dreams, she looked very angelic and soft. Her whole body lit up, and she was dressed in a white version of her pink onesie. I could feel her wrapping her wings around me, and whispering, “Everything will be okay, Sweetheart. I’m here,” as she planted a kiss on my forehead, and sang a sweet lullaby to me.

I was still in a great deal of pain, but I knew that, as long as Hayley was there, everything would be okay.


	13. Chapter 13

Things were rough for a while. It was so hard not to talk to Logan, but it was too painful to talk to him. I wanted to call him up, but at the same time, hearing his voice would only hurt more. He did text me a couple times to ask how I was doing. I didn’t respond to them. He called me once, but I ignored it. Part of me wished I answered it, but I knew I couldn’t.

That Tuesday, during choir rehearsal, just before he was about to sing his solo, Hayley led me out of the room, and took me to the bathroom. Thankfully, I could not hear him from the bathroom. I stayed inside one of the stalls, until Hayley was sure it was over. Then, she led me back to the choir room.

At the end of rehearsal, Hayley went to talk to Lucy. Meanwhile, I wanted to get out in a hurry before he had a chance to talk to me, but I accidentally picked up my purse the wrong way, causing a few things to fall out. “Crap,” I growled as I got down on my knees, and put everything away as fast as I could. “Where’s my lipstick?” I mumbled as I felt all over for it, panicking.

“Here you go,” said one of the choir members, a fellow soprano, handing me my lipstick.

“Oh, thank you,” I said, relieved, as I dropped it into my purse.

“You didn’t try out for any solos this time?” she inquired.

“Nope,” I said hastily, grabbing my purse, and hanging it over my shoulder.

“How come?”

Oh, hell no, I thought. Please no conversations. I wanna get the hell outta here before Logan comes over. “Long story,” I said.

“I have time.”

“I kinda have to go, actually.”

“Oh, okay. Well, you have a beautiful voice. Maybe next concert?”

“Yeah, maybe.”

I stood back up, and my heart jumped when I saw Logan approaching me. I struggled to maneuver through the crowd of people to get to my sister, and hopefully, getting out of his sight. I finally managed to get through, and I gently tapped Hayley on the shoulder. She turned around, and caught a glimpse of Logan maneuvering through the crowd to get to me.

“Well, we’re gonna head out now,” she said to Lucy, “but thanks for understanding.”

“No problem, Hayley,” said Lucy. “Hope things get better for you, Cheyenne,” she said sympathetically. “I’m so sorry, Honey.”

“Thanks,” I said, almost in tears as I latched onto Hayley’s arm.

“Come on, Sweetie,” Hayley said, trying to maneuver us both through the crowd as fast as possible.

“Wait, Cheyenne!” Logan called.

The sound of his voice calling my name ripped my heart out. I didn’t respond. I kept my focus forward as my wonderful sister led me out of the performing arts building. We hurried to the car, and got in as quickly as possible.

It wasn’t that I was afraid Logan was going to harm me. I knew he would never do such a thing. However, as I stated before, I was nowhere near ready to talk to him after he ripped my heart out. I was still madly in love with him, and in the worst state of mind possible. My emotions were all over the place, and the last thing I needed was to hear any explanation he had to give. I didn’t want to listen to him try to defend himself while my heart crumbled more and more.


	14. Chapter 14

A few days later, Hayley was out running some errands. She had just finished up at the grocery store, and was putting her shopping cart away when she heard someone calling her name.

“Hayley!”

She turned around to see that Logan was running towards her. “Oh, fuck no,” she mumbled angrily as she rifled through her purse. “Damn it,” she growled, “where are my keys?”

“Hayley!”

“Forget it,” she said to herself as she turned to walk away, but Logan caught up to her.

“Hayley!” he called, following her. “Hayley, wait.”

“Not now, Logan,” Hayley said in a low, angry tone.

“Hayley, please––”

“I said not now.”

“Hayley, I need to talk to you.”

Hayley stopped in her tracks, and gave Logan a very dirty look. “You really think I wanna talk to you right now?”

“Cheyenne’s not answering my calls or my texts. I––”

“Gee, I wonder why!”

“Look, I just wanna make sure she’s alright.”

“No, Logan, she’s not!” she snapped. “She’s trying really hard to be okay again, trying to distract herself, and force her way out of a deep hole, but she is a human trainwreck!”

“Please, let me explain.”

“Explain?! Now, you wanna ‘explain?!’ Why don’t you start by explaining why, after a year, you all of a sudden decided you weren’t ready for a relationship! Or, maybe you should explain why you didn’t even have the decency to break up with her in person! Instead, you sent her a god damned text message! You know, she really cared about you, Logan! She trusted you! She even wrote a fucking song for you!”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah, she poured her heart out in a beautiful song she wrote for you, and she was gonna play it for you that night!”

Logan’s face scrunched up in sadness. “I still wanna be her friend.”

“Well, that’s not gonna happen, because she can’t even look at you now… and neither can I. You know, I never thought you were a coward, until now. I seriously doubt your reason for breaking my baby sister’s heart was because you weren’t ready. You don’t stay with someone that long, put in all that work, and suddenly decide you’re not ready for a relationship. You just don’t.”

“Tell her I’m sorry.”

“You know what, Logan? You really should be sorry, but ‘sorry’ isn’t gonna fix anything. You broke her heart. You broke her trust in you, and you broke mine, too. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get home, and take care of my baby sister. And, I have milk in the trunk that’s gonna go bad if I keep wasting my time talking to you. Goodbye, Logan.” With that, she got into her car, and drove off.


	15. Chapter 15

For the next few weeks, I tried to lose myself in my music to distract myself from the pain, but I was having very little luck escaping. I tried to cheer myself up with funny videos from my favorite YouTubers, but that only worked for a little while. No matter what I did, I couldn’t escape my heartache.

Then, one Saturday afternoon, Hayley suggested a full day of movies and junk food, since that seemed to help me the first time. She and I both decided on the Lord of the Rings trilogy. We curled up on the sofa with pizza, chips, soda, and lots of other junk foods while we lost ourselves in the epic movies.

Since it was so hard for me to see what was going on at times, Hayley happily explained everything to me, simplifying it, so my Autistic brain could comprehend it all.

I quickly became very fascinated with the character Sméagol/Gollum, and paid close attention to his story and role in the movies. His voice immediately grabbed my attention. Well, actually, Gollum and Sméagol’s voices are a bit different from one another, even though the two personalities live in the same body. Gollum’s voice is more gravelly and fruity, while Sméagol’s is much softer. Okay, if you’re a Lord of the Rings fan, you already know their story, so I won’t repeat it too much here.

Sméagol not only fascinated me, but hearing his voice brought me great comfort. There was something special about his voice that made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. However, when it came to the Forbidden Pool scene, my heart shattered when Faramir’s rangers took Sméagol back to the cave, and beat the snot out of him. The sound of him screaming in pain was heartbreaking, and when he curled up in a ball crying, I found myself crying with him. Hearing Gollum talk softly to him, and watching him trying to comfort Sméagol made me cry even harder. While he was wrong about Frodo betraying him and Sméagol, I understood why they both felt that way.

Seeing how much Sméagol and Gollum struggled with their addiction to the One Ring, I couldn’t help but feel bad for both of them. I knew that none of their actions involving the ring were their fault. The ring had way too much power over them.

At the end, when they lost their fight against the One Ring, and fell off the edge of Mount Doom, I broke down sobbing even harder than I did when Logan dumped me. I wanted to reach through the screen, pull them away from the edge, and throw that stupid ring into the lava myself. I also wanted to strangle Sauron to death, but throwing the ring into the fire would hurt him even more than hands around the throat ever could. Man, what a piece of shit.

Just as the movie was finishing up, the doorbell rang. Hayley quietly got up from the sofa to answer it while I concentrated on the movie. When it ended, I looked up to see Abby standing next to the sofa. “Hi,” I said awkwardly.

“Hey,” she greeted happily. “Were you just watching Lord of the Rings?”

“Yep.”

“Well? What’d you think?”

“It was amazing,” I sniffled.

“Awww, it made me cry, too.”


	16. Chapter 16

I scooted over to make room for Abby. She sat on one side, and Hayley on the other as we talked about the movies.

“So,” said Hayley, “now that you’ve seen it, who’s your favorite character?”

“Sméagol,” I replied, “both sides of him.”

“You liked Gollum, too?” said Abby.

“Yeah.”

“I do, too,” said Hayley.

“Despite all the shit he did,” I said, “I just can’t see him as a villain or someone evil.”

Hayley nodded in agreement.

“What do you see him as?” asked Abby.

“I know that Sméagol was good,” I said, “but I honestly saw some good in Gollum, too. Like, when he was comforting Sméagol in Faramir’s cave. I mean, he was wrong about Frodo betraying him, but… he had a sweet side to him.”

Abby and Hayley thought for a moment.

“Yeah,” Abby said, “I can see what you mean.”

“I think that, for Gollum,” said Hayley, “he never, ever experienced any love or kindness in his life. All he knew was darkness and solitude and that stupid ring. Nobody was ever there for him. Nobody ever extended a hand to him. Sméagol knew what love was, but Gollum…”

“Maybe if someone showed him love,” added Abby, “it would’ve helped him a great deal.”

“And, his other problem, he was so addicted to the ring that he didn’t believe he had any purpose without it, no reason to exist. Most people think he only existed, because of the ring. I don’t think so. I think, if he had people to show him love, and that he does have purpose without it, he could’ve survived without it, both him and Sméagol.”

“And, maybe he and Sméagol could’ve been friends,” I added.

“Wouldn’t that be an awesome story?” Abby remarked. “Gollum and Sméagol after the ring, how they both cope, and if Frodo could’ve been there for both of them, shown them love and friendship and kindness.”

I laughed awkwardly. “Wow, we’re talking about him as if he were real.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” said Hayley. “He’s a special character who has a big impact on us.”

“What would you say to him if he were real?” asked Abby. “If you were ever lucky enough to meet him, what would you tell him?”

“Pretty much everything you guys said,” I replied. “I would tell him that I see good in him, that he does have purpose without the ring, and that he deserves to be loved.”

“You know,” said Hayley, “I would say the same things to him.”

“Ditto,” Abby agreed. “And, I would tell him that the ring is only causing more pain, not making it go away.”

“What would you say to Sméagol?” asked Hayley.

“That he does have friends,” I said, “and people do like him. I would say that to Gollum, too.”

“I think that would have a huge impact on both of them,” said Abby. “Words of love and kindness can go a long way, even in the darkest of times.”

“Especially in the darkest times,” added Hayley.

“What did you think of Sam?” Abby asked me.

“He was so sweet,” I said, “and even though he was really harsh with Gollum and Sméagol… I guess I can understand where he’s coming from. I mean, Frodo’s his best friend, and he was just protective of him, just like you guys are to me.”

Hayley and Abby smiled warmly at me.

“And, I don’t think he could really understand what Frodo and Sméagol were going through,” added Hayley, “because he never experienced it for himself. He only carried the ring for a few minutes. He didn’t really understand that it took immediate control over Sméagol as soon as Déagol fished it out of the river. Poor Sméagol didn’t even have a choice. Only Frodo could understand him, because he had to be so close to that dark power. His desire for it didn’t take over him nearly as quickly as it did Sméagol, but… I guess I’m saying that, unless you’ve been through it, you don’t really understand. That’s why Sam was so scared of Sméagol, and so hard on him. He didn’t realize that none of it was Sméagol’s fault.”

“I totally agree,” I said, “but I think that he’s a reasonable enough guy that, if someone were to tell him everything you just said, he would listen, and he would help Sméagol, too.”

“I think he would, too,” said Abby. “He has such a big heart.” Then, she changed the subject back to Gollum. “So, what did you think of Gollum’s… death?”

“Oh, shit,” I groaned. “That broke my heart. I mean, I was glad the ring was gone, but… I didn’t want Gollum and Sméagol to go down with it.”

“Poor thing was bawling her eyes out when Gollum fell in the lava,” Hayley said sweetly.

“Awww, that made me cry, too,” said Abby, “and what made it even more heartbreaking, I think in his last few seconds of life, he finally realized the error in his ways, that this piece of junk wasn’t worth dying for, nor was it worth killing anyone over. It was that ‘what have I done’ moment right when taking your last breath. So heartbreaking.”

“Yeah,” Hayley agreed, “I could see the regret written all over his face.”

“I wish he got his happy ending,” I sniffled.

“Awww, Honey,” Hayley said sweetly, “you really liked him, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. He’s freaking awesome.”

“Out of the two of them, which personality do you like better?” asked Abby.

“I don’t know,” I said, thinking about my answer. “I like them both, but… I guess I can relate more to Sméagol, since I’ve been through similar stuff. I mean, not to his extreme, but… I know how it feels to have people turn on you and judge you over stuff you have no control over.” I paused for a moment. “And… I know what abuse feels like,” I said with a very serious look on my face. I was referring to when Sauron tortured Sméagol to find out where the ring was.

Hayley’s heart broke as soon as I mentioned abuse. She knew exactly what I was talking about, besides Sméagol being tortured. She hugged me. “Oh, Sweetie,” she said sadly.

“But, you know, I don’t mean that I like Gollum less,” I added.

“I know,” said Abby. “You love ‘em both, but you connected with Sméagol on a deeper level.”

“Exactly.”

“I know what you mean,” said Hayley. “I adore them both, but I guess my heart aches more for Gollum, since he never, ever got the love and kindness he needed. I almost wish I could’ve jumped through the screen, and given him a big hug.”

Abby and I smiled.

“Hayley, you are such a sweetheart,” said Abby. “Probably the sweetest person in the world. Gollum would fall in love with you right away.”

Hayley tilted her head, smiling warmly and giggling. “Awwww.”


	17. Chapter 17

I spent the next few days researching more about Gollum and Sméagol, learning his full story, and getting to know more about him. I found myself watching clips on YouTube from the movies just so I could look at him and hear his voice. It brought me great comfort, and helped to ease the heartache I was still feeling. I downloaded audio clips of him, so I could listen to his voice when I needed comfort. I also printed out a few pictures of him to carry in my purse.

Okay, before I go on, I know just how weird and crazy this all sounds, but this is another Autistic trait of mine. I am a grown woman with a lot of childlike tendencies and traits. I do understand the difference between reality and fantasy, but at the same time, when it comes to my favorite shows and movies, I connect with some of the characters on a personal level. Very rarely, however, I connect with them on a much deeper level to the point where they’re almost real to me. I know they’re fictional, but they’re not to me, in my mind. The last character I had that deep connection with was Ojo from Bear in the Big Blue House when I was a little girl, and Ojo stayed with me all through my teen years. To this day, I still have the Ojo plushy my grandparents gave me as a child, and I still snuggle with her every night and tell her all my secrets. What made me so attached to Ojo? Well, her voice was what first got my attention. It was a very comforting sound to my ears, and always brought a smile to my face. I also loved her sweet, playful, cheerful personality, and she had a very active imagination just like I do. She was very creative and artistic, and that also drew me in. Not to mention, she is insanely adorable! Well, I was experiencing something similar with Sméagol. I could relate to his character. His voice was very comforting to listen to. He was adorable, playful, and in my eyes, had a very sweet, loving heart, despite what the ring did to him. Most people would laugh at me, call me a nutjob, and tell me I need therapy, which is why I would only tell people I trust, people I know understand me, like Abby and Hayley. I would’ve told Logan, but, well, he wasn’t around anymore.


	18. Chapter 18

Speaking of Logan, soon, it was time for our choir concert, and I was dreading part of it, the part where I had to listen to his solo, and act like I was completely fine while singing background vocals for him.

I constantly looked at Sméagol’s picture while I got ready for the concert. I did my makeup, slipped into my choir dress––a long, black dress with short sleeves, and did my hair. I didn’t spray myself with perfume this time, because we weren’t supposed to wear perfume during the concert in case some people had allergies to scents and perfumes. Understandable.

“I am dreading this,” I said to myself, picking up the picture of Sméagol. “Damn it, I wish you were real,” I said, almost in tears. I looked at his face, and I imagined him speaking to me.

“It’ll be alright, Precious,” I imagined him saying. “Sméagol’s here.”

That lifted my spirits a little as I grabbed my purse, and walked out the door with Hayley.

A few minutes before the concert, I looked at Sméagol’s picture again, and imagined him saying “It’ll be alright, Precious. Sméagol’s here.” Then, I looked up, and sighed heavily.

“Please help me, God,” I prayed. “I am dreading this. Please help me.”

No, I wasn’t dreading the whole concert. Most of it, I was looking forward to. It was just that one damn solo I was dreading.

I continued staring at Sméagol’s picture, and praying to God to help me through it, until Hayley came to guide me to my spot on stage. I quickly put the picture in my purse, and Hayley locked it in the closet with everyone else’s personal belongings. Then, I took hold of her arm, and she led me out to the stage.

A minute later, the rest of the choir came out on stage, quickly finding their spots. The audience applauded as Lucy and the piano accompanist came out as well.

The music began to play, and we all began to sing. Everyone else had their black binders with their music in front of them, but I didn’t. As I stated before, I can’t read sheet music, so I learn by ear. I memorize the songs.

Soon, it was time for Logan’s solo. My heart dropped as the pianist began to play the song. Then, Logan began to sing, and I tried to hold it together as I sang the backup with the rest of the choir. It wasn’t a super long song, maybe three or four minutes, but for me, it felt like an eternity. He sang it so beautifully, and it was all too much for me. His voice brought back all the beautiful memories from our relationship, which only brought me back to the horrible pain I felt the night he broke up with me.

I was so relieved when the song ended, even though that didn’t mean I could finally break down sobbing, but at least that was the last time I ever had to listen to his beautiful voice, unless he tried out for solos in the future. It also helped to know that the concert was almost over. There were only a few more songs to sing, and then, I was free to let it all out. Until then, I tried desperately to hide my sorrow, and sing the rest of the songs as best I could.

After the concert ended, Hayley led me back to the choir room to retrieve our belongings. We then left the choir room, only to run into Lucy in the hallway.

“You did a great job, Sweetie,” she said to me. “I could tell you were struggling, but you still nailed it.”

Thanks,” I said, trying desperately not to cry.

She hugged me. Then, headed for the lobby to talk to the other choir members and the audience members.

Hayley looked at me, and I immediately broke down sobbing. She pulled me into a big hug. “She’s right. You did an amazing job, Sweetie. Despite what you were feeling, you didn’t give up. You didn’t quit. You kept going, and you sang so beautifully. I’m so proud of you, Sweetheart. So proud of you.”

I didn’t say anything. I just nuzzled up in her arms as I continued sobbing.

“Shhh, it’s okay, Sweetheart.” She stroked my hair, and kissed my forehead. “I’m here. It’s gonna be okay.”

Little did either of us know that Logan was standing a few feet away, listening to our conversation. His eyes filled with tears, and he ran off before either of us saw him. Honestly, I’m glad I didn’t see him, because I was already feeling bad enough. I didn’t need any more drama.


	19. Chapter 19

Hayley stopped on the way home to pick up a pizza for the two of us. When we got home, we both changed out of our choir attire, and into something more comfortable. I changed into a soft, comfy sweater dress, and she changed into a fuzzy green onesie. Just like her pink one, it zipped up in the front, and had a long, curly tail in the back. We sat on the sofa together, watching sitcoms and chatting away.

“Well,” Hayley said, “our next choir rehearsal isn’t until the end of August.”

“Oh, thank God,” I said, relieved. “I mean, I love choir. I just––”

“I know. Seeing Logan makes it hard to enjoy it.”

“Actually, hearing him does.”

“Yeah, I understand, Sweetie, but maybe by then, you’ll be able to handle it easier.”

“I hope so. That, or hopefully, he won’t have any solos.”

Hayley chuckled. “But, if you’re still having trouble, you can take a break if you need to.”

“I…” I felt bad even thinking about dropping out. “I don’t know.”

“We joined the choir, so we could have fun. If you’re not having fun, because you’re still struggling with your feelings for Logan, you should take a break, until you’re sure you can handle it. You don’t have to decide now. It’s only May. But, I really hope things will turn around for you soon.”

I sighed heavily. “You know, when I was getting ready earlier…” I suddenly felt very awkward saying what I was about to say out loud. “This is so silly, but… I was looking at one of the pictures of Sméagol, and… I was… imagining him telling me that everything would be okay.”

“Awwwww, that’s so sweet.”

“I know I’m crazy, but… I wish… I don’t know. I wish he was real.”

“Aww, Sweetie.” Hayley wrapped her arm around me. “You’re not crazy at all. I understand. He brings you comfort, and he means something special to you.”

“Can I ask a dumb question?”

“You can ask me anything.”

“What do you think he would do if he was real, and he knew what was going on with me?”

“He would give you the biggest hug, and he would tell you that everything will be okay. I think he’d be there for you.”

I wiped a few tears from my eyes.

“Oh! I’ll be right back!” Hayley jumped up, and ran up the stairs with her tail bouncing behind her as she giggled like an innocent child. She came back down a minute later, carrying the Sméagol doll she bought a few weeks back. She placed the doll in my lap. “Here, Sweetie. I want you to have this.”

“But… are you sure?” I asked hesitantly. “I mean, it’s yours.”

“Actually, I bought it for you.”

“Me?”

“When I saw the look on your face when I showed him to you, I knew you’d get attached to him, so I knew I had to get it. I was saving it for when you became the big fan you are now.” She smiled at me. “I know you so well, Cheyenne. I know what makes you happy, and I knew Sméagol would make you so happy, even before you saw the movies.”

“Wow…” I didn’t know what to say. I looked at the beautiful doll. It looked exactly like the real Sméagol, very high in detail, so beautifully made. I felt myself tearing up a little, and I smiled at Hayley. “Thank you so much, Hayley.”

Hayley hugged me. “Awww, you’re welcome, Sweetie.”

“You’re the best sister ever.”

“Awwww, I feel the same way about you, too.” She kissed my forehead.

I hugged the Sméagol doll, and oh, my gosh, it felt like I was getting an actual hug from Sméagol himself.

“Awww, you’re so cute.”

I chuckled. “By the way, when you ran up the stairs, I saw your tail jiggling and bouncing around.”

Hayley giggled. “Yeah, I love when that happens. It’s so funny. I wish I actually did have a long, fuzzy, bouncy, springy tail.”

“Not me. My big butt’s enough for me to deal with.”

Hayley giggled.

“But, you would look really pretty with a tail.”

“Awwwwwww, Sweetie.” Hayley gave me a big hug. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Hayley. You’re the best big sister in the world.”

“Awwwww.” Hayley giggled again, and kissed my cheek. “Well, you’re the best baby sister in the world.”

“Damn it, you’re so sweet.”

Hayley giggled even more, and gave me an even bigger hug.

When I went to bed that night, I thought of my amazing sister, and wondered how I got so lucky. Even though so many people judged me, turned on me, and treated me like dirt, Hayley never blinked. She never made me feel less about myself. She was always there for me, and she was the sweetest person I knew. She was so sugary sweet and lovey-mushy, and I was so lucky and blessed to be on the receiving end of that unbelievable, overwhelming, insane amount of sugary sweetness. She was a truly beautiful person, and I was blessed to be her younger sister.

I snuggled up with my Sméagol doll, and feeling his arms around me, it was almost as if he was actually holding me. “I wish you were real, Sméagol,” I whispered as I closed my eyes, and drifted off to sleep in his arms.


	20. Chapter 20

A few days later, I was in my room, playing on my computer, when my phone rang with Abby’s ringtone. “Hey, Abby,” I answered.

“Hey,” Abby said.

“What’s up?”

“LIsten… I don’t know how to tell you this, but…”

Oh, shit, I thought. This can’t be good.

She continued. “I was coming outta Walmart, and…” She hesitated. “And… I saw Logan with another girl.”

My jaw dropped, and my heart fell to the floor. “W…” I was speechless. “I…”

“Maybe they’re just friends, but… the way they looked together, I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like this vibe they were giving off, their body language, like there was something going on between them. I don’t know. I hope I’m wrong.”

“Doesn’t really matter anyway. I mean, we’re not together anymore, so…”

“Yeah, but still… I know you still love him.”

“Yeah, but… it’s not like he’ll ever want me back.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m… I’m good.”

“You sure? I could come over if you want.”

“No, it’s… it’s fine.” I wanted Abby to come over, but I knew she had other plans. I didn’t want her to drop them for me.

“Okay, if you’re sure,” she said hesitantly.

“I’m sure.”

“Okay, well… I’ll talk to you later, and see how you’re doing.”

“Okay, talk to you then. Bye.”

“Bye.”

I put my phone down, and went to Logan’s Facebook page to see if he had any pictures of him and this girl. So far, I didn’t see any, and his relationship status still said ‘Single.” A big part of me was hoping she was just a friend, but I knew that, even if she was, that didn’t mean anything. After all, we weren’t even together anymore, and I honestly didn’t believe we would ever get back together in the future. Though, I hoped for it. I exited out of Facebook, and tiptoed over to my bed. I crawled under the blankets, and snuggled up with my Sméagol doll. I looked at his beautiful face with tears in my eyes. Most people would look at him, and say he looked creepy or ugly, but I couldn’t see that at all. I may be visually impaired, but I have seen creepy and ugly before. Sméagol was neither. He was beautiful in my eyes, inside and out. I had nothing bad to say about him.

“I really wish you were real,” I wept. “I really need you right now.”

I looked at his face again, and his expression seemed to change from eerie sorrow and self doubt to a warm, kind smile. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but it was very comforting for me. Again, I usually cannot see facial expressions, but somehow, I could see his.

I hugged the doll again, still crying, and I felt something on my cheek, like a soft peck. I looked, and noticed Sméagol’s lips right next to my face. Nah, I thought. There’s no way a doll could’ve given me a small kiss on the cheek. Then, I felt something gently and very subtly stroking my hair. Sméagol’s arms were around me, as they always are when I hug him. I always put them around myself, but come on. There’s no way a doll could’ve caressed the back of my head. I was just imagining things, right? Well, even if it was only my imagination or wishful thinking, it comforted me, made me feel loved. It was almost like Sméagol was trying to communicate with me through my very active and vivid imagination, to tell me that everything would be okay.

I hurried to the bathroom to do my, uh, business, and I changed into my sweater night dress. I came back into my room, and tiptoed over to my computer. I exited out of Google Chrome, not even bothering to see if I had any new messages from Logan. I opened iTunes, and turned on my Celtic Woman playlist. I crawled back into bed, and snuggled with Sméagol. I imagined he was singing along with the songs that played, like he was singing to me to console me. Again, I felt a small caress on the back of my head, fingers slowly and subtly running through my hair, and a small peck on the cheek. I looked at his face again to see if I was just crazy, and saw the same warm, kind, sweet smile with a loving, sympathetic expression in his big, beautiful blue eyes. I closed my eyes as tears streamed down my face, and I heard a very faint voice singing along with the music. I lay very still, and listened carefully. I could definitely hear it, but it was so faint that it was hard to tell if it was real or just my wild imagination again. It was a very sweet, gentle voice that made me feel so warm inside. I didn’t try to pick at things anymore. I let myself enjoy them, even if they weren’t real, as I fell asleep. It was around four in the afternoon, and I slept until dinnertime at seven.


	21. Chapter 21

The next day, after lunch, I logged into Facebook again to look at Logan’s profile. Why haven’t I unfriended him, you ask? I couldn’t bring myself to. I was still too attached, and I couldn’t let go. A little part of me wanted to let him go, but I was too in love with him to do so. We were together for over a year, and we were best friends beforehand. We’d been through so much together, and the memories were still so powerful. They still haunted me, and even just the thought of cutting him out of my life devastated me.

I scrolled through his recent posts, and saw that he had posted pictures with another girl. She was so beautiful, and from what I could tell in the pictures, she seemed so sweet and kind. I had no ill feelings toward her. A lot of people would badmouth anyone their ex could possibly be getting into a relationship with, but I honestly didn’t see the point. She wasn’t doing anything wrong, and besides, she’s a human being with feelings.

I looked through the pictures, and also came across a picture of a giant heart. The caption read, “Truly blessed to have such a beautiful friend like you, Katie Kingery, in my life.” My heart was so torn. On the one hand, he referred to her as his friend, but on the other, he never made posts like this, unless he liked someone as more than just a friend.

Then, I checked my messages, and low and behold was a message from none other than Logan himself. I clicked on it, and holy shit, my heart jumped when I saw that it was a very long paragraph. My computer read it out to me, as it was way too long for me to read to myself. Way too much information to process.

“Cheyenne, I really have to tell you this, and I am being serious when I say that, don't get me wrong, and don't think that I hate you or anything like that. But, I truly have feelings for this other girl. I want to take things slow with her, get to know her better in life. I want to be your friend, and I want you to be happy. But, in my heart, I realize that I can't be with you, and I am not the one for you. I want you to try and understand that I am not doing this to be mean. I will always be your friend. I will always be here for you when you need me to be. I will always be a fan of you, but I need you to understand that I can't be with you. I have too many feelings for this other girl. I don't want you to think low of me for being this way. I want you to believe me as I believe you. and if you still wanna hang out with me, you can, But, I cannot be intimate with you. I am going to take things slow with this young lady. I want you to be happy, and I realize, deep down, I am just not the one for you. You’re an incredible friend. Let me put this more simply to you. I am not riding you off. I am talking to this other girl. I want to see how it goes with her. If it goes good, then it all works out. If not, then I could consider you down the road. I wanna see how it goes with her. I am still open to you in the future.”

And, with that, my heart shattered into a million pieces. But, why did I care so much? We weren’t even together anymore, so why does it matter if he has a new girlfriend? Maybe it’s the fact that he broke up with me, because he “wasn’t ready for a relationship.” Then, less than two months later, he suddenly gets into a new relationship with a girl he barely knows. How do I know he barely knows her? Because, I’ve known him for two years. I’ve met all his friends, and she wasn’t one of them. So, if he wasn’t ready for a relationship like he said, why was he with this new girl he barely knew? Maybe he just didn’t want to be with me anymore. Maybe he never wanted to be with me in the first place. But, wait. If he didn’t want to be with me anymore, why did he say he would consider being with me in the future? Oh, that’s right. I’m his second option. No, that’s not it. No… false hope. That’s what it is. He’s giving me false hope to try and soften the blow. Why do I think it’s false hope? Well, if he really wanted to be with me at all, he would be… and he wouldn’t have left me.

Well, he better not hurt this new girl like he hurt me. He better be good to her, and he better not break his major promises to her like he did with me. What promise am I talking about? He promised me he wouldn’t leave me. He knew my history with relationships, both platonic and romantic. He knew I had abandonment and trust issues. Why did he make that promise, though, if he didn’t intend to keep it?


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide talk/thoughts!

I didn’t even bother responding to Logan’s message. It was pointless anyway, because I knew anything I said to him would go in one ear and out the other. I just left his message open. Didn’t even bother to close out. I turned to my bed to cuddle with my Sméagol doll, but I noticed he was gone. I thought for a moment. I know I didn’t take him off the bed. He was there when I went down for lunch. Was he there before I read the message? I don’t even remember. I panicked as I began to look all over my room for him––in the closet, under the bed, even though I never put anything under the bed. I checked all my drawers, even though he wouldn’t fit in any of them. I looked under and behind any furniture, and I even looked under all the blankets on my bed. There was no sign of him. I knew nobody broke into my room just to take him, because, well, first of all, everything else was exactly as I left it. Second, the window was just as I left it, closed and locked from the inside. Third, since I have poor eyesight, all my other senses are heightened. Not to brag, but I have been told I have ears like a dog. I would’ve heard if there were footsteps and someone breaking in upstairs. Lastly, who the fuck would break into someone’s room to steal a Sméagol doll? A psychotic Lord of the Rings fan? Okay, bad example, since I am a psychotic Sméagolholic fan, but I would never pull anything like that.

I stood very still for a moment. I could feel my heart breaking even more. Just when I needed Sméagol the most, he was gone, and I had no idea where he was. Maybe this was a sign, I thought. Maybe it was a sign that I’m too childish, too invested in a fictional character, and I need to grow the fuck up. I’m twenty-four years old, and losing my mind over a plush doll of a fictional character! What the hell is wrong with me?! No wonder Logan dumped me! No wonder so many people cut me out of their lives! No, that’s just one reason. There’s plenty more reasons. Let’s see. I’m too sensitive. I get upset over the stupidest shit. I’m too clingy. I get too attached to people, and I don’t leave them alone. I’m a major burden. I can’t do certain things for myself, and I put too much on other people. Speaking of which, I dump all my problems on people. Whenever I have a problem, I always dump it on someone, bitch about it constantly, all that great stuff. The list of reasons goes on.

Without even thinking, I ran out of my room, down the stairs, and out the door. I ran to my favorite relaxation spot, the same field I had that picnic with Logan, and sat near the pond. Tears came pouring out of my eyes as I looked at the water. Something inside me was telling me that I should jump in. “Just jump in the water,” said my inner bully. I named her Insidia. “Jump in, and don’t try to swim. Just let yourself drown. Nobody will miss you. Trust me. The world will be so much better off without you. You’re nothing but a burden, an inconvenience, an embarrassment, and a worthless pile of flaming shit. Kill yourself, you unbelievably horrible monster. Just fucking kill yourself.”

Insidia wasn’t an actual voice I heard in my head. She was all the negative thoughts living inside me, things people drilled into my head throughout the years, all the horrible things I was made to believe about myself. She took all of those things, and convinced me they were true. Every time something happened that triggered my negative feelings about myself, even something really small and stupid, she would drown me in an ocean of self hatred and shame. This was one of the deepest, most treacherous oceans, and I didn’t know how to escape. I was lost in a hurricane of unbearable pain and sorrow, being tossed and blown about by furious winds and waves of shame, worthlessness, guilt, and self hatred. Looking at the water, I saw my only escape. But, did I really want to die? Was everything Insidia said true? Would the world be a better place without me? Would anybody miss me? I knew Logan wouldn’t. He wouldn’t even notice I was gone? But, would Hayley be better off without me? She wouldn’t have to look after me anymore. No more listening to me whine incessantly about my dumb, trivial problems. No more having to shop for me, cook for me, clean for me, or work extra hard for me. She would be home free. Same for everyone else having to take on any of my load. Not to mention, I wouldn’t be around to make people feel bad just because I got my feelings hurt over something stupid. No more making people feel guilty. No more smothering people. No more hurting people. They would be relieved… wouldn’t they?

“I hate myself,” I mumbled. “I hate myself! Damn it, I fucking hate myself!” I screamed as I slapped myself as hard as I could. “Why am I here, God?” I wept. “Why am I even here if I keep making everybody’s lives miserable?” My weeping quickly escalated into heavy sobbing. As I continued to stare at the water, and wonder if I should just end it all, I was suddenly brought back to Earth when I heard movement a few feet away.


	23. Chapter 23

I looked up, and turned my gaze to the left. I spotted a nearby cave that I never noticed before. I heard something fumbling around inside. It scared me, but at the same time, I was so deep in sorrow that I almost didn’t care if it was some wild animal coming to tear me apart, and eat me for lunch. Still, I kept my eye on the opening of the cave, until I saw something crawling out. Well, I thought, this is the end.

However, when I saw the creature crawling out of the cave, I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. It wasn’t a wild animal at all, but a person. He looked so familiar. He was very thin with long, skinny arms, big hands with long, wiry fingers. His head was larger than a normal-sized head. His eyes were big and blue. He had a bit of reddish, brownish hair. Actually, to me, it looked more like strawberry blond, but whatever. His legs, like his arms, were long and skinny, and his feet, like his hands, were big with wiry, skinny toes. He was wearing a loin cloth and nothing else.

No, I thought. THere is no way in hell this is real. This is not Sméagol. This is just my mind playing tricks on me. Still in tears, I picked up a nearby branch, and whacked myself with it to see if I was dreaming or imagining things. I could still see the creature, so I pinched myself to make doubly sure this was real.

I guess it was real, because I could still see him. He appeared to be much taller than he was in the movies. I watched as he crawled toward the pond, looking for fish. Oh, God, he was so beautiful, even more beautiful up close. I wanted so badly to reach for him, take hold of his hand, talk to him, hug him, but I was too shy. Besides, would he even like me? After all the times I’ve been dumped and tossed aside, it was pretty clear to me how unlikeable and intolerable I am. But, what if he saw me? Would he talk to me? Would he even want to talk to me, or would he be repulsed by me?

Through all this, I was fighting back tears that I still hadn’t finished crying, but I couldn’t fight anymore. I let them fall, but tried to be as quiet as possible. Every bone in my body was hoping he would notice me, but I was so terrified that he wouldn’t like me, either. At the same time, if he was going to see me, he would see the real me, someone who cannot hold in her emotions or hide them behind a fake smile or blank expression. He would see me at my most vulnerable. He would have no choice, because I couldn’t hide my pain. If he did notice me, he would have no choice but to see me at my worst. Would he be able to handle it, or would it scare him off like it did to so many others?

As he scanned the water for fish, he turned his gaze over to me, and my heart jumped. This was the moment of truth. What would he say, think, and do?

He crawled over to me, and looked up at my soaking wet face. I saw his expression change from eager to sad. “Why does it cry, Precious?” he asked me in the sweetest, warmest tone.

Oh, God, his voice was so sweet and innocent, and I heard so much kindness in just that one phrase. I placed one hand on my lap, and he immediately extended his hand to me. He took hold of my hand, and held it in both of his. His hands were wiry, but in a pleasant way. His skin was so soft and warm. I looked at his face again, and became a human tsunami. All my pain eroded in a huge wave of tears and deep, heavy sobbing and wailing. He moved in closer, and threw his arms around me, pulling me into a tight, warm embrace.


	24. Chapter 24

“Shhhh, it’s alright, Precious,” he said softly. “Sméagol’s here. Sméagol’s here, Precious.”

I tried to contain my sobbing, but I couldn’t stop. “I’m sorry,” I wailed. “I can’t stop.”

“It’s alright, beautiful lady.” Sméagol caressed the back of my head, and ran his fingers through my hair, just like my Sméagol doll did, but much more obvious. “Did you lose your Precious, too?”

“Something like that.”

“Awww, tell Sméagol about it.”

“It’s a really long story.”

“I will listen, Precious.”

So, I told Sméagol everything––about Logan, our relationship, our breakup, and what just happened. Okay, I didn’t literally tell him everything, but basically summed it up. It was still a lot of information, though, but whatever. I told him about past relationships, fake friends, bullies, all of it. I even told him about my disabilities, how they were the reason why people treated me the way they did, and seemed to hate my guts.

When I finished explaining, I looked at Sméagol. He had tears in his eyes, too. “I’m sorry,” I said shamefully. “Did I upset you?”

Sméagol shook his head. “Sméagol sad for nice lady. I don’t understands why people treats nice lady this way.”

I nearly started crying again. “Thanks, Sméagol. By the way, I forgot to say, um, my name is Cheyenne. Ugh, crap, I’m really bad at talking to people.”

“Cheyenne?”

“Yep.”

“Such a beautiful name, it is. Such a beautiful lady Cheyenne is.”

I smiled through my sadness. “Thanks, Sméagol. I think you’re beautiful, too.”

Sméagol’s eyes lit up. “It thinks Sméagol is beautiful?”

“Yeah, I do, and by the way, I love your name, too. Sméagol is an awesome name.”

“Awesome?” Sméagol inquired. “What’s awesome, Precious?”

“That basically means really, really, really, really, really amazing or good.”

“Ohh.”

“And, I also think you’re awesome.”

Sméagol smiled at me. “Sméagol thinks Cheyenne is awesome, too.”

I blushed. “But, you just met me, and… you just saw a really screwed up side of me.”

“It’s alright. Cheyenne saw Sméagol’s worst side, she did, but Cheyenne still thinks Sméagol is awesome.”

“Yeah, but…” I stopped in my tracks. “Wait, how did you know that… I know your story?”

“Beautiful Galadriel tells me. Such a fair lady she is.”

“Galadriel? She knows… about me?”

“Oh, yes, Precious. She sends Sméagol to you. She tells me you needsed me.”

I was blown away at what I was hearing. Sméagol was sent to me by Lady Galadriel. Lady Galadriel knew who I was. Everything I thought was make believe… seemed to be real.

Sméagol continued. “My precious, you knows all about me, everything I did, everything I tried to do to poor hobbitses, but you still likes me?”

“Because, I know none of it was your fault. It was that stupid ring that made you do all those things. You had so little control over your actions. You’re not a bad guy, Sméagol. You’re good, really good. You always were good. Stupid buttface Sauron is the one at fault, that piece of shit.”

Sméagol giggled.

“But, now, the ring is gone, and you’re free. Am I right?”

“Yes, you are right,” Sméagol said, slightly sad. “The Precious is gone.”

I think I understood why Sméagol felt sad. “You miss it?”

“Yes, a little, but Sméagol knows it was for the best. It only broughts me pain and misery. It didn’t stop the pain like Gollum thought it would.”

“No, it only made things worse for you guys.”

“Yes, much worse, Precious.”

“But, yeah, I have seen you at your worst, and I still like you… a lot. I connected with you immediately. But, you barely know anything about me. I mean, besides all the sad, pathetic stuff I just spewed out to you.”

Sméagol placed his hand on my shoulder, and ran his fingers down my arm. “It’s not pathetic, my precious,” he said sweetly. “Your pain matters to Sméagol. Maybe Sméagol doesn’t know you very well, but he still thinks you’re awesome. Sméagol wants to get to know you more.”

I smiled at Sméagol. “I was right about you.”

“What does it mean, Precious?”

“The real you, you’re kind and sweet and friendly, not at all judgemental. I mean, you just met me, and already saw a full-on emotional breakdown. You didn’t run, though. You didn’t judge me, didn’t look at me like I’m crazy or a big wimp. You didn’t tell me I was getting upset over something stupid, never told me to get over it, move on already. Instead, you comforted me, and you told me that my pain matters to you. Despite everything the ring made you do and say, when I looked at you, I saw nothing but kindness and goodness, and I was right.”

Sméagol gave me a warm, bright smile with tears in his eyes. “Can Sméagol be your friend, Precious?” he asked so sweetly.

I smiled back at him. “I would be honored.”

Sméagol wrapped me in another tight and warm embrace, and planted a little kiss on my cheek. Again, it was similar to what the doll did, but much more obvious.


	25. Chapter 25

Meanwhile, Hayley had just come home from work, carrying her lunch in a plastic bag. She had stopped at Subway on the way home. “Hey, Cheyenne!” she called. “I’m home!”

No answer.

“Cheyenne?!”

Still no answer.

She put down her sub sandwich, and went upstairs to see if I was asleep. She peeped her head into my room. “Cheyenne? Sweetheart?” She didn’t see me in my bed, but she saw that my laptop was open with Logan’s message still up. She tiptoed over, and read the message to herself. “You son-of-a-bitch,” she mumbled angrily as she clicked on his profile to see the pictures he posted with his new girlfriend. Then, she turned around, and saw that the Sméagol doll was also gone, and suddenly realized where I was. She sprinted out of the house. She found me in the field, next to the pond, sitting with what she thought was my Sméagol doll at first glance. Then, she looked again. He was sitting upright on his own, and appeared taller than the doll or than what he was in the movies. She was very confused and amazed at the same time. What was happening? She thought. Was this the real Sméagol? Was he really talking to my baby sister? She slowly approached us. “Hey, Cheyenne,” she greeted cheerfully, relieved to see that I seemed to be okay.

I looked up at my sister. “Oh, hey, Hayley.”

“I thought you might be here after that message from Logan.”

“You saw it?”

“Oh, yeah, and I honestly wanna kick his ass right now.”

“Sorry I didn’t take my phone with me this time. I didn’t––”

“It’s okay, Sweetie.”

“Who’s this?” asked Sméagol.

“This is my big sister, Hayley,” I replied.

Hayley sat down with us. “Hi, Sméagol. I’m Hayley. It’s so nice to meet you.” She extended her hand to Sméagol.

Sméagol reached out, took hold of Hayley’s hand, and shook it gently. “Very nice to meet you, too, Precious.”

“Wow, you are very polite.”

Sméagol smiled warmly at Hayley. “Sméagol likes your sister, Cheyenne, very much. So precious she is.”

“Awww, yeah, she’s very precious to me.” She hugged me. “I wuv her so much.”

“Why does people hates her so much?”

“Because, they’re stupid,” Hayley said resentfully, “and they’re so ignorant. They look at her, and see nothing but brokenness and everything ‘wrong’ about her. She’s had to deal with this shit her whole life. People come into her life, make her think they actually care about her, and then, they turn on her, all because she’s different.”

“They betrays her?”

“Yeah, big time.”

“Sméagol knows how that feels.”

Hayley gave Sméagol a sympathetic smile. “I know you do. Your whole family turned on you when you found the ring.”

“They did, yes,” Sméagol said sadly.

“They didn’t even try to help you.”

“No.”

“That’s because they’re cowards, Sméagol, and unfortunately, this world is full of them. That’s what happened to Cheyenne. People ran away when things got tough.”

“When I showed them the ugly side of Autism,” I said, “they abandoned me.”

“Not just that,” said Hayley, “but people also bullied her… badly.”

“Yes,” said Sméagol. “Cheyenne tells Sméagol about nasty bullieses.”

“Yeah, they were pretty nasty to her.”

“Makes Sméagol very sad, it does.”

“It makes me sad, too, and mad. She’s a good person, one of the best people I know, and people only choose to see everything wrong with her, which, by the way, there’s nothing wrong with her. She’s just built differently. She sees things differently, thinks differently, communicates with people differently, does things differently, and she feels everything so deeply. They don’t see that, though. They only see someone who’s messed up and weird. They don’t see her for the talented, caring, funny, intelligent, good person she is. Maybe I’m biased because I’m her sister, but it’s the honest truth. That’s why she connected with you. She can relate to your pain. Not to your extreme, but she knows what it feels like to be betrayed, abandoned, bullied, and even abused. She knows what it’s like to be judged for something she has no control over. And, she didn’t look at you, and see an evil, corrupted being. She looked at you, and saw a sweet, kind, innocent soul. She sees nothing but beauty when she looks at you.” Hayley sighed heavily. “And, her stupid ex-boyfriend just tossed her aside like she was nothing but trash, like so many others.”

Sméagol’s eyes filled with tears as he gave me another big hug. “Poor Cheyenne,” he sniffled.

“Awwww,” Hayley cooed, “Sméagol, you’re so sweet.”

“Sméagol so sad for nice Cheyenne.”

“Awww, me, too.”


	26. Chapter 26

Then, Hayley changed the subject. “So… this is gonna sound like a really dumb question, but… um… how did you get here, Sméagol?”

“Galadriel sent him,” I replied.

“Yes, Galadriel tells Sméagol Cheyenne needs him, so she sends him here.”

Hayley was confused. “But… how did you… I mean… I thought you…” Then, she thought for a moment. “Wait a minute.” She remembered the life-like doll. “That doll I gave Cheyenne… it was gone when I went upstairs.”

“It was gone when I read Logan’s message,” I added. “I thought someone took it.”

Sméagol shook his head. “Elveses made Sméagol doll. Sméagol spirit they captured in it… after Precious was destroyed.”

“So… after you fell in the lava…” I said, “your spirit was still alive.”

“And, some of the elves made the doll,” added Hayley, “captured your spirit in it, and sent it to a store to be bought.”

Sméagol nodded.

“But, why?” I asked.

“Galadriel tells Sméagol he deserves second chance,” said Sméagol. “She said someone special will buy the doll, someone who needs Sméagol… and then, Sméagol be revived again.”

“So, basically, they sent you to the store to wait for the right person to buy you,” said Hayley, “and once you were in the right hands, they would bring the doll to life. Am I right?”

“Yes, right you are, Precious.”

“That explains why the doll looked so real,” I said, “and why it caressed and kissed me, and why it smiled at me. That was your spirit. You were slowly coming back to life. I guess the doll was a body the elves created for you, to contain your spirit, until it was time to, I guess, resurrect you.”

Sméagol nodded. “Yes,” he said. “Yes, Precious.”

“And, you were trying to comfort me last night, weren’t you?”

“I was, yes. Beautiful Cheyenne was so sad; it broke Sméagol’s heart. I wanted to do more, but that was all I could do for you.”

I smiled at him. “Well, it meant a lot to me, and it helped me a lot, too.”

“Awww,” said Hayley, “Sméagol, I’m so glad they sent you here, and that you’re alive and well.”

“Me, too, Precious,” Sméagol agreed. “So happy to be alive.”

“So… would you like to come with us… back to our house? I’ll give you something to eat. I’m sure you must be hungry.”

“Oh, yes, please!” Sméagol said very excitedly. “Very hungry Sméagol is, Precious. Must eat raw fish.”

“Actually, I want you to try some other stuff. I know the ring made your body very sensitive to most foods, like bread and stuff, but the ring’s gone now. Plus, it’s not really healthy to eat raw meat. It’ll make you sick. I mean, unless it’s sushi. That, you can eat raw.”

“So… if it cooks food for Sméagol, it won’t hurts him?”

“I don’t think it will, and I think you might actually like some of this food.”

“It’s not poison?”

“Nope. Aww, is that why your body couldn’t tolerate any normal food? THe ring made you think it was poisonous?”

Sméagol nodded.

“Awww, you poor thing.” Hayley put her hand on Sméagol’s shoulder. “Well, I promise you, cooked food isn’t poisonous.”

Sméagol smiled eagerly. “Sméagol try cooked foods, Precious.”

“Okay. Come on, Sweetie.”

We all stood up, and Hayley and I noticed that Sméagol was taller than he was in the movies. He wasn’t tall, but taller than both of us. I was only five feet, and Hayley was a couple inches taller. Sméagol was only two or three inches taller than Hayley.

I took hold of Hayley’s arm, and Sméagol followed us both back to the house.


	27. Chapter 27

We walked through the door, and led Sméagol over to the kitchen table.

“Here, have a seat,” Hayley said, pulling a chair out for Sméagol.

Sméagol sat down on the cushioned seat. “Oh, very comfy this is, Precious.”

I nodded in agreement as I sat next to Sméagol.

Hayley rummaged through the pantry and the fridge, and picked out a bunch of different, random foods for Sméagol to try. She set them out on the table, and sat on the other side of him. She cut off a piece of cheddar cheese, and handed it to Sméagol. “This is cheddar cheese.”

Sméagol took hold of the cheese, and nibbled off the edge of it.

“How is it?”

“Good. Sméagol likes it very much, Precious.” He put the rest of the slice in his mouth, and slowly chewed it up.

Hayley then cut off a tiny slice of ham, and handed it to Sméagol. “This is ham. By the way, these foods are already cooked, but some of them have to be kept cold to keep them fresh.”

Sméagol took a small bite of the ham. “Very tasty it is.”

“Oh, good. Do you think you might like a ham and cheese sandwich?”

“Oh, yes, please!”

“Okay, I’ll make you one.” So, Hayley got out two slices of bread, and placed the ham and cheese on each slice. “I’m also going to put mustard and mayonnaise on the sandwich. It gives it more flavor, and makes it juicier.”

“Oh, Sméagol likes juicy.”

“Oh, Sméagol?” I said. “You might wanna wash your hands before you eat. They’ve been in the dirt, and I don’t want you to get sick.”

“Alright.” Sméagol got up from his seat, and followed me over to the sink. “Hold out your hand.” He did so as I squirted some soap into the palm of his hand. “Now, rub it all over your hands, and rub them together under the water, until the soap is all gone.” I turned the water on, and made sure it wasn’t too hot. “Here you go.”

Sméagol rubbed the soap all over his hands. Then, he put them under the running water, and scrubbed and rubbed, until his hands were nice and clean. I grabbed a towel for him to dry his hands on, and then, we both sat back down at the table.

“How did that feel for you?”

“Very nice, Precious,” he said. “Sméagol likes having clean hands.”

“Yeah, it feels so good to be clean.”

“It does, yes.”

Just then, Hayley brought Sméagol’s sandwich over to the table, and placed it in front of him. “There you go, Sméagol.”

“Thank you, Precious. Oh, this looks delicious, it does.”

“Would you like something with it, like maybe some chips?”

“Chips?”

“They’re different from Middle Earth chips.” Hayley opened a bag of potato chips, and handed a chip to Sméagol to try. “Here.”

Sméagol popped the chip in his mouth. “So tasty this is,” he said happily.

“Want some with your sandwich?”

“Yes, please.”

Hayley poured some chips onto Sméagol’s plate. “THere you go. Enjoy.”

“Thank you, Precious.”

“You’re welcome.” Then, Hayley grabbed her sub sandwich off the counter, took it out of the bag, and put it onto a plate. She poured some chips on her plate, and sat back down.

“What’s that?” Sméagol asked, pointing to the sub.

“It’s a sub sandwich. It’s different from the sandwich you’re having, but it’s also really good. Hey, how’s your lunch?”

Sméagol smiled at Hayley. “Very, very good. Sméagol loves ham sandwiches.”

“Good. So, you liked the mustard and mayo I put on it?”

“Oh, yes, very much. So juicy sweet it is.”

Hayley giggled. “You’re so cute, Sméagol.”

I smiled and nodded in agreement.

“What about poor Cheyenne?” asked Sméagol. “She’s not eating anything.”

“Oh, I already had my lunch,” I said.

“Oh, what did it eat, Precious?”

“Ramen noodles. They’re really good, too. I’ll make you some sometime.” Ramen noodles and popcorn are pretty much the only things I know how to cook.

“Alright.”

After lunch, Sméagol helped Hayley clean up, and put the dishes away.

“Thank you, Sméagol,” she said. “You’re very helpful.”

“Sméagol loves helping.”

“Aww, you’re so sweet.”


	28. Chapter 28

When the dishwasher was on, and everything was put away, we led Sméagol up the stairs to the bathroom to show him how to take a shower. We showed him how to use shampoo, how to clean his body, since it had been so long since he had taken any kind of bath, and we showed him how the shower worked. We made sure the water was a good temperature for him. Then, when he knew what to do, we left the bathroom to give him some privacy.

While we waited, we both raided our closets, and laid out some clothes to show him. Obviously, since our clothes were for girls, we weren’t going to dress him in them. Plus, they would probably not fit him properly. We just wanted to give him examples of some clothes and fabrics he might like. As we laid out the clothes on Hayley’s bed, we heard Sméagol humming a happy tune in the shower. We smiled at each other.

“Wow,” I said, “he has a beautiful singing voice.”

“He sure does,” said Hayley.

Sméagol’s singing was different from the movies. In the movies, he didn’t really try to sing an actual tune, or sing on key. This time, he was singing every note on key, and in his higher register. His singing voice was very soft and pure sounding with a very rapid yet smooth vibrato that was very similar to Hayley’s. Hayley had a very fast but pure and smooth-sounding vibrato that made her unbelievably sweet voice sound even sweeter, and the fast vibrato had the same effect on Sméagol’s already very sweet voice. Listening to him sing, my heart fluttered, and I almost wanted to cry.

When Sméagol finished up in the shower, he dried himself off. Then, he wrapped a towel around his waist as he opened the door. “Sméagol’s all clean now!” he sang in a very high, soft voice.

Hayley and I laughed softly.

“You smell so good,” said Hayley.

Sméagol smiled. “Thank you, Precious.” He followed us into Hayley’s room, and we showed him the different kinds of clothing.

“This is a sweater,” I said.

“It’s beautiful,” said Sméagol.

“Feel.”

Sméagol ran his fingers across the sweater. “Oooh, it’s so soft. Sméagol loves sweaterses.”

Hayley showed Sméagol some sweat pants. He also liked the material. Then, she opened her closet to see if there was anything else he might like. He peaked in, and reached out his hand, touching one of her onesies.

“What’s this, Precious?” he asked.

“Oh, that’s a onesie,” she replied. “I like to wear these around the house, and I wear them every night when I go to sleep. They’re so comfortable.”

“Oh, can Sméagol see?”

“Of course.” Hayley pulled out one of her onesies, and showed it to Sméagol. “See?”

“Oh, so pretty it is. What’s this?” He pointed to the zipper.

“That’s a zipper.” Hayley showed him how the zipper worked.

Sméagol giggled in delight. “Oh, Sméagol loves the sound it makes.”

Hayley giggled. “Me, too, and I love the way it feels against my skin. I like to zip it up and down when I’m wearing it sometimes. It tickles so much, and it makes me giggle.” She giggled again thinking about it. Then, she turned the onesie around, and showed Sméagol the back.

Sméagol squealed in delight! “It has a tail!”

They both giggled.

“Well, I will definitely get you some onesies. You wanna put on my bath robe while I go buy you some clothes?”

“Yes, please. Towel feels too wet. Not comfy at all.”

“Okay.” Hayley went in her closet, and pulled out her green bath robe. She handed it to Sméagol. “It zips up in the front, by the way.”

Sméagol smiled as he slipped his arms into the robe. Hayley showed him how to connect the zipper, and he zipped it all the way up, giggling with such delight.

“How does that feel?” asked Hayley.

“Very, very comfy, Precious. Sméagol loves the zipper.”

Hayley smiled. “So, you want me to get you some onesies with tails, sweat pants, and sweaters?”

Sméagol nodded.

“You might wanna get him some short-sleeved shirts, too,” I suggested.

“Oh, yes,” Sméagol agreed. “Very warm it is outside.”

“Do you want any clothes with zippers?” asked Hayley.

“Yes!” Sméagol squealed. “Everything! Sméagol wants zipperses on everything, please!”

Hayley giggled. “I’ll see what I can find, Sweetie.” She gave him a hug. “Okay, I’ll be back in a couple hours. Take care of my baby sister, okay?”

Sméagol put his arm around me. “Oh, Sméagol take very good care of beautiful Cheyenne.”

“Awww, I know you will. Okay, be back in a little while.”


	29. Chapter 29

After Hayley left, I led Sméagol into my room, and he looked around at all the technology I had––my television, computer, phone, and more.

“What are these, Precious?” he asked.

“Oh, well, this is a television,” I said, “or a TV for short.”

“What’s a TV?”

“Well, you can watch things on it.”

“Like Galadriel’s mirror?”

“Kind of. You can watch different shows and movies. They’re like visual stories that you can watch on the screen. Or, you can watch the news, so you know what’s going on in the world today. You can even watch concerts.”

“Concertses?”

“Yeah, concerts are when musicians perform in front of big crowds. Some of them, they record them, so people who can’t attend those concerts can still watch them.”

“Music?!” Sméagol inquired eagerly.

“You like music?”

“Oh, I loves music, Precious! Nice hobbitses played music… a long time ago, Sméagol remembers. Beautiful music.”

“Did you ever play?”

“No. Sméagol loved to sing, though.”

“Yeah, I can tell. I heard you in the shower. You have a beautiful voice.”

Sméagol smiled at me. “It thinks my voice is beautiful?”

“Heck yeah. I actually almost cried listening to you.”

“Awwwwwww!” Sméagol squealed, giving me a hug. “Cheyenne so sweet!”

I blushed and smiled. “You’re really sweet, too. I love your hugs.”

“Awww, Sméagol loves hugses.”

“Me, too, especially if you hug me with a soft, fluffy sweater.”

Sméagol giggled. “Oh, yes, sweaters are very fluffy. Sméagol can see you loves sweaterses.”

“Yeah, ever since I was a baby. See, one of my Autistic traits is called Sensory Processing Disorder, which means my brain interprets sensory input, like smells, sounds, textures, tastes, and other stuff, differently. There’re some things I’m really sensitive to. That’s negative sensory input, and if I’m exposed to it for too long, I might have a meltdown. Some stuff, I’m undersensitive to, and that’s positive sensory input. So, sweaters and anything sweatery is positive sensory input for me. I love the soft, fuzzy, fluffy feel to them. When I was a little girl, every time I would see someone wearing a sweater, I would run up to them, touch their sweater, and go, ‘Sweeeeeaaaaaterrrrr! May I hug your sweeeaaaterrr?’”

“Awwwwwwwwwwww!” Sméagol squealed, giggling uncontrollably. “So cute you are, Precious!”

I giggled. “To this day, I still love saying ‘sweeeaaaterrr.’ It’s a way of stimming.”

“What’s stimming?”

“It’s how Autistic people block out negative sensory input, get their sensory fix, or just express themselves. I love to rub and snuggle my sweaters and say ‘sweeeaaaterrr’ as a way of getting my sensory fix, or just to express when I’m happy.” I grabbed one of the crochet blankets off my bed, and showed it to Sméagol. “This is one of my favorite blankets. My mom made it for me when I was a kid. I call it a sweater blanket, because it feels just like a sweater.”

“Can Sméagol touch it?”

“You can hold it if you want.” I handed the blanket to Sméagol, and watched him rub his hands against the soft fabric. I giggled when he rubbed it against his face, giggling like an innocent child.

“So soft and snuggly it is, Precious!” he squealed. “It tickles Sméagol’s face, it does!”

I snickered. “I love being tickled.”

Sméagol giggled. “Me, too. Does it like zipperses?”

“Well, I don’t like to wear anything with zippers on it, because I don’t like the way they feel on me. But…” I smiled at Sméagol, “I love the way you look in them. They suit you perfectly, and I love the way Hayley looks in them.”

Sméagol smiled back. “Does it like the sound they makes when I plays with them?” He took hold of his zipper, and zipped it up and down.

I laughed. “Yeah, it’s a funny sound.”

He giggled, and zipped the robe back up again.

“However… I hate, hate, hate clothes with buttons. I don’t like to look at them, touch them, wear them, any of that. Sensory hell no!”

Sméagol chuckled. “Sméagol doesn’t like them, either, Precious.”

“Pretty much everything I own is pullover, all sensory friendly for me. I like dresses and skirts instead of pants and shorts, because I hate things between my legs.”

“Oh, Sméagol doesn’t mind that.”

“Then, you’ll probably like the onesies Hayley finds for you.”

Sméagol smiled. “Yes, Precious, I can’t wait to try on onesies!”

“I can’t wait to see you in one. You’ll look really cute.”

Sméagol giggled again.

“By the way, you have the cutest laugh ever.”

Sméagol giggled even more, and smiled sweetly at me. “Very sweet Cheyenne is.”

“So are you, Sméagol.” Then, I changed the subject. “Hey, remember a minute ago, we were talking about music? Well, I also really love to sing.”

“Cheyenne sings, too?”

“Yep. Come on.”


	30. Chapter 30

I led Sméagol downstairs to the music room.

“What’s this, Precious?”

“Oh, this is a piano. It’s a musical instrument. Lemme show you.” I sat at the piano with Sméagol sitting next to me, and played a few bars.

“It sounds beautiful.”

“Thanks. My mom taught both me and Hayley how to play when we were kids.” Then, I played and sang one of my favorite songs, “Walk Beside Me” by Celtic Woman. Yes, the song did bring up some memories of Logan, but I felt like, as long as Sméagol was there, I could handle it. However, I did get a little emotional.

When I finished, I turned to Sméagol to ask what he thought. He was wiping tears from his eyes, and crying softly.

“So beautiful, Precious,” he wept. “So beautiful it was. Cheyenne sings even more beautifully than the elveses.”

“Whoa, what?” I was truly flabbergasted at his remark. The elves in Middle Earth sing like angels, and he thought I sounded even better? What?!

“So much feeling, so much passion, so much… beauty in your voice, my precious.”

“Wow, I… I’m speechless. Nobody’s ever said that about my singing before.”

“Nobody ever thought it was beautiful?”

“I mean, a lot of people have said they think I have a beautiful voice, but nobody has ever complimented it like you did. That… wow, that really meant a lot to me. Thank you, Sméagol.”

“You’re welcome, Precious. But… Sméagol saw so much sadness in your eyes when you were singing.”

“Yeah, I guess I was.”

“Why, Precious?”

“Well, it… kinda made me think of Logan. It wasn’t our song, but it was a special song for both of us. When we were still just best friends, we were listening to this song, and… he took my hand, and promised he would always walk beside me.” I sighed heavily. “So much for that promise, huh?”

Sméagol didn’t say anything. He just put his arm around me, and pulled me into a big hug. He caressed the back of my head with his big, warm hands, and played with my hair.

Then, we went back upstairs, and I showed him how the television worked. I showed him my DVD player, explained what DVDs were as best I could, and I picked out a random DVD to play––Celtic Woman’s Destiny concert DVD.

“This is my all-time favorite music group ever,” I said to Sméagol. “They’re called Celtic Woman, and they’re from a country called Ireland. Their music is really beautiful and amazing. Hayley was the one who got me into them when I was thirteen.”

Sméagol and I curled up in front of the TV, and watched the DVD together. Sméagol was immediately hooked. The music was so gorgeous and new to him, nothing he’d ever heard before, yet it made him think of Middle Earth.

Towards the end of the concert, they performed “Walk Beside Me.” It started with just Éabha McMahon singing, and Máiréad Nesbitt playing the violin. Then, the bagpipes began to play as Mairéad Carlin and Susan McFadden joined Éabha. They both took hold of her hand as the three of them sang the last chorus together.

As they were singing, Sméagol looked at me, and took my hand in both of his. “Sméagol always walk beside you, Precious. I promise.”

I looked at Sméagol with tears in my eyes.

He could tell I was scared of getting hurt again. “I won’t breaks my promise to you, my precious friend, as long as you promises to walk beside me, too.”

“Sméagol, I know we just met today, but… I wanted to walk beside you the minute I saw you. I mean, before we met. I’m not gonna turn on you, but I will warn you that… I’m a lot to handle. I have a lot of baggage, a lot of issues, and that breakdown you saw earlier today isn’t even the absolute worst of me. I’m super sensitive. I get my feelings hurt easily. Another Autistic trait I can’t really control. I’ve lost a lot of friends and relationships, because people got sick of me getting so upset over something so dumb. I’m super emotional, a huge crybaby, and I’ve been told by many, many people that I’m a drama queen. Can you handle that?”

Sméagol held my hand tighter. “My precious, so much worse I have seen. So much worse I have said and done, yet you still wants me as your friend. Sméagol never leave you, ever. Whatever it is, Sméagol can handle it.”

More tears poured out of my eyes as I leaned on Sméagol’s shoulder, hoping he would hug me again.

Sméagol wrapped one arm around me, and reached his other hand over to me, taking hold of my hand. “You’re Sméagol’s best friend, Precious. Best friend forever.” He kissed my cheek, and wrapped his other arm around me, pulling me into another big hug.


	31. Chapter 31

When we finished watching the DVD, we went back downstairs, and just sat on the sofa together.

“Oh, so comfy this is, Precious,” said Sméagol.

“Yeah,” I agreed, “Hayley and I sit here all the time, watch TV, watch movies, or just… talk.”

“What do you talk about?”

“Anything. Music… guys… life, everything.”

“So nice.”

“Yeah, it is nice.”

“You lives together, do you?”

“Yep, a few years now. She looks after me. There’s things I can’t do for myself, like cooking and cleaning and… laundry, and she takes care of that for me.”

“Why can’t it do it?”

“My disabilities. I can’t see well enough to do most of those things, and Autism also makes it a hundred times harder. Some things are too difficult for my brain to grasp. Others are too overwhelming for me.”

“Oh, Sméagol understands now.”

“Hayley’s a saint. She’s been taking care of me since we were kids. Our dad died when we were little, so Mom had to raise us on her own. Then, one day, Hayley decided she wanted to help. I don’t know what the hell drove her to, but she made Mom’s life a lot easier. That, and it helped us get closer. She took her time to understand me, how to communicate with me, all that stuff. I don’t know how she never got pissed or annoyed at me. I was a pain in the ass when I was a kid, but she was always so patient with me.”

Sméagol smiled. “So nice Hayley is.”

“Yeah, she’s the best sister ever.” I sighed. “I feel so guilty sometimes.”

“Why, Precious?”

“She does all this stuff for me while going to work full time, and I can barely do anything to help her. I don’t know. A lot of times, I feel like I’m leaching off of her, taking advantage of her, you know?”

“Mustn’t feel guilty,” Sméagol said sweetly, “Not its fault, Precious. Cheyene did not ask for disabilities.”

“Yeah, I know. And, she says she loves taking care of me, but… sometimes, I wonder if she’s saying that just to please me, so I won’t feel guilty… when the real truth is, I’m a huge burden to her. I mean, she could be doing so many other things with her life right now––going to school for the job of her dreams, getting married, having kids, all that. I sometimes wonder if all that would be the case if it wasn’t for me. Plus, it’s not just my disabilities she has to deal with. It’s my mental health problems, too––depression, anxiety, all that stuff.”

“Has it talked to her about these feelings?”

“Yep, and she still insists she’s happy.”

“Why doesn’t it believe her?”

I suddenly began to tear up again. “Because… other people told me this stuff… that I am a burden, leaching off her, and making her miserable…” I began to cry. “And, that she deserves better than to have to carry my load.”

Sméagol looked at me with so much sadness in his eyes. “Who tells you that?”

“A lot of people––friends and boyfriends who turned on me, some of her friends, other random people, some of Mom’s friends, too. They said I ruined her life, and I’m a horrible person, and she should’ve thrown me out a long time ago.”

“Oh, my poor precious, come here.” Sméagol pulled me into another big hug, and held me tightly. “They don’t knows Hayley. They don’t knows what she feels. No right they have to judge what they don’t knows. Very sweet and beautiful and wonderful you are. Not a burden, but a very special person you are. Very, very special with beautiful voice and very, very big heart… and beautiful, gold hair.” He gently played with my hair. “So long, so soft, so pretty it is.” He kissed my cheek. “Just like Cheyenne.” He caressed the back of my head and my backside. “Oh, so much more beautiful than the Precious, much more special.”

“God, Sméagol,” I sobbed, “you are seriously the sweetest guy I have ever met.”

“Awwwww!”

“Sorry I cry so much over everything.”

Sméagol smiled sweetly at me. “It’s alright, Precious. Doesn’t bother Sméagol at all.”

“Like I said, I’m a super emotional person.”

“Awww, I knows, Precious, and it’s beautiful. Shows how big your heart is. Cheyenne feels everything so deeply, she does, and it touches Sméagol’s heart.”

I smiled at Sméagol through my tears. “You know… besides Hayley, you’re the first person to ever say that to me. Most people would tell me I’m too sensitive and too emotional, that I need to grow up already.”

“They don’t knows Cheyenne. They never tries to know her. Sméagol tries to know her.”

“Even though we only met a few hours ago.”

“Yes,” Sméagol agreed, “but somehow, Sméagol feels like he’s known Cheyenne his whole life.”


	32. Chapter 32

Just then, we heard the front door open, and a very cheerful voice singing, “Hellooooo! I’m hooooome!”

“We’re in the living room!” I called.

Sméagol giggled. “Awww, so cute she is!”

Hayley came into the living room, carrying a mound of shopping bags. “Guess what, Sméagol,” she singsonged. “I found everything you wanted!”

Sméagol squealed with joy as Hayley showed him everything she bought. His eyes lit up brighter than the blue sky when he saw all the sweaters, pants, onesies, shirts, and even hoodies, all with zippers down the front. Every onesie had a long, fuzzy, curly, springy tail in the back. Even some of the hoodies had little springy tails in the back. Some of them had cat and bunny ears on the hoods. Hayley even found a few pairs of sweatpants with little springy tails in the back. He gleefully and eagerly tried everything on. Everything fit him perfectly, which made him even happier.

“Is everything comfortable?” Hayley asked as Sméagol came out of the bathroom in a light blue onesie, dancing and humming happily.

“Oh, yes, very comfy, Precious!” he replied with a sweet smile, giggling with so much joy, like a sweet, innocent child on Christmas morning.

Hayley giggled. “Sméagol, you are just the cutest little muffin!” She gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Awwwww!” Sméagol cooed, returning the hug, and even the kiss on the cheek. “So sweet Hayley is!”

The two of them looked over at me, and saw a huge smile plastered on my face.

“What are you smiling at?” Hayley teased.

“Sméagol,” I replied. “He looks so cute and cuddly in that onesie.”

Hayley giggled. “Yeah, he does look adorable, doesn’t he?”

Sméagol blushed.

“And, he’s so sweet,” I added.

“Yes, he is a sweetie-pie.”

Sméagol blushed even more, and he smiled at me. “Sméagol thinks Cheyenne is a sweetie-pie. So lucky Sméagol is to have a friend like her.”

They both sat down on the sofa with Hayley on one side of me and Sméagol on the other.

“I feel really lucky to have you as my friend, too,” I said. “I also feel really lucky to have a sister like Hayley. I mean, you guys are the best. Today started out as a horrible, shitty day, and now… I can’t stop smiling. I may have been dumped by the love of my life, and he had to go and rub it in my face. But, Hayley, you were there for me through it all, and you were the one who introduced me to Sméagol. And, Sméagol, when I first found you, before we actually met, I felt like God sent me a guardian angel. Now, you’re actually here for real, and… I… I have no words. I know we just met, but… like you said earlier, I feel like I’ve known you forever.” I sighed happily. “I freaking love you guys.”

“Awwwww,” Sméagol and Hayley cooed at the same time as they both wrapped their arms around me.

“We love you, too, Sweetie,” said Hayley.

“Yes,” Sméagol agreed, “very, very much.”

I nuzzled up in the warmth of their embrace.

“Hey, Sméagol,” said Hayley, “how’s that tail feel?”

Sméagol smiled at Hayley. “Sméagol loves his tail,” he said happily. “Very comfy it feels. Sméagol always wanted one.”

“Awww, you always wanted a tail?” Hayley said excitedly. “Me, too!”

I laughed to myself. It was amazing how alike Hayley and Sméagol really were. You’d think they were twins separated at birth… or the perfect couple.

“I’ll be right back,” Hayley said as she jumped up from her seat, and hurried up the stairs. She came back down a few minutes later in a red onesie with pink and white hearts all over it. If you’re wondering, yes, it also had a zipper down the front and a long tail in the back. All of her onesies do.

Sméagol squealed with delight! “So cute Hayley is!” He got up from his seat, and gave her a big hug.

For the rest of the evening, the three of us snuggled together on the sofa while watching movies and eating junk food. Yes, Sméagol enjoyed the food as well. It was his first time eating pizza and Doritos, and drinking soft drinks, and he enjoyed every bite and every sip. He also enjoyed the movies we watched––The Little Mermaid, The Lucky One, and Ted.

The three of us laughed and cried throughout all the movies as we stuffed our faces, but more importantly, we enjoyed each other’s company.

As for me, I felt much better than I did earlier. It was a lousy day that turned into one of the best days of my life.


	33. Chapter 33

However, the moment of truth would come that night. While I was getting ready for bed, I wondered how I would be able to handle everything.

“So, Sméagol,” Hayley said as she was making my bedtime snack, “we have extra bedrooms if you’d like to stay here.”

Sméagol’s face lit up. “Really? Sméagol live here with nice humanses?”

“Of course. Besides, I think you’ll be a lot more comfortable in a warm bed rather than a cave.”

“Oh, yes, much more comfy, Precious.”

“Well, give me a few minutes, and I’ll make up your bed for you.”

When Hayley finished making my snack, we all went upstairs together. I put my snack down in my room, and came out to help Hayley and Sméagol. The room she picked for him was right next to my room. Hayley put a fresh pair of sheets on the bed and a warm, fuzzy comforter. She showed Sméagol how all the electronics worked––the overhead lights, bedside lamp, and the television, and helped him put all his clothes away.

“So, what do you think?” Hayley asked.

Sméagol sat down on the bed. “Oh, so warm, so soft, so comfy the bed is! Haven’t slept in a bed in so long.”

“I’ll bet.”

“Hayley?”

“Yeah?”

“Does Sméagol have to take off onesie to sleep?”

“Nope, not if you don’t want to. I sleep in mine all the time. They’re so comfortable.”

“Good. Sméagol too comfy in nice onesie.”

“Then, go ahead, and sleep in it. This is your home now, Sméagol. We want you to be comfortable and happy.”

Sméagol smiled. “Sméagol very happy, Precious,” he said sweetly.

“Awww, I’m glad, Sweetheart.” Hayley gave him a big hug. “Good night, Sméagol.”

“Good night, my precious friend,” Sméagol said, returning the hug, and planting a little kiss on Hayley’s cheek.

Hayley smiled warmly as she turned to me. “Good night, Sweetie.” She gave me a big hug and a kiss on the forehead. “Love you, my baby sissy-poo.”

Sméagol giggled.

“Night, Hayley,” I replied, returning the hug. “Big fluffy sweater hugs,” I said in a silly voice.

Hayley and Sméagol giggled.

“Yes, very big fluffy sweater hugs,” said Hayley as she squeezed me tighter, giggling like an innocent little girl.

“Ow, I snickered.

“Oh!” Hayley squeaked. “Whoops, you got your hair stuck in my zipper.”She carefully removed my hair. “There you go, Sweetie-Pie.”

The three of us snickered at the comical situation.

“Well, nighty-night,” Hayley said sweetly as she headed for bed.

I looked at Sméagol, hoping for a hug from him. “Well, good night, Sméagol,” I said awkwardly.

“Good night, Cheyenne,” he replied.

“Um… okay.” I turned hesitantly. I really didn’t want to ask for a hug. I felt dumb doing that. Why? I don’t know.

“What is it, Precious?”

“Oh, uh… nothing,” I said, laughing awkwardly. “Um, yeah… good night.”

As I started to walk out, Sméagol came up behind me, and gently took hold of my arm. “Come here, Precious,” he said sweetly, pulling me into a big hug. “Sméagol knows what it wants. It wanted a hug, didn’t it?”

“Yeah,” I said awkwardly, but so happy to get that hug. “I just… didn’t wanna ask.”

“Why?”

“I’m just really awkward sometimes.”

“Awwww, it’s alright, my precious. Always Cheyenne can ask Sméagol for hugses. Sméagol loves hugses.”

“Big fluffy sweater hugses?” I said in my silly voice.

Sméagol giggled. “Yes, biggest, fluffiest sweater hugses.” He rubbed my arms and backside while hugging me. “Oh, so soft your sweater dress is. So snuggly it makes your hugses.”

I laughed softly and smiled at Sméagol. “Your hugs are snuggly, too, Sméagol.”

Sméagol giggled again.

“Well, good night.”

“Awww, good night, Precious.” Sméagol squeezed me a little tighter for a few seconds. Then, he planted a kiss on my cheek. “Sleep well, my beautiful friend.”

“You, too.”

Unfortunately, I did not sleep well that night. I kept seeing Logan’s face in my dreams, seeing him with his new girlfriend, and hearing his words echoing in my head––all his promises he made me, all the sweet things he used to say to me, and even his beautiful singing. Then, I heard his voice repeating the words he said to me when he broke up with me. Oh, oops, the words he texted me. I even heard him repeat his message from earlier. It went back and forth from the things he said when we were together to things he said to me when and after we broke up. I even heard him saying the same sweet things to his new girlfriend, and watched him kiss her right in front of me as if I wasn’t even there. Every time I woke up, I would be relieved for a moment that it was all a dream. Then, I would begin to miss Logan again, and I broke down sobbing quietly until I fell back asleep, only to have the same dreams again.


	34. Chapter 34

A few days later, Hayley and I decided to take Sméagol out for his first outing. The three of us were getting ready for karaoke at Callahan’s.

“You almost ready, Sméagol?!” Hayley called from downstairs.

“Yes, Precious!” Sméagol replied from his room. “Sméagol be ready soon!”

“Okay, Sweetie!”

“You look really pretty, Hayley,” I said.

Hayley smiled. “Thank you, Sweetie. So do you.”

We were both wearing different sun dresses. Mine was yellow with white flowers, and hers was sky blue.

Sméagol came downstairs in a purple shirt and a black pair of pants. “I’m ready!” he singsonged happily.

“Oh, Sméagol, you look adorable,” said Hayley.

“Yep,” I agreed, “very handsome.” Whoa, I hope that didn’t come off like I was flirting with him… even though I really did think he was super handsome.

Sméagol smiled at us. “Thank you, my precious friends.” Then, he looked at us again. “Oh, so beautiful nice humanses looks,” he said sweetly, “like elvish princesses.”

I blushed and gushed like a teenage girl.

“Awwww, thank you, Sméagol!” Hayley cried.

“Dang it, Sméagol,” I added, still smiling like a goofy teenage girl, “you’re so sweet!”

Sméagol smiled warmly. “Sméagol means it.”

“We know,” Hayley said. “So, you ready to go?”

Sméagol and I nodded as we followed Hayley out to the car.

“Oh, what’s this, Precious?” Sméagol asked with fascination.

“This is a car,” said Hayley. “It’s how we get around. Here.” She took Sméagol’s hand, and led him to the other side. “Why don’t you sit in the back with Cheyenne?”

“Oh, alright.”

Hayley opened the car door, and Sméagol climbed in. “Here, lemme help you.” She took hold of the seatbelt, and buckled it for him. “That’s a seatbelt,” she said. “It keeps you safe while we’re driving.”

“Oh, Sméagol likes seatbelt.”

“Yeah, it is pretty neat.”

“So, are you comfy?” I asked.

“Yes, very comfy Sméagol is, Precious,” Sméagol replied happily.

Hayley then closed Sméagol’s door, walked to the front of the car, and climbed in. Sméagol watched her put the key in the ignition, and giggled when he felt the vibration as the car was being turned on.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

“It tickles!” Sméagol laughed.

Hayley laughed. “You like how that felt?”

“Yes!”

Then, Hayley slowly backed out of the driveway, turned around, and began to drive.

“Weeeeeeeeeeeee!” Sméagol squealed.

Hayley and I laughed.


	35. Chapter 35

We arrived just as Abby was getting out of her car. Hayley opened her window, and waved to her. “Hey!”

“Hey, guys!” she greeted excitedly.

“Who is she?” Sméagol asked me.

“That’s our best friend, Abby,” I said, unbuckling my seatbelt.

“Oh. Is she nice, too?”

“She’s really nice. You’ll like her.”

Hayley closed the window, got out of the car, and ran to Abby, giving her a big hug.

While they talked, I got out of the car, and came around to Sméagol’s side to help him. “Do you know how to unbuckle your seatbelt?” I asked.

Sméagol felt around, and successfully unbuckled it.

“You got it,” I said, helping him put the seatbelt back.

“Thank you, Precious,” said Sméagol as he climbed out, and followed me to where Abby was.

“Oh, there they are!” said Hayley. “Abby, I want you to meet––”

“Sméagol?!” Abby squealed.

Sméagol looked at Abby, very surprised. “It knows my name?”

Abby laughed. “Of course, I know who you are! Wow, it’s so nice to finally meet you!” She reached out her hand. “I’m Abby, by the way.”

Sméagol took hold of Abby’s hand, and gently shook it with a warm smile on his face. “Very nice to meet you, too, Abby.”

“Wow, you’re a lot taller than I thought you were.”

Sméagol laughed awkwardly. He honestly didn’t understand how his height changed. He remembered being three and a half feet tall, but somehow, when he was revived and sent to me, he grew nearly two feet. Maybe it was to help him fit in a little more. Of course, that was the only physical difference. That, and the fact that he had an easier time standing upright and walking on his two feet, rather than on all fours. He was still very skinny and wiry with big hands and feet and long, wiry toes and fingers, just like he appeared in the movies.

We headed inside, and found a well-illuminated booth in the corner, only a few feet away from the stage. Hayley and Abby sat on one side, while Sméagol and I sat on the other.

“Sméagol never been to a restaurant before,” said Sméagol.

“You’ll love it, Sméagol,” said Abby. “The food here is really good.”

“Must we cooks it ourselves?”

“Nope. A waitress comes over to take your order. Tell her what you want, and she’ll tell the cooks in the kitchen. Then, they make the food, and the waitress brings it back out.”

“Same with drinks,” I said. “She’ll come over, and ask us what we want to drink. Then, she’ll bring them, and ask what we wanna eat.”

“And, all the foods they have are listed on the menu,” said Hayley, picking up the menu, and showing it to Sméagol.

“Oh, Sméagol understands now,” Sméagol said, fascinated.

“Hey, Sméagol,” I said, “they have fish here.”

Sméagol’s face lit up. “Fish?!”

“It’s not raw, though,” said Hayley. “It’s fried, and it comes with fries.”

“What’s fries, Precious?”

“They’re like the chips in Middle Earth.”

Sméagol hesitated.

“It’s really, really good,” I said encouragingly. “It’s one of my favorite meals here.”

Sméagol thought for a moment. “Alright,” he said nervously, “I gives it a try.”

“You’ll love it, Sméagol,” said Abby, looking at her menu.

Just then, the waitress came by to take our drink orders. “Hey, guys!” she greeted cheerfully. She knew who we were since we were regular customers.

“Hey, Stacy,” Hayley greeted with a warm smile.

“What can I get you to drink?”

“I’ll take a Dr. Pepper with light ice, please,” I said.

“Sweet tea, please,” said Hayley.

“I’ll take a bourbon and coke, please,” said Abby.

Then, Stacy turned to Sméagol. “And, for you, sir?”

“Sméagol take water, please,” he said shyly.

“Okay, I’ll be right back,” said Stacy as she walked away.

“Great job, Sméagol,” said Hayley. “You were very polite.”

Sméagol smiled.

Soon, Stacy arrived back with our drinks. “Are you guys ready to order, or do you need a minute?”

“Nope, we’re ready,” said Abby. “I’ll take the shepherd's pie, please.”

“Cheeseburger and fries, please,” said Hayley, “with ranch dressing on the side.”

“And, how do you want that cooked?” asked Stacy.

“Medium.”

“I’ll take the fish and chips, please,” I said, “with ranch, tarter, and cocktail sauce on the side.”

“Sméagol take the same, please.”

“With all the same sauces?” Stacy inquired.

Sméagol hesitated.

“Give ‘em a try,” I said encouragingly.

“Yes, please,” said Sméagol.

Stacy smiled. “Alright. I’ll bring you guys some bread, and your food will be ready in a jiffy.”

“Thank you,” we all said.

“Bread?” Sméagol inquired, remembering the bread he choked on back in Middle Earth.

“It’s okay, Sméagol,” said Hayley. “You won’t choke on it now. The ring is gone. That’s what prevented you from enjoying all these yummy foods.”

Sméagol sighed. “And… Gollum wouldn’t eats it, either.”

“By the way, where is Gollum?”

“I don’t knows,” said Sméagol. “Hopefully gone forever.”

That saddened me to hear, and even more so to hear how resentful Sméagol seemed to be towards Gollum. However, I guess I understood. I mean, I didn’t live in his body and mind, so I don’t know how either of them felt.


	36. Chapter 36

Our food finally arrived a few minutes later, and smelled amazing as always. Even Sméagol’s mouth watered, looking at the fish and chips on his plate.

“Careful, Sméagol,” said Abby. “It’s hot.”

“Try blowing on it,” added Hayley. “That helps a little sometimes.”

“Yeah, try giving it a blowjob,” I joked.

Abby and Hayley snickered at my dirty joke.

Sméagol, on the other hand, was very confused. “What’s a blowjob, Precious?”

“I’ll tell you later,” I replied, snickering. “It’s something sexual,” I whispered.

Sméagol smirked as he blew on his fries softly, and waited until they weren’t too hot to pick up. Then, he popped one in his mouth. He slowly and carefully chewed it.

“How is it?” I asked.

“Very tasty,” he said happily. “Sméagol loves chips.”

“Try dipping them in the ranch,” Hayley said, pointing to the condiment cup containing ranch dressing.

Sméagol picked up another fry, and carefully dipped it in his ranch. He quickly popped it in his mouth to prevent it from dripping all over his clothes. “Even better it tastes!”

Hayley and I smiled, knowing how much we love dipping our fries in ranch dressing instead of ketchup.

“Why don’t you eat your fries first?” Abby suggested. “Give your fish time to cool down.”

“And, fries get cold fast,” I added, “and cold, soggy fries taste nasty.”

Sméagol chuckled. “Alright, Sméagol eat tasty fries first.”

So, Sméagol finished his fries. Then, he broke off a small piece of his fish, popped it in his mouth, and chewed it slowly.

“Well?” Abby wondered.

“So much better than raw fish, Precious!”

“You like it?” I asked.

“Oh, Sméagol loves it!”

“Try dipping it in the sauces.”

Sméagol did so. He dipped one piece in the tarter, and the other in the cocktail sauce. “Mmmmm! So tasty!”

I smiled. “See? I knew you’d like it.”

“Oh, yes, very much, Precious.” Sméagol kissed my forehead. “Thank you, Cheyenne. So kind you are to Sméagol.”

I rested my head on Sméagol’s shoulder. “So kind you are to Cheyenne.”

Sméagol giggled, and put his arm around me. “So grateful I am to be your friend.”

“Me, too, Sméagol. You’re awesome.”

“Awwwww!” Abby and Hayley swooned.


	37. Chapter 37

Soon, it was time for karaoke. Callahan’s is a bit different from most karaoke places. Yes, it had a KJ with a computer system and a song catalog. However, there was also a piano for anyone who wanted to sing a song that wasn’t in the catalog, and knew how to play the song themselves. Most of the songs Hayley and I sing are not in the catalog, so Hayley always plays the accompaniment when either of us sing.

“Alright, everyone,” the KJ announced, “let’s get this party started! First up,we have the lovely and talented Hayley!”

Hayley marched up to the piano, sat down, and began to play and sing a beautiful, slowed-down rendition of “Stand By You” by Rachel Platten.

While she sang, Sméagol and I looked at each other, listening to the lyrics. He reached out his hand, and took hold of mine. Then, he wrapped his other arm around my shoulder, and pulled me close. “Sméagol always stand by you, Precious,” he whispered to me.

“Ditto,” I replied.

Abby smiled.

“Wow!” the KJ said after Hayley finished. “What a voice! Okay, next up is Abby!”

“Oh, shit!” Abby groaned. “I have to follow that?”

“Abby, you’re freaking awesome,” I chuckled.

“Thanks, girl.” Abby stepped up to the mic. Her song was a popular country song, so she did not need anyone to play the accompaniment for her. Instead, she selected it from the song catalog, and the KJ played the backing track from his system. Abby sang “Burning House” by Cam, and wow, she nailed it.

Why didn’t she think she was very good? I wondered to myself. That really makes me sad.

“Bless us, and splash us, Precious,” Sméagol exhaled, “such a beautiful voice Abby has!”

“I know,” I agreed, “but she doesn’t think she’s that good.”

“Why?” Sméagol asked sadly.

“I don’t know, because she’s amazing.”

“That makes Sméagol sad.”

“She doesn’t really have any self confidence,” said Hayley. “She’s been treated like shit her whole life, so she still believes all the horrible things people told her about herself.”

“Awwwww,” Sméagol cried, putting his hand on his heart, “poor Abby. Sméagol’s heart breaks for her.”

Hayley and I smiled sadly. Sméagol’s compassion deeply touched us, but at the same time, we felt the exact same way.

When she finished, we all cheered and applauded loudly for her, because we wanted her to know how amazing she really was.

“Ugh, that sucked,” she said as she sat back down.

“No, it didn’t,” Hayley said sweetly.

“You sounded amazing!” I added.

“Please, you guys always say that,” Abby scoffed. “I sounded like a dying walrus.”

“Abby, Sweetheart, you sang beautifully,” said Hayley.

“You’re just saying that to be nice,” said Abby. “Sméagol, tell me the truth. I sucked, right?”

“No,” Sméagol said sadly, “it sounded so beautiful, Precious.”

“Abby, you know me,” I said. “I don’t lie. I don’t say things to be nice. I don’t suck up to people. When I compliment you, I mean it. I’ve heard people that suck, and you are not one of them. You have an amazing voice, and I wouldn’t have asked you to join the choir if I didn’t think you were good enough.”

Abby smiled. “Thanks, Cheyenne.”

I could tell she still didn’t believe me, but I didn’t try to pick at it.

“Alright,” the KJ announced, “next up, we have the lovely Cheyenne!”

Hayley led me up to the stage, and accompanied me on the piano for a rendition of “Lithium” by Evanescence. For me, the song was about Logan. Logan was my “lithium.” I was torn between letting him go and holding onto him. I was still in love with him, but at the same time, I wanted to move on. Still, the thought of letting him go devastated me.

When Hayley and I came back to the table after finishing the song, Sméagol threw his arms around me, sobbing heavily.

“Awww, you okay, Sméagol?” Hayley asked.

“So beautiful it was,” Sméagol wept as he kissed my cheek. “My precious friend, your voice is… the most beautiful sound Sméagol ever heard.”

“Oh, my God, Sméagol,” I sniffled, “you are so freaking sweet.”

Sméagol smiled sweetly at me. “Awwww, bless you.”

“Alright, y’all!” the KJ announced. “This party’s just gettin’ started! Next up we have Sméagol! Wait, Sméagol?” he said, realizing who’s name he just called. “Well, someone’s a huge Lord of the Rings fan,” he joked.

We all laughed as Hayley and Sméagol headed for the stage. She handed him the mic, and sat down at the piano.

“Wait a minute,” said the KJ, “you really are Sméagol!”

Sméagol smiled awkwardly and nodded.

“Wow, you’re taller than you were in the movies.”

Sméagol laughed softly.

Then, Hayley began to play the accompaniment, and Sméagol sang a beautiful, heartwarming, emotional rendition of “The Blessing” by Celtic Woman. His voice sounded even more beautiful than it did in the shower. It was a sweet, soft, pure voice with so much feeling, so much pain, and yet so much love and joy. As he performed, everyone in the room was completely silent, watching him the whole time with tears pouring from their eyes. Even the KJ shed a few tears. Through it all, however, Sméagol only kept his eyes on me.

When he finished, everyone leaped up, cheering and applauding loudly. He smiled warmly at the crowd, and even blew them a kiss. Then, he and Hayley headed back to the table, where I was sobbing uncontrollably.

Sméagol wrapped his arms around me. “What is it, Precious?” he asked sweetly.

I could barely speak through my sobs. “It was… It was… That was so beautiful.” I managed to finally squeeze in one sentence between sobs and gasps. “Your voice is… You sound like an angel.”

“Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!” Sméagol cried, his eyes filled with tears as he held me tighter. “So sweet you are, Cheyenne. Sméagol sing that song for you, my dear, precious friend. Always you blesses me. So kind you are to me, not judging me, ever. So grateful I am to know you.”

We stayed for a couple more hours, and we each managed to sing two more songs. Everyone clapped and cheered for us, but even more for Sméagol. Gosh, I was worried that people would judge him so harshly. Anyone who is a fan of Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit knows who Gollum is, and they also know who Sméagol is. Unfortunately, a lot of people see him as a villain and a monster. However, nobody at Callahan’s saw him that way. Even if there were people who knew who he was, and yes, there were a few, including the KJ, all they saw was beauty, kindness, and a sweet, innocent, loving soul with the voice of an angel. That night, Sméagol touched so many hearts with his singing, but the heart that was most affected by it was mine. I really felt like, in my darkest time, God had sent me an angel.


	38. Chapter 38

However, the more Sméagol got out, the more places we took him, and unfortunately, there were some judgemental people. Sometimes, at the grocery stores, the mall, and restaurants, we would catch a few people staring at him, whispering to each other about him, and we knew they were saying some not-so-nice things about him. We did the best we could to ignore it, even Sméagol. He was nothing but polite and nice to everyone he met, but some people thought he was still Gollum. Some people thought he was still pining for the ring, and thought he would actually hurt somebody. What these wussbags failed to realize was that the ring was gone, destroyed, and Sméagol was no longer looking for it. Whatever, because we knew that if we tried to tell them that, they wouldn’t listen. It would be a waste of time, so we let them flap their judgemental lips. Really nothing we could do to shut them up, as long as they didn’t actually try to bully, harass, or hurt him.

However, it secretly bothered me. I didn’t say anything to him or Hayley about how I was feeling, but it hurt me that someone as kind and caring as Sméagol was being judged so harshly by ignorant people who obviously didn’t pay attention to his story while watching the movies and reading the books. I guess it also bothered me, because I knew what it was like to be judged unfairly. It hit home for me, especially since nobody stood up for me when it happened. I knew I couldn’t stop people from running their mouths to their idiot friends, but at the very least, I could shoot them a dirty look, which is exactly what I did.

One afternoon, Sméagol and I decided to meet up with Abby for a picnic lunch in the park. We stopped at Subway along the way, and each bought meatball subs, Doritos, cookies, and drinks. We sat at a picnic table near the playground, and watched the kids play while we talked.

“How’s your sandwich, Sméagol?” Abby asked.

“Oh, delicious,” Sméagol replied. “Sméagol loves meatball subses.”

I giggled. “I love the way you talk, Sméagol, the way you say ‘subses’ instead of ‘subs,’ the way you word things, and the way you talk in third person. It’s so cute and… refreshing, you know?”

Abby giggled and nodded in agreement.

Sméagol smiled sweetly.

Just then, I accidentally let out a loud belch. I turned very red from embarrassment. “Excuse me!”

Sméagol and Abby burst out laughing, which made me laugh, too.

“That was awesome!” Abby laughed. “Although, I think you may have frightened the kids.”

Sméagol and I laughed even harder.

“Well, I’m pretty good at traumatizing people,” I joked.

We all lost ourselves in long, loud laughter, until we were greeted by a cute little girl.

“What’s so funny?” she asked.

“Oh, Cheyenne just let out a huge burp,” Abby replied pointing to me.

The little girl laughed. “That’s funny!” Then, she ran back to the swingset.

Sméagol smiled so sweetly at the little girl. “Awwww, so precious she is.”

“Yeah, she’s adorable,” Abby agreed. “I love kids so much. I wanna be a mommy someday.”

“Sméagol wants to gives her lots of hugses and kisses.”

I smiled at Sméagol’s unbelievably kind heart. “She would be the luckiest kid in the world to get hugs and kisses from you.”

“Awwww, Precious.” Sméagol hugged me.

I smiled as I nuzzled up in his embrace.

“You think you might wanna be a daddy someday?” Abby asked Sméagol.

“I don’t knows, Precious,” he replied, “but I do loves children very much.”

“I don’t wanna be a mom,” I said.

“Why, Precious?”

“Because of her disabilities,” said Abby.

“Yeah,” I said. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. Kids are great. I just know what I can and can’t handle, and I can’t handle raising a child. I’d get way too overwhelmed, and I don’t handle stress very well. What’s normal stress for someone or not stressful at all for someone is extremely stressful for me. Plus, I saw first hand how stressed out my mom got when raising me, and she doesn’t have any disabilities. At least she handled it, and somehow, never took it out on me or let it affect her ability to raise me. Me, on the other hand, it would affect, and… I just… I know that wouldn’t be good for my kids. It would put them under stress, too, and it…” I struggled to find the words to explain where I was coming from. “I don’t know. I just know it wouldn’t be fair to them, and I would be miserable.”

“Oh, Sméagol understands,” he said as he stroked my hair. Then, he caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of his eye. “Oh!” he gasped excitedly.

“What is it?” asked Abby/

“Puppy!” Sméagol squealed. “It’s a puppy!” He jumped up from his seat, and ran over to a young woman and her little white pomeranian. “Can Sméagol pet your doggy, please?”

The woman was a bit surprised by Sméagol, but also found it rather charming and cute that a grown man got this excited to pet a dog. She smiled at him. “Of course,” she replied. “Go ahead.

Sméagol knelt down into his usual crouching position, and gently petted and stroked the dog. “Awwww, so precious!” he cried. “So fluffy you are! Yes!”

The dog sniffed Sméagol, and licked his face.

The woman giggled. “Aww, she likes you.”

Sméagol giggled. “What’s her name?”

“Snowball.”

“Awwww, Sméagol like Snowball, too! Yes, he does!” He made little kissy faces and kissing sounds at Snowball. She licked his face again, and nuzzled up in his arms. “Awwwww!” He squealed and giggled sweetly, giving her a big hug. “Sméagol love Snowball so much! Yes, he does, Precious!” Then, he planted a kiss on the top of her head.

“I think she wants to play,” said the woman.

“Oh, alright.” Sméagol got on all fours, and pretended to be a puppy, which made Snowball very excited. She ran and jumped around. Well, as much as she could, seeing as she was on a leesh. Sméagol crawled around, making cute puppy noises, giggling and squealing like an innocent child.

Abby and I watched with delight. It warmed our hearts seeing Sméagol so happy, and connecting with animals. You could tell the ring was no longer affecting him, not even slightly.

“Careful, lady,” said another woman, “this dude might eat your dog.”

Sméagol and the young woman looked up at the other woman, who was a bit older. They were both very confused by her statement.

“What are you talking about?” asked the young woman.

“You don’t know who this guy is?” the older woman snarled.

“He’s just playing with my dog. He’s not hurting her.”

“This is Gollum from Lord of the Rings, lady. You know, that psycho ring junkie?”

“I don’t get what that has anything to do with eating my dog.”

“He ate rabbits.”

Sméagol looked at the older woman, shocked at her statement. “Sméagol would never hurt precious dog.”

“Really? Because, it looked like you were about to devour her.” Then, she caught a glimpse of the younger woman’s finger. “By the way, you might wanna hide that ring from him. He might try to bite your finger off.”

“What is your problem, lady?” the younger woman snapped. “He’s not hurting anything.”

“This dude killed his cousin to get a fuckin’ ring. Then, someone took it from him, and then, he tried to kill more innocent people just to get the fuckin’ thing back. He bit off Frodo’s finger, so he could have it back. You don’t see a problem with a guy like that playing with your dog?”

Sméagol’s confusion turned to hurt and shame as he stood back up. “I… I did do all those things,” he said, almost in tears. “I’m sorry. Sméagol leave now.”

“Good!” the older woman barked. “Why don’t you go jump in the fuckin’ lava where you belong?!”

“Why don’t you just go fuck yourself?!” the younger woman shouted. “Mind your own god damn business, you fucking bitch!”

Sméagol walked past our table without even looking at us, and walked out of the park by himself.

“Sméagol!” I called after him, but he didn’t turn back around.

“What is wrong with you, lady?!” Abby shouted.

The older woman turned around, and approached us. “Why are you hanging with a psycho murderer?” she snarled.

That does it! I thought. I can no longer keep my mouth shut. After weeks of people judging him, I need to say something now. I stood up, and looked the woman directly in the eye, which is not something I do very often at all. “He’s not a psycho murderer!” I snapped. “He’s not any of those horrible things you said! He is the sweetest, kindest, most loving person I have ever met! You clearly didn’t pay any attention to the movies, because if you did, you would know that none of his actions were his fault! He had no control over his life! It was all because of the ring! Gosh, he wasn’t even doing anything wrong! All he wanted was to play with that lady’s puppy, and you had to ruin that for him! You know, it’s people like you that are the reason why I wanted to kill myself so many times, judgemental, holier than thou, ignorant people like you! And, don’t even try to defend yourself by saying you were just trying to help! You weren’t trying to help anyone. You were being a bully! So, who’s the real psycho here? Definitely not Sméagol!” I looked even deeper into her eyes with so much anger and rage in mine. “You should be ashamed of yourself.”

Abby and I gathered up our trash.

“Maybe you should jump into a pit of lava instead,” Abby snarled.

As we turned to leave, the little girl from before approached the older woman. “You’re a mean lady,” she said. “I’m glad you’re not my mommy.”


	39. Chapter 39

“Let me know if you need anything,” Abby said, dropping me off at my house.

“Okay,” I said sadly. “Thanks.

“I hope he’s okay.”

“Me, too.” I got out of the car, and hurried inside. “Sméagol!” I called.

No answer.

“Sméagol?!”

Still no answer.

“Now, I was really worried. I sprinted up the stairs, and prayed that Sméagol was in his room. I opened the door, and heaved a sigh of relief when I saw him sitting up in his bed. He was hunched forward with his face in his hands. I slowly approached him. “Hey,” I said.

“Oh, hi, Precious,” he said glumly.

“Can I sit with you?”

“Of course.” He scooted over a bit to make room for me.

I sat next to him, and looked at him with tears in my eyes. “Sméagol? I’m… I’m really sorry about what happened in the park.”

“It’s alright, Precious. That lady is right. Sméagol was horrible to nice hobbitses.”

“She wasn’t right. She clearly didn’t pay any attention to your story. She has no clue what you went through. None of the stuff that happened was your fault. It was all Sauron’s fault. He’s the sick fuck who created the ring, and the ring took immediate power over you. You didn’t have a choice. As soon as it was fished out of the river, it took hold of you right away, and it wouldn’t let go until it was destroyed. Sméagol…” I scooted closer to him. “I really believe that, if you had a choice, you would’ve taken the ring from Frodo, and thrown it into the fire yourself.

“I never would’ve taken it from Déagol, not the way I did, Precious,” Sméagol sniffled.

“I know you wouldn’t, because you’re a good, caring, loving person. Everything that happened was all on Sauron, not you, and now, Sauron is gone forever. You’re free now.”

“No, Sméagol is not free. Everyone still thinks Sméagol is a murderer.”

“Yeah, because they’re stupid, ignorant fucks, and by the way, after you left, I tore that woman a new asshole.”

Sméagol looked at me, surprised. “It stood up for Sméagol?”

“Of course, I did. Sméagol, when I was being bullied in school, nobody stood up for me. People just watched, and even sided with the bullies.” I began to cry. “It hurt so bad, because it felt like I deserved everything that was happening to me. When I saw it happen to you, it killed me, and I couldn’t be a bystander. I had to speak up, and I did. I spoke up for you, because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, ever. You are the sweetest, nicest, kindest, most amazing guy I have ever, ever met, and to see anything bad happening to you, it really hurts me.”

“Awwww, my precious.” Sméagol put his arm around me. “You really cares about me, doesn’t you?”

“Big time.”

Sméagol played with my hair. “Bless you.” He kissed my forehead. “Bless you, my beautiful friend.”


	40. Chapter 40

That night, while Hayley and I were sleeping, Sméagol quietly crept downstairs, and tiptoed into the living room. He found the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit movies, and carried them back upstairs to his room. He popped An Unexpected Journey into his DVD player, and fast forwarded to his part in the movie, where Bilbo Baggins wandered into the cave. As he watched the interaction between him and Bilbo, his heart sank. “Oh, poor Bagginses,” he said to himself. “We frightened him.” He placed his hand on his heart. “Now, I understands why he took the Precious.” He paused the video, and looked at poor Bilbo’s frightened face. “Awww, he’s not a nasty hobbit. He’s good.” Then, he watched the Lord of the Rings movies, and his heart sank even more when he saw the part where he attacked Sam. “Don’t take it off us,” he whispered to himself, referring to the rope Sam had tied him up with.

As he continued watching, he began to truly understand why Sam was so hostile toward him. Sam was only trying to protect Frodo. Frodo was his best friend, and even just the thought of anything happening to him destroyed Sam. Sméagol remembered when I told him earlier that it hurt me seeing him getting hurt. He felt the same about me. That was one reason. The other? Sam was scared of him, because of his addiction to the ring.

He became very sad when he watched The Forbidden Pool scene, not for himself, but for Frodo. “Poor Master,” he sniffled. “He did not betray us.” He understood that the rangers wanted to kill him for being in their hiding place, but saw that Frodo actually pleaded for his life. He even told the rangers not to hurt him, but they didn’t listen. He watched himself get beaten nearly senseless, but felt no anger or resentment towards Frodo, Sam, or even Faramir and his rangers, only towards Gollum and the ring.

He felt even more resentment towards Gollum when he watched himself make a plan with him to kill the hobbits to get the ring back. “What was Sméagol thinking?” he asked himself. “Poor hobbitses did not betray us. They did not deserves to die.”

At the very beginning of Return of the King was the scene with him and Déagol. “Déagol,” he whispered sadly as he watched him fish out the ring. Then, he watched himself strangling poor Déagol to death to take the ring for himself. He remembered everything that happened after, how he used the ring to turn himself invisible to steal from his loved ones, how his grandmother kicked him out of his home, and how his entire family and all his friends turned on him. He remembered becoming increasingly intolerant to sunlight, moonlight, and hobbit food, driving him into a dark cave in the Misty Mountain.

Watching himself put his plan into action tore him up even more, especially seeing Frodo struggling with the burden of the ring, and Sam always being there to lift his spirits again while trying to protect him from Gollum.

The things he said to try and cover up his plan cut him deeper than a knife. “Why did it do this to nice hobbitses?” Then came the scene where he threw the lembas bread over the ledge, and blamed it on Sam, trying once again to convince Frodo that Sam wanted the ring for himself. When Sam broke down sobbing after Frodo told him to go home, Sméagol broke down sobbing, too. “What have I done?” Then, he watched Shelob bite Frodo, Frodo fall unconscious, and nearly dying. It was all too much for Sméagol to take, but he kept watching. He wanted to fully understand the error of his ways, and why people hated him so much.

Soon, Sméagol was watching the dreaded Mount Doom scene where Gollum hit Sam in the back with a stone, and nearly choked Frodo to death, telling Frodo that Sméagol’s promise was all a lie. “It wasn’t a lie,” Sméagol mumbled angrily. “It wasn’t a lie, you bastard. Sméagol wanted to help nice hobbitses.” Then, he watched as the ring finally took power over Frodo, forcing him to claim it as his own. “No, Master,” he said sadly. His heart shattered when he saw Gollum bite off Frodo’s finger to get it back, and completely lost himself in an ocean of sobs and tears as he watched himself plummeting into the lava.

After he finished watching the movies, he put them all back in their boxes, and carried them back downstairs, putting them exactly where he found them. He went back to his room, closed the door, and crawled into bed, sobbing his poor heart out.

“I understands now,” he said softly. “Nice hobbitses did not betray me. Bagginses was not a nasty hobbit. Only trying to survive, he was… or we would’ve eaten him. Why did we even think to do such a thing to poor Bagginses?” Tears continued falling as he talked it all through. “Sam was not a horrid, fat hobbit. He was kind, only trying to protect Master. He hates Sméagol… because Sméagol tried to kill them both… all for a stupid ring.” He hid his face in his hands, sobbing quietly. “Sméagol forgives precious hobbitses. No, nothing there was to forgive. Hobbitses did nothing wrong. It was all Sméagol’s fault. Why did I listen to Gollum? Why did I hurts precious hobbitses?” His sobbing deepened. “Sméagol never forgive himself, never.” He tried to regain his composure, and folded his hands in prayer. “But, Sméagol try to be good to everyone now, help everyone he can, be as kind as he can to people. Sméagol doesn’t wants reward from it. Only wants people to be happy… and feel loved.” He began to cry again. “Sméagol do it for Déagol.” He put his hands on his heart again, sobbing heavily. “Oh, Déagol, I’m so sorry, my precious friend. Sméagol still loves you so, so much.” He looked out his window, and noticed the sky lighting up. It was morning, but he was far too tired to get out of bed. He curled up in his dark green onesie, and cried himself to sleep.


	41. Chapter 41

In the meantime, I was struggling, too. I was still not over Logan. During the day, I was okay, because I was spending so much time with Sméagol. However, every night, when I closed my bedroom door, I would pray not to have more dreams about him. Every now and then, my prayers worked, and I would have normal dreams, but a lot of times, I still had the same dreams of him, where one minute, he was sweet-talking me, and the next, breaking up with me and making out with his new girlfriend as if I never existed to him. I would often have dreams about special times in our relationship, like the time we went to see Celtic Woman with Hayley and Abby. Other times, I would have dreams where he would confess to me the “real reason” he broke up with me, which was different every time. Once, it was because I didn’t want kids. Another time, it was because I was too disabled for him, and that I was a burden to him. Of course, that probably stemmed from hearing so many others say the same things to me.

During the night, I would often wake up in tears, knowing that I would continue seeing his face the minute I closed my eyes again. It was all too much for me to handle, but I couldn’t tell Hayley. I didn’t want her to know, because I didn’t want to burden her with another one of my stupid problems. At the same time, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I needed someone to talk to. I guess the other reason why I never told anybody was because I was hoping it would go away on its own. The dreams would eventually die down, until they stopped completely. Unfortunately, that was not the case. It was mid July, and the dreams were still tormenting me.

One night, I woke up from yet another dream, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I got out of bed, and went to the bathroom while I let myself wake up. I sat on the toilet for a moment, debating if I should wake Sméagol up just to tell him I miss my ex-boyfriend. It seemed so silly and stupid, but I couldn’t handle it alone anymore. I needed a friend. I finished up, flushed the toilet, and washed my hands. I opened the bathroom door, and tiptoed into the hallway. I crept quietly towards Sméagol’s bedroom door, very hesitant to knock. Then, I heard him crying, and my heart sank to the pit of my stomach. He was having his own nightmares. There was no way I could tell him what was going on with me. He was dealing with enough pain as it was.

Tears fell from my eyes as I slowly and quietly made my way downstairs. I tiptoed into the music room, and closed the door. I knew that nobody could hear me playing if the door was closed. I once asked Hayley about it, and she said she couldn’t hear anything if the music room door and her bedroom door were both closed. So, I turned on the lights, and sat at my piano. I tried hard to think of lyrics and a melody to write, but nothing was coming. I was hoping that writing a song about my feelings would help me get over him, but how could I write a song about it if my mind was blocked? I suddenly remembered the song I wrote for him, the song I planned to play for him the night he broke up with me. I began to play and sing the song, and almost immediately, I was greeted with an ocean of tears. I fought through them as I continued to play and sing the song. When I finished, all the tears came pouring out, along with inspiration for the song I wanted to write. So, I began to write the lyrics, and came up with a melody and music I was proud of. I tweaked a few things here and there, until I was finally satisfied with it. I recorded a rough audio file for reference, and played through one more time to make sure it was what I wanted. It was, so I headed back upstairs. I went to the bathroom one last time before going back to bed.

One of my negative sensory issues is the horrible feeling of having to urinate, even a little. I can’t stand how it feels, especially when I want to sleep, so every time I go to bed or back to bed, I use the bathroom to make sure my bladder is empty. Okay, lesson over. Now, back to the story.

Unfortunately, I still had the same horrible nightmares about Logan. Shit! I thought. Why am I still dreaming of him?! Why does his face still haunt me?! At this point, I couldn’t take anymore.


	42. Chapter 42

That afternoon, Abby came over for lunch, and I spilled my guts to her. I told her all about the nightmares, and how I was really feeling.

“Do Hayley and Sméagol know about this?” she asked.

“No,” I replied. “I don’t wanna tell Hayley. I already feel like I’m a burden to her. I don’t wanna unload another one of my stupid problems on her.”

“What about Sméagol?”

“I was gonna tell him last night… until I heard him crying in his room. I guess he’s having his own nightmares. I didn’t wanna make things harder on him.”

“Is he still upset about what happened in the park a few weeks ago?”

“I don’t think it’s really that. I think it brought up a lot of things for him, a lot of memories.”

“It triggered him.”

“Exactly. He’s his sweet, happy, cheerful self during the day, but I guess, at night, he’s struggling just like me.”

“Well, I mean, you don’t feel like he’s making things harder on you when he talks to you about it, do you?”

“No.”

“Then, I don’t think it’ll be a problem if you talk to him about your problem.”

“I don’t know, because his pain is way worse than mine, way worse. I don’t think I could ever tell him what I’m dealing with, not right now.”

“And, maybe it’ll go away soon.”

“That’s what I thought, but it’s been three fucking months, and I’m still being tormented by this heartbreak. I even tried to write a song this morning, hoping it would help. I wrote the song, got all my feelings out on paper, but it didn’t do anything.”

“Maybe you should try deleting Logan off your friends list.”

I sighed heavily. “I… I don’t think I can.” I knew she was right, but something was still stopping me. The thought of cutting him out of my life completely still devastated me. “I know I should,” I said, “but… I feel like… as long as he’s still on my friends list on Facebook, he’s not completely gone. If I delete him, he’s gone forever… and I don’t know if my heart can take that right now. I still miss him. I still love him. I know he’s never coming back, but… I can’t get over these stupid feelings for him. He was in my life for so long, and we’ve been through so much together. Then, it ended so suddenly, so out of the blue. It completely jolted me. Now, he’s with another girl after telling me he’s not ready for a relationship. None of it makes any sense. I have no answers, and it was too fast. It happened way too fast, the ending… and after. I know I should just cut him off. I just… can’t… not yet anyway.”


	43. Chapter 43

The next day, I had a singing gig at a nursing home, my first one in a while. It wasn’t easy to get nursing home gigs anymore. However, this time, I planned to give Sméagol the spotlight for a couple songs, as well as sing a few duets with him.

I dressed in a pink, red, yellow, and white flowery dress. Sméagol dressed in a sky blue shirt and gray pants. I packed my laptop and speakers into a small carry-on bag, and the two of us headed out the door. The reason I took my laptop with me was because I had a playlist in iTunes, containing the karaoke tracks for songs I sing. No, I don’t sing the same songs over and over. I always change things up. My song choices often included Irish folk ballads, Celtic Woman covers, Broadway showtunes, and some originals as well.

The nursing home was within walking distance, and it was a nursing home I had visited several times. I knew the way, but I felt much better walking there with Sméagol, rather than walking there alone. Why would I be walking there alone before? Well, some of my gigs were scheduled while Hayley was still at work. That’s one reason why it’s hard to get gigs now, because this particular nursing home was the only one close enough for me to walk to alone. Every now and then, I would get gigs at other homes that Hayley would have to drive me to, but she could only do that if the gigs were scheduled at lunchtime, on the days when she got off early, or days when she did not have to work at all. The other reason? This nursing home, for some reason, doesn’t call me to come in as often anymore. I’m lucky if I can get a gig every three or four months. However, when I do get a gig, I get paid very well.

When we arrived, the activities director, Diane, led us to the parlor, where we would be performing. I set up my laptop and speakers, and made sure everything worked while Diane gathered as many residents as possible.

Soon, the parlor was filled with a decent sized audience, and it was finally time to start. For the first half hour, I sang a combination of my favorite Irish folk ballads, older pop ballads, and Broadway showtunes. Then, it was time to bring Sméagol up to perform with me.

“Okay, guys,” I said, “I have a very special guest who’ll be doing the rest of the show with me. He has probably the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard.”

“You have the most beautiful voice we’ve ever heard,” said one of the residents.

I blushed and smiled. “Thank you. But, seriously, wait ‘til you hear him. He’s incredible. Every time I hear him sing, I immediately burst into tears, so you guys might wanna have some tissues handy.”

Everyone laughed softly as Sméagol smiled sweetly at me.

“Please welcome my amazing friend, Sméagol Stoor.”

Everyone clapped as Sméagol came up to join me in our first duet––our own arrangement of ”Something to Believe In” from Newsies. Since Sméagol and I both sing soprano, I made a few adjustments to the song. In the original arrangement, there were many key changes. I cut them all out, and we stayed on the same key, until the last chorus when we went up only a half step. Oh, there was also a spoken part in the original song. We cut that out, too. I personally hate doing spoken parts of songs. It’s way too awkward, especially when some people may not know the show the song is from.

When we finished the song, we both noticed many people were already crying. Yep, I thought to myself. Sméagol’s voice has that effect on people.

Our next duet was “Endless Love” by Lionel Richie and Diana Ross. Again, we made a few changes, this time to the harmonies.

Then, it was time for me to give Sméagol the spotlight. He sang four of his favorite songs, which included “Angel” by Sarah McLachlan, Celtic Woman’s beautiful rendition of “Ae Fond Kiss,” originally written by an incredible Scottish poet, Robert Burns, and “The Blessing” by Celtic Woman.

Then, his last song was a devastatingly beautiful cover of “Hurt by Johnny Cash, originally by 9 Inch Nails. Sméagol’s cover, however, sounded more like an Evanescence ballad with only the piano and synth and a very haunting tone. As he sang, everyone could feel his pain. The guilt, hurt, unbearable remorse, and self hatred was written all over his face, and heard so clearly in his hauntingly beautiful, angelic voice. In the first chorus, when he sang the lines, “What have I become, my sweetest friend,” I knew he was singing about Déagol. The line, “Everyone I know goes away in the end,” was about his family and friends turning on him. “I will let you down. I will make you hurt.” That was about Sam and Frodo. When he sang the chorus again, his voice began to break a little, until the very last part. “If I could start again, a million miles away, I will keep myself. I would find a way.” If he could start all over again, he would’ve done things differently, done better. In that last part, tears came pouring from his eyes, but even through his sobs, he still sang it so beautifully and on key. Everyone, including myself and Diane, was reduced to tears.

I tried to regain my composure as I rejoined him for our last song, “For Good” from the musical Wicked. As we sang together, we both began to tear up again, for this song, to both of us, represented our friendship so perfectly. He had changed my life for good, that’s for sure, and he told me many times that I had changed his. I don’t know if I changed his life for the better, but he had changed mine for the better. During the last chorus, I reached out my hand. He took hold of it, and held it tightly, as if to say he wasn’t going anywhere, that he was there for me forever. His hand was so big and so warm. I felt an overwhelming sense of comfort and peace of mind. As we finished the song, he wrapped me in a warm, tight embrace as everyone cheered and applauded loudly. Maybe they were cheering for both of us, but I like to think they were cheering more for Sméagol.


	44. Chapter 44

As I was putting my computer and speakers away, I listened to the conversation between Diane and Sméagol.

“Sméagol,” she said, placing her hand on his shoulder, “you have the most beautiful voice I have ever heard. I saw you in the Lord of the Rings movies, but I did not know you could actually sing.”

Sméagol’s jaw dropped in shame. “You saw me, too?”

“I did.”

“So… you knows what I did?”

“No. I saw what that dang ring did to you, what it made you do.”

“You’re a good man, Sméagol,” said one of the residents as she approached Sméagol, joining in on the conversation.

Sméagol turned to the elderly woman.

“I’m Ellis, by the way.”

“Ellis,” Sméagol replied with a sweet smile. “Such a lovely name it is, Precious.”

“Thank you, Honey.”

“And, so beautiful you are, Ellis.”

Ellis smiled. “And, so are you, Sméagol. Lord of the Rings is one of my all-time favorite movie trilogies. I watched it all the time with my husband and grandchildren.”

“My son got me into the movies,” added Diane, “and you were one of my favorite characters. I felt so bad for you. I wanted to reach through the screen, and give you a big hug.”

Sméagol smiled sweetly at Diane and Ellis.

“I knew you wasn’t a bad guy,” said an elderly gentleman, approaching the threesome. “Now, that Gollum feller, I ain’t so sure about. He was a real piece of work.”

I shook my head, as I disagreed with that statement, but I didn’t say anything.

Sméagol laughed softly. “He was, yes. Made Sméagol miserable, he did.”

“I’m so sorry, Sweetheart,” Diane said sadly, “but at least you’re free of him now.”

“And, free of that butt ugly ring,” added the man.

I laughed to myself. I completely agree with that statement. The ring was so ugly in my opinion.

Sméagol giggled.

“It broke my heart so much when you fell off that cliff,” said Ellis. “I was hoping you’d get a second chance, ‘cause you deserved better. Now, you have. I don’t know how you did, or how you got here, but I thank God you are. You touched my heart with your beautiful singing.” She placed her hand on her heart. “I was crying when you sang that Johnny Cash song.”

“Oh, I did, too,” added Diane. “I knew why you were singin’ it.”

Tears began to form in Sméagol’s eyes.

“Awww, you miss Déagol, don’t you?”

Sméagol nodded. “More than miss him. Sméagol feels unbearable guilt. Sméagol never forgive himself.”

“Oh, Sweetie.” Ellis hugged him. “You didn’t do anything to him.”

“No, Sweetie,” said Diane, “you are not responsible for his death.”

“It was all that butt ugly ring,” added the man.

Sméagol, Ellis, and Diane laughed.

“God forgave you a long time ago, son. Now, you need to forgive yourself.”

“God?” Sméagol inquired.

“Eru,” said Diane. “God is our version of Eru.”

“Listen,” said the man, reaching in his pocket, and handing Sméagol a small card, “every Sunday morning, I go to Greenflower Fellowship Church. If you’re interested in learning about God and Jesus Christ, the service starts at eleven, and after, I want you to talk to Pastor Derek. Tell him Mike sent you.”

Sméagol smiled. “Thank you.”

I sat on a nearby sofa with my computer bag next to me, watching Sméagol mingle with the residents. They all told him how much they enjoyed his performance, how much his beautiful singing touched them, and what a wonderful person he truly was, despite what the ring made him do. It blew my mind how many Lord of the Rings fans there were in the nursing home, but all of them said the same things to him. None of what happened was his fault. They understood he had little to no control over his actions, even after he lost the ring, and he was a good, kind-hearted, caring, innocent man with the voice, soul, and heart of an angel. They told him that he did not deserve any of the horrible things he had to endure, and they were happy that he got his second chance. They told him how grateful they were to have him perform with me, and that the two of us make a great team. Everyone agreed that he should come back often to perform. Then, Diane wrote both of us separate checks, both for $100. I completely agreed that he should sing there more often, and even suggested that he have his own solo shows, too.

Before we left, Sméagol gave everyone big hugs, and thanked them for their kindness and love. Then, I picked up my computer bag, and we headed out the door together.


	45. Chapter 45

So, that Sunday, Hayley, Sméagol, and I went to Greenflower Fellowship Church together. We sat in the front row, so I could see better. As the Greenflower Worship Band performed a few worship songs to open the service, Sméagol found himself growing more and more curious about Jesus Christ, who he was, and what he did.

The topic for this particular service was forgiveness. Pastor Derek spoke of sin, how we are all sinners, and that God forgives our sins. He spoke of repentance, accepting responsibility for our actions, and forgiving each other, as well as ourselves. He spoke of Jesus Christ, and how he died on the cross to pay for our sins.

The whole time, Sméagol’s eyes and ears were glued to Pastor Derek, taking in every word. Pastor Derek read a few verses from the Bible, and Sméagol’s eyes filled with tears, thinking of Sam, Frodo, Bilbo, Déagol, and his whole family. He forgave Bilbo for taking the ring, forgave Faramir and his rangers for beating him and threatening his life, and he even forgave his family and friends for turning on him. Still, he could not forgive himself for his actions. The guilt still ate him up inside, and he could not seem to escape it. He wondered if Déagol hated him for killing him, if he was in a better place, and if he was happy. He wondered if his family still hated him, his friends, and everyone he hurt. He felt that it was right for them to hate him, and that he did not deserve their forgiveness. Even if God forgave him, he felt very undeserving of it.

Then, as Pastor Derek closed his sermon, he asked everyone to bow their heads in prayer.

“Father, we thank you for your blessings,” he said. “We understand that we have sinned, but we know that you forgive us. Please help us to forgive those who have done us wrong, who have hurt us, betrayed us, mistreated us, and Father, we ask that you help us to forgive ourselves for our wrong-doing. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.”

“Amen,” we all said.

Sméagol suddenly broke down sobbing as the band performed their closing number.

Hayley pulled him into a big hug. “Shhh,” she said, gently caressing his backside. “It’s okay, Sweetheart. It’s okay.”


	46. Chapter 46

After the service, we met up with Pastor Derek in the back of the church. He immediately knew who Sméagol was, as he was also a Lord of the Rings fan, so he already knew his story.

Sméagol told him about his struggles with his remorse, shame, and self hatred.

“Sméagol,” said Pastor Derek, “you have to understand how strong the ring’s force was. It took immediate power over you the moment Déagol fished it from the river. It took immediate power over both of you.”

“Yeah,” Hayley agreed, “remember how it made Déagol try to strangle you, too?”

“And, the immediate power it took on Frodo when he tried to throw it in the lava,” I added. “It sucked him in, and forced him to put it on.”

“We are all sinners,” said Pastor Derek, “but your actions under the One Ring’s power are not your sins, nor are they Déagol’s, and nor are they Frodo’s. They are Sauron’s sins. You had no choice, nor did you know how to fight against the ring’s power. Nobody knew how to fight against it.”

“It would take someone who’s somehow immune to it to take it from you or Frodo or Déagol,” I said, “and throw it into the fire themselves by choice. Otherwise, there was no way it could’ve been destroyed, unless it was by accident… or maybe if you had an army of people helping you.”

“The ring was a heavy burden forced upon you by its creator,” said Pastor Derek. “You are not responsible for his actions. He murdered Déagol. He pitted Frodo and Sam against each other, and he took Frodo’s finger and his free will. It took away your free will, as well as Isildur’s.”

“And, his life,” I added. “He used the ring to protect himself from the orcs, but the ring betrayed him. So.. the orcs killed him.”

Sméagol brushed back tears. “But… how does Sméagol let go of guilt?”

“Turn to God,” said Pastor Derek. “Pray. Ask him for guidance. Ask him to help you find the strength and courage to forgive yourself. You’ve already forgiven those who wronged you.”

“Not all of them,” said Sméagol. “Still cannot forgives Gollum or Sauron… or the orcses and elveses that hurts me… but I wants to. Very much I wants to, but I don’t know how.”

“Again, go to God. He understands. He knows your pain, and he will heal you.”

“How does Sméagol turn to God?”

“Just talk to him. He’s always there. Everywhere you go, he’s there. Talk to him as if you were talking to a good friend, because that’s what he is, a true friend to us all. He wants you to turn to him. He loves you, and he will listen.”

“He loves us all, Sméagol,” said Hayley, “even when we screw up, even when we treat each other like garbage, even when we hold onto anger and guilt and resentment. It makes him sad when we do these things, but he always forgives us. He’s always there, always, and he never stops loving us. He knows what happened to you, what the ring did to you, and he knows it’s not your fault.”

“But… what about my family?” Sméagol sniffled. “All my friends? What about Déagol?” he wept. “Does they still hates Sméagol?”

“No,” Hayley said, putting her hand on Sméagol’s shoulder. “No, Sweetie. They understand now, and they all love you very much.” She wrapped her arm around him. “Very, very much, and they are watching you from above. I think that they are very proud of you, because you overcame the ring. You showed your true colors, a truly good man. You’ve touched people with your musical gift and your kindness. You were never an evil being, never, and if you had a choice, if you knew how to resist the ring, you would’ve done things differently. If it were all up to you, you would’ve done the right thing. Your family, they understand that now, because they watched you struggle. They watched you suffer, and they watched you come out on top. And… I know that, if they were given a second chance, if they were given the opportunity to go back to when it all started, they wouldn’t have turned on you. They would’ve helped you.” She held him closer. “They don’t hate you, Sweetheart. They love you, just like we do.”

“And… God loves Sméagol?”

“More than you will ever know.”

That night, Sméagol stayed up for a little while, reading about Jesus Christ, his birth, his life, his death on the Cross, his resurrection, and the Holy Spirit. He was truly touched by his story and his unconditional love. As Sméagol lay down to rest, he said a little prayer to God.

“Please help Sméagol,” he wept softly. “Please.”

Then, he closed his eyes, and drifted off to sleep.


	47. Chapter 47

Meanwhile, I, once again, was struggling to fall asleep, so I decided to do some work on my computer. The other day, at my nursing home gig, Diane was kind enough to film some of the show, including Sméagol’s performance of “Hurt.” I loaded the video onto my computer, made the necessary edits, and uploaded it to my YouTube channel.

In the morning, I logged back on to see if anyone saw the video. I was taken aback when I saw that it already had over a thousand views. As I read through the comments, it almost felt as if someone had wrapped a soft, warm, fluffy sweater around my heart.

“OMG he’s real!” read one comment. “My life is complete!”

“Wow, Sméagol’s actually an amazing singer!” another comment read. “His voice is so beautiful and pure and sweet! Holy shit, I can’t believe he’s actually real! Well, I’m glad he got the second chance he deserved, even if it’s not in Middle Earth.”

“Whoa! Okay, I am speechless! First of all, I can’t believe Sméagol is actually real… and alive! Second, wow, what an amazing voice he has! This was one of the best covers of this song I have ever heard! Lastly, I could feel his pain just by listening to him sing. Even without seeing the look on his face, I can tell he’s still hurting. This made me cry so hard.”

“Wow, okay, this was just… beautiful! I can’t stop crying. I’m having a hard time seeing what I’m typing. Sméagol’s voice is so beautiful, and the emotion he conveys in this cover is powerful. Cheyenne, thank you so much for sharing this. I am truly touched, and Sméagol, if you read these comments, you really need to have your own channel. I would so subscribe!”

As I finished reading the rest of the comments, I felt a few tears form. I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of positive feedback Sméagol was receiving from people.

Just as I finished reading the comments, Sméagol knocked on my bedroom door. “Come in!” I answered.

Sméagol opened the door, and sauntered in. “Good morning, my precious friend,” he said cheerfully.

“Hey, Sméagol.”

“What’s it doing?”

“Can you come over here for a sec?”

“Of course.” Sméagol pulled up a second chair, and sat next to me.

“So, um… I hope you don’t mind, but… Diane got some of your performance at the nursing home on video. I put it on my YouTube channel, and… well, look at these comments you got.”

Sméagol read the comments to himself, and his eyes filled with tears. “They likes me?”

“More than that,” I said. “They love you, and they think you should have your own YouTube channel, and I agree with them. I think more people around the world should see what an amazing singer you are.” I smiled at him. “And, what an amazing person you are, too. That is… if you’re interested. You know, if you want to.”

Sméagol smiled brightly. “Oh, yes, I would love to! But… how do I do it, Precious?”

“Oh, I’ll show you.”

So, I showed Sméagol how I made my videos, how I recorded the songs, edited and mixed them, and how I edited the videos. I showed him how to use YouTube, and how to upload videos. I helped him to set up his own channel, as well as other social media pages, where he could promote his videos and connect with his followers. Even though it was a lot of information, Sméagol picked up on it very quickly, and became an expert at it in no time. He recorded and mixed his first cover, filmed and edited a video to go with it, and posted it to his new channel. His very first video on YouTube was his gorgeous cover of “The Blessing” by Celtic Woman.

That night, after he went to bed, I posted his video on my Facebook page, on my Twitter, and recorded a shoutout video on my channel, linking my subscribers to his channel. Then, I tweeted his video to some of the current and former members of Celtic Woman, hoping they would respond.

The next morning, Sméagol and I both logged onto his YouTube, and were blown away at the amount of support and positive feedback from people. He had already gained a hundred subscribers, as well as received a boatload of heartwarming comments.

“Wow, Sméagol,” one comment read, “you’re actually really good! Please post more covers!”

“Holy shit, Sméagol!” another read. “I am crying like a baby! Your voice is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing your gift with this world.”

“Sméagol, I am one of the biggest fans of Celtic Woman, and you did Lisa Kelly justice. I’m also a huge Lord of the Rings fan. You were one of my favorite characters, and now that I’ve heard you sing for real, I’m an even bigger fan of yours.”

“I’m so glad you got your second chance, and it looks like you’re making really good use of it. Great cover! Awesome voice!”

“Thanks, Sméagol. I was having a really bad day, but this really cheered me up. Beautiful voice.”

“Sméagol, I just want you to know how much this touched me. I’ve been going through a really tough time. I just found out my mom has cancer, and only has six months left to live. On top of that, I caught my husband cheating on me with my best friend, and I just lost my job. My life has been falling apart, and it feels like I did something to deserve all the bad shit that’s been happening to me. Your beautiful singing really lifted my spirits. I know you’ve been through a lot, too, worse than what I’m going through. I saw you in the movies, and my heart broke for you. Still, you kept going, even though things got really tough. That’s what motivates me to keep going. I’m so glad you got a second chance, and that you’re here with us now. You are a strong person, and you have the voice of an angel. Thank you for sharing your precious gift with this world. Now, whenever things get tough for me, I’m going to listen to your beautiful singing. God bless you, Sméagol. Love, Teresa.”

“Awwwwww!” Sméagol cried. “Bless her heart. Sméagol wish he could hugs her so tight.”

I smiled at him. “You make a difference in people’s lives, more people than you think. Oh! Let me check something.” I went over to Twitter. “Oh, my gosh! Sméagol! Lisa Kelly tweeted out your video!” Lisa Kelly is a former member of Celtic Woman, and she is the one who sang “The Blessing.”

Sméagol’s eyes lit up. “Lisa Kelly?!”

“Yep, she loved your cover. She said it was so beautiful.”

“Bless us, and splash us, Precious! But… how did…” He looked over at me. “You sendsed it to her?”

I nodded.

“Oh, my precious!” Sméagol hugged me. “So happy you make Sméagol!”

“Well, you make people happy with your singing. I felt like more people deserved to hear it, too, and I’m glad they did. You made them happy, too, like that one girl, Teresa. Your singing made her feel loved, made her feel like everything would be okay again. And, last week, at the nursing home, you made all those people feel so happy when you sang for them.”

Sméagol was trying to process what I was telling him, but couldn’t seem to understand how he made anyone happy. “Sméagol… does not understand why he makes people happy, Precious.”

“Sméagol, music is so therapeutic and healing. Like, every time I’m feeling down, I listen to Celtic Woman. They make me feel good again. Their voices are so beautiful and warm and full of love. Their music is uplifting, and even when they sing sad songs, they still make you feel hopeful. It’s like they understand your pain, and you feel so much less alone. It’s almost like they’re your best friends, even though they don’t know you, but you’re connected through music. And, even though you don’t know who everyone at the nursing home is, you connected with them through your music. They could feel your pain, and they could relate to you. They felt like they had a best friend. And, those people don’t even feel like they have a reason to live anymore.”

A sad expression appeared in Sméagol’s eyes. “But… why?”

“They live in that nursing home, because their families can’t take care of them anymore. Some of them, their families just dumped them there, and forgot about them. Now, they’re just sitting around, waiting to die, because they don’t feel like they have a reason to wake up anymore.”

Tears came pouring out of Sméagol’s eyes.

“But, Sméagol, that day… that day, you were their reason for getting up. You gave them a reason to hold on. They want you to keep coming back to sing for them, tell your story, connect with them, let them know they’re not alone. They need that. You did that same thing for Teresa, too. You made a big difference in these people’s lives, just by singing, because they could hear the love and warmth and kindness in your voice. They could see it written all over your face. They could feel your pain and your joy and your love. That gift people said you have, that’s what it is. Your ability to reach and touch people’s hearts and their lives through your amazing singing.”

Sméagol, still crying, gave me a big hug. He didn’t know what else to say, but his hug and his tears said everything.

That night, as he zipped himself up in a purple onesie, he thought about his performance at the nursing home. He remembered seeing the reactions of the residents he sang for. He remembered seeing so much sadness, hopelessness, and emptiness in their eyes, things he remembered feeling for centuries due to the power of the One Ring. When he sang for them, however, he saw their faces light up with smiles and joy and their eyes filling with tears. Knowing that he was actually responsible for lifting their spirits was all too much for him to process, and it brought him overwhelming joy. Knowing that he made a positive difference in people’s lives just by being kind and sharing his music with the world, he felt a sense of purpose, something he’d always longed for. There was a time when he thought the ring was his only purpose, but he remembered how unhappy, unfulfilled, and empty he felt. As he snuggled up under the covers, he knew what he wanted to do with the second chance Galadriel had blessed him with, and he drifted off to sleep with a full heart.


	48. Chapter 48

The next day, after lunch, Sméagol decided to take a trip to our local superstore. This was his first time shopping alone, but he knew where the store was. It was only a couple blocks away, so he walked there. When he arrived, he headed over to the electronics to buy some blank CDs. Then, he headed for the office supply section to buy some ink pens and CD envelopes. While he was there, he spotted packs of pink and red, heart shaped notecards. He grabbed a few packs, and as he was about to head for the food and grocery section, he saw a little girl and her mother in the toy section. The little girl was looking at a specific Barbie doll with a gleam in her eyes.

“Mommy, can I get this one, please?” she asked politely.

“Sweetie, Mommy can’t afford it,” the mother said sadly.

“But, it’s only $10.”

“I know, Sweetie, but I don’t have much money. Gotta use it to buy dinner for us. Maybe next time.”

The little girl’s expression changed from joy to sadness.

“I’m sorry, Baby.”

As they headed for the grocery section, Sméagol sneaked into the toy section. He grabbed the Barbie doll off the shelf. Then, he headed for the groceries to buy some food.

As he stood in the checkout line, he saw the same little girl and her mother paying for their groceries.

“Mommy, may I please have some skittles?” the little girl asked. “They’re only $0.60.”

“I’m sorry, Sweetie,” the mom said sadly. “I only have $0.30 left.”

The little girl was even sadder. First, she couldn’t have a new doll, and now, no candy. However, she didn’t say anything. Somehow, she understood.

As they finished paying for their food, Sméagol grabbed two packs of skittles, and placed them on top of his items.

The cashier rang up all his items. “That’ll be $46.53,” she said.

Sméagol handed her the $100 bill from the check he’d received from the nursing home. Hayley cashed it for him.

The cashier handed him back the leftover cash, but he left the loose change.

“Uh, sir, you left your $0.47.”

“Keep it,” Sméagol said warmly.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Sméagol sure.”

The cashier smiled. “Thank you, sir. You have a blessed day.”

“Bless you, nice lady.”

Sméagol grabbed the bags containing the items he purchased, including the skittles and the doll. He quickly took those items out of the bag, and hurried out of the store. He found the mother and daughter loading their few groceries into the trunk of a beat up car. “Excuse me,” he said politely.

“Can I help you, sir?” asked the mother.

“Sméagol has presentses for little girl.” He handed the little girl the doll.

The little girl’s eyes lit up again.

“And…” He also handed her a bag of skittles. “Here you go, Precious.”

“Thank you, Mister,” the little girl said with the brightest smile.

“Awww, you are too kind,” said the mother, “but are you sure?”

“Oh, yes. Sméagol buys it just for her.” Then, he handed the mother the other pack of skittles. “And, for you.”

The mother’s eyes filled with tears. “Thank you so much, sir! I felt so bad that I couldn’t even buy my little girl a doll, much less a pack of skittles.”

“Don’t feel bad, nice lady. You works very hard. Only can do the best you can for your family.”

“But… why did you do this for us?”

“Sméagol just wants everybody to be happy.”

“Aww, bless your heart.” The mother hugged Sméagol. “You are a good man, Sméagol.”

“Awww, and you are a very good mother.”

“Um, Mr. Sméagol?” said the little girl. “Can I give you a hug, too?”

“Awwww, of course! Come here, Precious!” Sméagol bent down, and picked the little girl up in his arms.

“You’re a really nice man. Thank you for the Barbie and the candy.”

“Awwww, you’re welcome, Sweetie. Here, Sméagol help you get in the car.”

“She likes to sit behind me,” said the mother.

The mother watched as Sméagol opened the door behind the driver’s seat, and helped the little girl in. He even put on her seatbelt for her. “Here you go, Precious. Sméagol wants you to be safe.”

“Thank you, Mr. Sméagol,” the little girl said graciously.

“Awww, very welcome you are, beautiful girl.” Sméagol planted a kiss on her forehead. “Bless you, Sweetie.” Then, he carefully closed the car door.

“Thank you, Sméagol,” said the mother. “Things have been so tough lately. My husband’s fightin’ lung cancer, and I recently lost my job. I’m workin’ at a diner ‘til I can find a better job. Doesn’t pay much, though. I’m tryna pay my husband’s medical bills, but I can barely afford to buy food.”

Sméagol’s heart broke, and tears formed in his eyes. “Oh, bless your hearts. Sméagol so sorry.” He reached in his bags, pulled out his wallet, and handed the lady his leftover $53.

“Oh, no, Sweetie, you keep that for yourself.”

“No. I don’t needs it.”

“I can’t take your money.”

“Please. Not much it is, but Sméagol wants you to have it, Precious. Please… takes it.”

The lady hesitantly took the cash. “Alright, but I promise I’ll pay you back.”

Sméagol smiled sweetly. “No need, nice lady. You already have. Sméagol paying you back for your gift.”

“My gift?” the lady inquired, confused.

“Yes. Your smile and your daughter’s smile, they are best gifts Sméagol could ask for. It’s all Sméagol wants, to make people happy. Nothing else Sméagol wants in return.”

The lady broke down sobbing, and gave Sméagol another hug. “Can you do one more thing for us, please?”

“Anything.”

“The doctors say my husband might only have a year left to live. Will you please pray for him? My baby girl, she loves her daddy so much, and he is the love of my life. Will you please pray for a miracle?”

Sméagol held the lady close. “Of course, I will, Precious,” he sniffled. “Sméagol pray for all of you.”

“Thank you, Sméagol. You are a good man.”

Sméagol gently caressed the lady’s head. “Shhh, it’ll be alright, precious lady,” he said sweetly. “It’ll all be alright. Sméagol knows.”

“God bless you.”

“Awwww, God bless you. God bless you and your beautiful daughter and your precious husband.”


	49. Chapter 49

When Sméagol arrived home, he put the food away in the fridge, and carried his CDs and stationary upstairs to his room. He sat at his desk, opened the packs of cards, and began writing messages on them.

After he had finished writing on all the cards, it was nearly dinner time. This particular night, Hayley had to work a little later, so it would be a while before she could cook dinner for us. Sméagol neatly stacked his cards on his desk, and hurried downstairs to the kitchen. He opened the fridge, and began to cook the food he bought earlier.

Soon, Hayley arrived home with bags of sub sandwiches. “Mmmmm, something sure smells good!” she exclaimed.

“Sméagol making dinner, Precious!” Sméagol called from the kitchen.

Hayley marched into the kitchen, and put the sandwiches in the fridge. “Oooh, whatcha makin’?”

“Lasagna.”

“Ohhh, my favorite! Need any help?”

“Nope. Sméagol knows what to do.”

Hayley smiled proudly. “You’re amazing, Sméagol.”

“Almost ready it is, Precious.”

“Ooh, I can’t wait!”

When dinner was finally ready, I hurried into the kitchen, excited to see what Sméagol had prepared. I sat at the table, and took in the amazing aroma as he brought three large plates of food to the table. “Lasagna?!” I guessed excitedly.

“Yep,” Hayley replied, “and he made it all himself.”

“Ohh, this looks so freaking good!”

“Don’t eat yet, Precious,” Sméagol said cheerfully, opening the oven, and pulling out a batch of garlic bread. He placed a piece on each of our plates. He poured us all our favorite drinks––iced tea for Hayley, Dr. Pepper for me, and water for himself. Then, he set out napkins and silverware for us all. “Now, we eats dinner,” he said as he sat at the table with us.

I took a bite of the lasagna. “Oh, my gosh!” I exclaimed. “This is the best lasagna I have ever tasted!”

“Mmhmm!” Hayley nodded in agreement with her mouth full. She finished chewing, and then, took a bite of the bread. “And, the bread is really good, too. You cooked a great dinner, Sméagol.”

Sméagol smiled sweetly. “Thank you, Precious. Sméagol happy you likes his cooking.”

“Heck yeah,” I said. “You’re an awesome cook, especially since this was the first time you’ve ever cooked anything by yourself.”

“Sméagol just follows instructionses on box, but extra cheese he added, too.”

“Well, thank you for making dinner, Sméagol,” said Hayley. “I didn’t think I’d get home in time to cook a decent meal for you guys, so I stopped at Subway on the way home. Guess we have lunch for tomorrow now.”

“Awww, Sméagol always happy to help, Precious. Sméagol do anything for his friends.”

“Awww, Sméagol, you’re a sweetie-pie. You know that?”

Sméagol tilted his head and giggled lovingly.


	50. Chapter 50

That night, I was, once again, tortured by the same fucking nightmares about Logan. Ugh, when was this going to end? I thought to myself. Was it ever going to end at all, or would I be stuck with these nightmares for the rest of my life?

I woke up a couple hours later with tears in my eyes. I made my way to the bathroom, and sat on the toilet for a few minutes, trying to clear my mind. “Please help me, God,” I sighed. “Please. I can’t take this anymore.” I flushed the toilet, washed my hands, and went back to my room. I crawled back into bed, but I was afraid to close my eyes again. I was afraid of having another nightmare, and I honestly couldn’t take anymore. Nearly four months later, and I was still being tortured with thoughts and feelings for Logan. I wiped a few tears away as I heard a knock on my door.

“Precious?” Sméagol said softly, cracking the door open, and peeping in. He saw the sad expression on my face through the crack in the door, and immediately came in to see what was going on. “Are you alright, Precious?” he asked sweetly as he tiptoed over to my bed in a dark pink onesie.

“Not really,” I said glumly.

Sméagol crawled into the bed, and sat next to me. “Awwww, what is it, Precious?” He caressed my head as I tilted it in his direction.

“I miss Logan,” I sniffled. “I’ve been having nightmares about him.”

“Oh, Sweetie.”

“I know it’s been like, four months, and I should be over him by now, but…” I began sobbing heavily.

Sméagol lifted my head onto his lap, and continued caressing my head. “Precious…” he whispered sweetly. “Why did it not tell Sméagol?”

“I was going to a few weeks back, but you were having your own nightmares. I didn’t wanna make things worse for you, because you were already going through enough shit as it was. I didn’t wanna burden you.”

“Awwww, you are never a burden to Sméagol, my precious. Always you can come to me. Sméagol always be there for you, Sweetie. Never would it have made things harder for Sméagol. Never.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course. Come. Tell Sméagol about nightmares.”

So, I told Sméagol all about the nightmares about Logan, how they switched between our relationship, our breakup, and his new relationship with Katie. I told him how, one minute, Logan was holding me again, loving me, and saying he would never leave me, and the next, he would be loving and kissing Katie right in front of me, as if I never existed, making the same promises to her as he did to me.

“Awwww,” Sméagol said sadly, “my poor precious.”

“And, I wanna let him go,” I wept, “but I just… I can’t. Every fucking day, I go to his Facebook, and I’m about to delete him off my friends list, but… I can’t. The thought of cutting him out of my life forever, it––it kills me. Every time I try to let him go, all the memories we made together, they keep coming back and attacking me. I feel so trapped. I can’t escape. I feel like I’m totally screwed.”

Sméagol lay down next to me, and pulled me close, wrapping his arms and legs around me. “Baby…” he said sweetly.

“I can’t take it anymore,” I sobbed.

He held me tightly against his chest, and gently caressed my head and backside.

“He really hurt me, Sméagol.”

“I knows,” he said sweetly. “I knows, Baby.”

My sobbing escalated as he continued caressing and comforting me.

“Shhh. Sméagol’s here. It’ll be alright, my precious. Sméagol never leave you. Sméagol knows he hurts you, Baby, but Sméagol never, ever leave you. I always be here for you, Baby. Always.” He gently played with my hair. “Awwww, so beautiful you are, Precious. Yes, so lovely your hair is. So soft to touch. So bright it shines, like the beautiful yellow face in the sky. Sméagol was once afraid of the sun, Precious. Yes, very afraid he was. Too bright and too hot it was. It burned and blinded him, it did. Not anymore. Not since the Precious was destroyed, and Sméagol finds a new Precious.”

My heart fluttered at his sweet words. “You mean me?”

“Yes. Yes, Cheyenne is Sméagol’s new Precious. So beautiful and sweet and lovely she is… with the voice of an angel. Yes, Sméagol loves her very, very much, so much more than the other Precious.” He kissed my forehead. “It’s alright, Baby. Sméagol knows Cheyenne still loves Logan. Sméagol knows Cheyenne is still hurting deeply, so Sméagol wait for Precious Cheyenne. However long it takes, Sméagol wait for you, my love.”

Holy shit! I thought. Did Sméagol just confess to me that he was in love with me?! Oh, my gosh! It was like a dream come true, but it seemed too good to be true. Did he really want me in that way, or was I dreaming? I wanted him, too. I knew I had strong feelings for him, too. Honestly, I had those feelings for him from the start, but I never said anything. At first, it was because I needed to get over Logan, and I knew I wasn’t ready for another relationship right after getting my heart broken for the zillionth time. Now, it was because I was afraid. Of what? Getting hurt again, hurting him, screwing it all up, and of course, I was still struggling to get over Logan.

“Precious?” Sméagol said sweetly.

“Yeah?”

“Can Sméagol sing to you?”

“Yeah, I would really like that. Thanks.”

“Awwwww, come here, my precious baby.” He held me tighter. “Sméagol sing to you all night.” He kissed my forehead again. “Close your eyes, my love. Close your eyes. Sméagol is here. Yes, Sméagol take care of you, Baby.” He continued caressing me as he began to sing a sweet song to me. What was the song he was singing? Nothing I’d ever heard before, but it was so beautiful. I listened to the words, and quickly realized it was a song he created himself. The words were so heartfelt, sweet, and genuine, and his voice was so warm, soft, and loving. I closed my eyes, and drifted off to sleep in his arms. All through the night, he continued singing to me, different songs, both songs of his own creation and songs by other artists, such as, well, Celtic Woman, duh.

When I fell asleep, I did not see Logan’s face or hear his voice. In this dream, I was the one in a dark cave, wasting away to nothing, and ready to give up. Then, I heard singing, and I saw a beautiful, bright ball of light entering my gloomy cave. I looked up with a face soaked in tears, and I saw Sméagol in a white, zip-up onesie with a very long tail and huge, awesome wings. Sméagol slowly approached me, and extended his hand to me. “It’s alright, my precious,” he whispered to me. “Sméagol’s here. Sméagol loves you, Precious. Sméagol always love you. Never leave you, my precious. Never. Always be here for you… forever. Come, Precious. Take Sméagol’s hand. Yes, Sméagol take care of you. Sméagol love you forever. Don’t be afraid, my precious. Sméagol never hurt you, only wants to make you happy.” He smiled sweetly as I gradually reached my hand out to him. “Yes, Precious. Take Sméagol’s hand.”

I slowly locked my fingers with his. They were so warm and soft to the touch.

He pulled me close, and held me against his chest. “It’s alright, Precious. Sméagol take care of your heart. Never break it, Precious. Only make it better.” He kissed my forehead. “Sméagol give you his heart, too. It’s yours, my love. Come. Sméagol take you away from darkness.” He lifted me into his arms, and carried me out of the cave. The world around me was so colorful, bright, and beautiful, and I felt an overwhelming sense of relief and joy as he slowly began to rise from the ground. Soon, we were in the sky, looking down on the world below, but I wasn’t scared. I knew I was safe, and my dark cave was nowhere in sight. All my troubles seemed to have completely vanished.

We ascended further and further into the heavens, until we reached a huge, white, fluffy cloud. Sméagol sat on the cloud, still holding me in his arms. He gently kissed my lips, and looked into my eyes with the sweetest, warmest, brightest smile. “Sméagol loves you, Precious,” he wept happily. “Sméagol loves you so much. It’s alright now, my love. You’re home. No more pain, Precious. No more darkness. Sméagol take it all away. Come here, Baby.” He pulled me closer, and held me tightly as he sang to me. I could hear his beautiful singing through the whole dream, but now, it was even clearer. As I lay in his arms, I held onto him tightly, and I knew that everything would be okay.


	51. Chapter 51

I didn’t wake up until almost eleven, but when I opened my eyes, I was still in Sméagol’s arms. He hadn’t moved all night. He was still awake, and just finished singing another song. I looked up at him, and saw him smiling so sweetly at me.

“Sméagol?” I yawned.

Sméagol’s smile grew even sweeter and brighter. “Good morning, beautiful Cheyenne,” he greeted cheerfully. “How did my precious sleep?”

“I…” I remembered the dream I had. “I slept great,” I said happily.

“Awww, you did?”

“Yeah. I haven’t slept this good in so long.” Then, I realized something. “Oh, my God, Sméagol,” I said breathlessly. “Did you seriously stay awake all night?”

“Yes,” he said sweetly. “I did. I wanted to make sure my precious would be alright.” He kissed my forehead. “Sméagol was so worried about you, Baby.”

“And… did you actually sing to me the whole time?”

“Yes.” He caressed my head, and ran his fingers through my hair. “Yes, Baby, I did.”

I was speechless, completely blown away by Sméagol’s actions. “My God,” I said breathlessly, “nobody has… ever, ever done that for me… except for Hayley.”

“Hayley?”

“The night Logan broke up with me, I was afraid to fall asleep. She came in to check on me, and she sang me to sleep. She stayed up for hours, just holding me and… singing to me. That wasn’t even the first time she did that for me. But, besides her, nobody else ever went that extra zillion miles for me. I mean, I would never ask anyone to, but––”

“I wanted to, Baby. Sméagol do anything for his Precious.”

“All those sweet things you said last night… did you––”

“Yes. I meant every word.”

“So, you… you’re––”

“Yes. Sméagol in love with beautiful Cheyenne.”

“I…” Holy shit! I wasn’t dreaming! Sméagol actually did say he loved me!

“But, I understands if you’re not ready, my baby. I understands if you still loves Logan, so I waits for you, even if I must waits forever. Anything for my precious I would do.” He kissed my forehead again. “Anything.”

I thought for a moment. “You know, maybe the reason I’m still struggling to get over him is because… I never had real closure, no answers, and so many unresolved feelings of anger and resentment towards him I never got to get off my chest.”

“Why is it angry, Precious?”

“Well, first, he broke his promise to me.”

“What was his promise?”

“He said he would never leave me. He knew all about my history with abandonment and betrayal, how it affected me. He promised he would never do such a thing to me, and I was dumb enough to believe him. Then, out of nowhere, he breaks up with me… over a fucking text message. He didn’t even have the decency to tell me to my face. Instead, he took the easy way out. He didn’t even give a real explanation, only that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. We were together for over a year, and out of nowhere, he decides he’s not ready for a relationship. Yeah, that makes perfect sense.”

“Such a coward he is,” Sméagol scoffed. “What a load of bullshit.”

I snickered at the sound of Sméagol swearing. “Then, less than two months later, he suddenly gets into a new relationship with a woman he barely even knows. You know how I know he barely knew her? Because, in the time I’ve known him, I’ve met all his friends. I met his family, everyone that mattered to him, and not once have I ever, ever seen that woman. So… I guess that does answer one of my questions. It wasn’t that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. He just didn’t want me anymore.” I sighed. “Maybe he never did. If he did, what changed his mind? If he didn’t, why would he play me like that? Oh, and as soon as he gets in this relationship, he sends me a message, telling me he’s with someone else, and basically rubbing it in that we’re broken up.”

“So cruel he was to you,” Sméagol said sympathetically.

I suddenly began to feel sad again. “That day… right before you came out of the cave… I was looking at the pond, wondering how deep the water was, and…” I began to tear up. “I thought… what if I jumped in, and didn’t even try to swim? What if I let myself drown?” I wept. “Would anybody even miss me, or would they be relieved when I was finally gone?”

Sméagol’s eyes filled with tears.

“I thought… if nobody even wants me, if all I am is a burden or an inconvenience or embarrassment… and all I do is make people’s lives miserable, why the fuck am I even here?”

“Oh, Sweetie,” Sméagol sniffled, holding me tighter.

“I was about to jump in… until I heard you moving around in the cave. Then, I thought, well, this is it. I’m gonna get eaten alive by some wild animal, but I didn’t even care.”

“Awwwww,” Sméagol giggled, rubbing the top of my head, “Sméagol so sorry he scared you. He would never eat you, Baby, never hurt you.”

“Well, I didn’t realize it was you until you appeared. When I first saw you come out of the cave, I thought I was seeing things. It was all too good to be true. You couldn’t be real, so I tried to, I guess, wake myself up. When I realized I wasn’t dreaming or seeing things, and that it really was you, I was too afraid to talk to you.”

“Awwww, why was it afraid, Baby?”

“I was too shy, and I was already feeling really down on myself. I thought, there’s no way he’ll even wanna talk to me. He probably won’t like me, because nobody else seemed to like me, either. Then, you looked at me, and you asked why I was crying, and as soon as you took my hand and looked into my eyes, I just… broke.”

“Yes, I remembers.”

“When you held me, I felt like… like I was being held by an angel, and I knew everything would be okay again. I totally forgot about wanting to kill myself.” I smiled at Sméagol with tears still pouring out of my eyes. “You saved my life, Sméagol.”

Sméagol held me closer against his chest, gently caressing my head and running his fingers through my hair. “Precious…” he whispered.

“I mean it. I would’ve killed myself if it wasn’t for you.” I suddenly began sobbing again. “I’m alive today, because of you. I’m okay, because of you.”

“Awwww.” Sméagol also began sobbing. “Sméagol so happy beautiful Cheyenne is alive. So grateful I am she is not dead.”

“Me, too. I’m glad I didn’t go through with it.”


	52. Chapter 52

Sméagol’s hungry now. What about my precious? Is my precious hungry, too?” He patted me on the head.

I laughed softly. “Yeah, I’m pretty hungry. Hayley left meatball subs in the fridge for us.”

“Ooh, tasty.”

So, we both got out of bed, did our business, and brushed our teeth. I stayed in my sweater nighty, and Sméagol kept his onesie on as we headed downstairs to the kitchen. I opened the fridge, and found the sandwiches. I put them on plates as Sméagol grabbed a bag of Doritos out of the pantry. He poured some onto each plate. Then, we both filled our cups with ice water, and sat down to enjoy our lunch.

“Sméagol?” I said.

“Yes?”

“Thanks for taking care of me last night. You really, really helped me… big time.”

Sméagol smiled sweetly at me. “Awww, Sméagol do anything for you, Baby.”

I smiled back. “I really love how you’re calling me ‘Baby’ now. It’s really sweet.”

He giggled softly. “You are my baby.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“You seriously sang to me the whole time?”

“I did, Precious.”

“How the fuck did you not lose your voice?”

“I don’t knows.”

For a moment, Sméagol and I just looked at each other. Then, we burst out into long and loud laughter.

After lunch, Sméagol took the dishes, and put them in the dishwasher. I could tell from the way he was moving that he was tired, and I felt really bad.

“Hey, Sméagol?” I said sadly.

“What is it, Precious?”

“Maybe you should get a nap. You look like you’re exhausted.”

“No,” he said cheerfully. “Sméagol’s alright.”

“Sméagol, you stayed up all night just to take care of me.”

“Sméagol doesn’t mind.”

“I know.”

Sméagol came over to me, and put his arms around me. “My precious… I still wants to take care of you. Sméagol’s worried about beautiful Cheyenne.”

“Yeah, but you should take care of yourself, too. Sméagol, I’m okay now. I’ll be okay for the next few hours.”

“But, what if Cheyenne isn’t alright again. Cheyenne did not tell Sméagol last time she wasn’t alright.”

“Because, I didn’t wanna put too much on you.”

Sméagol hugged me. “You never puts too much on me, Precious. You can always talk to me, always.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Sméagol sure, Precious.”

“Okay,” I said hesitantly. “If I’m not okay, I’ll let you know.”

“You promise?”

I smiled. “I promise.”

“Alright, my love. Sméagol go to sleep now.” He hugged me tightly, kissed my forehead, and went back upstairs to take a nap.


	53. Chapter 53

I also went back upstairs to my room, and sat at my computer. I logged onto Facebook, and saw that I had a message from Logan. I hesitantly clicked on it, and let my computer read it out to me.

“Cheyenne, listen, I know we broke up, and I’m in a new relationship now, but at the very least, you could send me a message every now and then. Ask how I’m doing. Talk to me. I still want to be your friend, because I still care about you very much. But, you’re not being fair to me, Cheyenne. It’s very hurtful when you completely ignore me. Cheyenne, I wish you would talk to me. I wish you would support my decision, but I guess that’s too much to ask. Maybe you’re not the woman I thought you were.”

Are you fucking kidding me? I thought to myself. I could feel the anger boiling up inside of me, until all my feelings of hurt and resentment exploded into a long response.

“Logan,” I typed angrily, “the fact that you break up with me out of nowhere with no good explanation, over text, I might add, get a new girlfriend less than two months after telling me you weren’t ready for a relationship, messaging me again to tell me about her and rub our breakup in my face, and now, try to turn it all on me, saying I’m the one in the wrong, tells me that you are not the man I thought you were. I thought you were loyal, honest, and trustworthy, and I was stupid enough to believe you when you promised, you promised me you would never leave me. You broke that promise, Logan, and don’t give me the whole ‘we can still be friends’ bullshit speech. You can’t just rip my heart out of my chest, stomp on it, break it into a million pieces, and expect me to act like everything’s fine. That’s not fair to me. Logan, you really hurt me. You broke my trust in you. I have spent the past four months, trying so hard to be okay again, and you have the nerve to say that I hurt you, that I’m the one being unfair? No, Logan, it doesn’t work like that. I’m not taking the rap for your mistakes. You screwed up this time! You did, not me! I admit that I wasn’t the perfect girlfriend, but I gave you my all. I loved you so much, and I thought you loved me, too. Now, I know you never did. Maybe that’s why you left me. You were ready for a relationship, but you didn’t want one with me. Maybe it’s because of my disabilities, or maybe because I don’t want kids. I don’t know, and quite frankly, I don’t give a shit anymore. All I will say is, I hope you are a better boyfriend to Katie than you were to me. I don’t know her, but I do know she deserves better… and so do I. Goodbye, Logan. PS. Kiss my ass!”

I was surprised at how I managed not to call him every name in the book, and spew out every cuss word in the English language. Still, I said everything I needed to say, got it all off my chest. I clicked over to his profile one more time, and this time, I unfriended him. Yep, I actually went through with it, and honestly, it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. It was actually very freeing to know I was no longer carrying this heavy burden on my shoulders anymore. I was really proud of myself, and I couldn’t wait to tell Sméagol, Hayley, and Abby. I actually printed out the messages to show them. Then, I sent Abby a text. This was usually when she checked her phone. I would either send her a text to let her know if I wanted to have lunch, or she would text me to invite me to have lunch.

I waited for a few minutes, but no answer. Oh, well, I thought. She must’ve been busy.


	54. Chapter 54

That evening, I dressed in a green sundress, and Sméagol wore a pink shirt and one of his pairs of pants with a little springy tail.“Ready, my precious?” he asked with the cutest smile on his face.

I grinned as I grabbed my purse. “Ready.”

Sméagol giggled as we linked arms, and headed out the front door together. We stopped at Pizza Hut, and bought a large pepperoni pizza with two large Dr. Peppers. Then, arm-in-arm, we headed for the park, and sat down at the same table as we did when we came with Abby a few weeks back.

“You look really cute in that outfit,” I said with a coy smile on my face.

He giggled sweetly. “Awww, thank you, Precious.”

“So, it doesn’t bother you that people might stare at you with that tail?”

He smiled warmly. “No, not anymore. Sméagol feels comfy and happy, and that’s all that matters.”

“Good, because you look really sweet with a tail.” I smiled like an awkward teenage girl. “Really cute, actually.”

He giggled infectiously. “Awww, Sméagol loves his tail.”

“I never wanted one. Sensory no-no for me.”

“Not comfy for you?”

“Nope, it wouldn’t be.”

“That’s alright, Precious. Sméagol thinks you’re beautiful the way you are.”

I blushed. “Oh, by the way, Logan messaged me today.”

Sméagol suddenly became very worried. “He did?”

“Yep. He tried to guilt me into talking to him again, said it hurt him that I wasn’t messaging him back, all that fun shit.”

“Oh, Sweetie…”

“Don’t worry. I handled it.” I smiled at Sméagol. “I told him off.”

Sméagol’s expression changed from worry to relief.

I dug in my purse, and handed him a folded sheet of paper. “This is our little exchange.”

Sméagol read Logan’s message, and his jaw dropped. “Awww, how could he talk to my baby like that?”

“Keep reading,” I said with a mischievous grin.

Sméagol read my response, and proudly smiled at me. He laughed when he finished reading. “‘PS. Kiss my ass!’ Oh, Precious!”

I laughed. “And, guess what else. I unfriended him. I deleted him off my friends list on Facebook, and… it actually wasn’t that bad. I actually feel so much better now. I cut him out of my life, and… I feel free.”

Sméagol’s smile grew so bright and huge. “Oh, Precious!” he exhaled. “Sméagol so proud of you!” He reached across the table, took my hand in his, and patted it gently.

“I couldn’t have done it without you, though. I mean, you were there for me through it all, even when I didn’t tell you what was going on. You still helped me. When I did tell you, you were… Gosh, you were so sweet to me, so patient and supportive and encouraging. You made me realize that I deserve better.”

“Yes, Precious,” he said sweetly, still holding my hand, “you do deserves better. You deserves to be loved, not abandoned and betrayed. You are a good person, a beautiful person. So grateful I am to know you, to have you in my life.”


	55. Chapter 55

As we talked and ate, Sméagol saw the young lady he’d met weeks before, the one with the Pomeranian he played with. This time, she didn’t have Snowball with her. She was sitting on a park bench by herself, holding a small jar in her hands, and she didn’t look very happy.

“Sméagol be right back, Precious,” he said, getting up from the picnic table, and approaching the lady. “Hello,” he greeted sweetly.

She looked up with tears in her eyes. “Oh, hi, Sméagol,” she said glumly.

He sat next to her, and gave her a warm, sympathetic look. “Awww, why does it cry, Precious?” Then, he noticed Snowball’s absence. “Where’s Snowball?”

“She’s gone.”

“Gone?”

“I had to have her put down this morning.”

Sméagol was confused. “What does it mean?”

“She was really sick. She had bone cancer, and… they couldn’t do anything. She was only gonna get sicker. I didn’t want her to suffer anymore, so… the vet put her to sleep… permanently.”

Sméagol’s heart broke. “Oh, no,” he said sadly, “Sméagol so sorry.”

“She was just a baby,” the woman wept, “just two years old, but she was my baby.”

“Awwwww, come here.” Sméagol wrapped his arms around the woman, and pulled her into a big hug.

“She was sick for six months. She used to be all peppy and happy and playful. Then, she got sluggish and tired. Nothing helped her… until you came over to play with her, but that fucking cunt bungalo had to ruin everything. I’m really sorry, by the way. If it makes you feel any better, I told her to go fuck herself.”

Sméagol laughed softly. “She was right, though. Sméagol did do horrible things to nice hobbitses.”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t your fault, and she didn’t have to be so hateful. I don’t know. I guess it hurt me more, because when you played with Snowball,that was the happiest I’d seen her in so long. She was her old self again for a few minutes, and it meant… so much to me. After you left, she went back to being depressed and tired. It’s almost like you healed her when you were playing with her, like you were her angel of mercy.”

As I listened to the heart wrenching conversation, I remembered the night before, when I was having trouble sleeping. Then, when Sméagol came in, everything was different. I slept through the night, had the most amazing dream, and woke up feeling so much better. I then remembered that day in the field, when I came so close to ending my life, until he came out of the cave. As soon as he touched me, I felt like everything would be okay again. Now, I was hearing someone else’s story about how Sméagol helped their dog, and I couldn’t help but smile and cry at the same time.

“What’s that?” Sméagol asked, gesturing at the jar in the lady’s hands.

“It’s an urn,” she said, “with Snowball’s ashes. I had her cremated, so I could spread her ashes here, but…” She began to cry again. “I don’t think I can do it. I still wanna keep her with me. I know she’s gone, but––”

“No. Precious, she’s not gone. Right here she is.” Sméagol pointed to the lady’s heart. “In your heart she lives, and from heaven she watches you. She is never gone, and you don’t have to spread her ashes, not if you don’t want to. Must do what your heart tells you is right, Precious.”

The lady rested her head on Sméagol’s chest, still sobbing.

Sméagol held her close, gently caressing her head. “Shhh, it’s alright,” he said in his sweetest tone. “It’s alright, Precious. Sméagol’s here.”

“I know it’s dumb getting this upset over a dog, but––”

“It’s not dumb, no, not at all, nice lady. Snowball is special to you. Dogses are people, too, Precious.”

“Glad somebody understands. People give me hell about it.”

“Aww, why?”

“When she first got sick, people kept telling me I was freaking out over nothing. ‘Get over it already. She’s just a dog.’ That’s what they said.”

“So cruel they are to you.”

“I hear that shit every fucking day of my life. I’m too god damned sensitive. I overreact. I act like a fucking child. ‘Grow up already,’ you know? Like, I’m not allowed to be myself.” The lady hesitated. “I’m… I’m Autistic.”

Sméagol smiled warmly, and hugged her again. “Sméagol understands.”

“You do?”

“Yes. Sméagol knows someone else who is Autistic, Precious. Very, very special person she is to me.”

“You mean the girl you’re eating pizza with?”

“Yes.” Sméagol held the lady closer, and gently caressed her head. “Precious… you are allowed to be yourself. Sméagol will not judge you, no. Sméagol be your friend.”

“Are you sure you want me as a friend?”

“Of course, Precious. Why not?”

“Because, I can get crazy. Like, when I have a meltdown… I can get… kinda violent. I scream and cry and throw things, and I hit myself. I can’t help it, though. It’s involuntary, but… but still…”

“Why does it do that?”

“You mean hit myself?”

Sméagol nodded.

“It’s called SIB, Self-Injurious Behavior. Does your friend do that when she has meltdowns?”

“No.”

The lady scoffed. “She’s lucky. It sucks. I had the worst meltdown this morning.” She lifted her skirt a bit, revealing bruises and scratches on her legs.

Sméagol’s eyes filled with tears.

“I usually block it with a pillow,” she sniffled, “but… I didn’t have one.”

“Oh, you poor thing.”

“People think I’m a crazy psychopath,” she wept. “Every time I show that side of me to someone, they tell me I’m acting like a baby… or they leave. But, every time I had a meltdown around Snowball, she always kissed my booboos better. She never left my side, even when she was sick.”

“Awwww, Sméagol never leave, either, Precious. Even if nice lady has nasty meltdown, Sméagol can handles it, yes. Sméagol seen so much worse, done much worse.”

“You can trust him,” I said, approaching the bench. “He’s the best friend anyone could ever ask for. I’m Cheyenne, by the way.”

“I’m Sarah,” said the lady.

I sat next to Sméagol. “My boyfriend dumped me a few months ago. I’ve been having trouble getting over him. I had nightmares about him. Then, last night, Sméagol came in to check on me. I told him what was wrong, and he stayed by my side all night. I’m not even kidding. He actually stayed awake to make sure I would be okay. Not only that, but he sang to me… all night.”

“Holy shit,” said Sarah. “How did you not lose your voice?”

Sméagol and I laughed.

“That’s what I said,” I replied. “No, but seriously, he’s the hardcore definition of loyal, and he’s very determined. When he sets his mind to something, he never gives up, so when he says he’ll be your friend, he’s serious.”

“I only ever had one friend like that,” said Sarah. “Her name was Brittany. She never gave me shit when I had meltdowns, never made me feel like a crazy person. I could be myself around her, and she never judged me. She was my best friend.”

“What happened?”

Sarah hesitated as more tears poured out of her eyes. “She committed suicide last year,” she sobbed.

“Awwww, Sweetie,” Sméagol wept, holding her tightly, “Sméagol so sorry. So much nice Sarah has been through.”

“Damn,” I said sadly, “I almost did that a few months ago… when I found out that my ex-boyfriend got a new girlfriend after telling me he wasn’t ready for a relationship.”

“Are you kidding me?” Sarah growled.

“Nope.”

“What a douchebag.”

“I was about to drown myself in a pond, until Sméagol saved my life. Long story.”

“Wow… Sméagol, you really are a great guy. You’re really lucky, Cheyenne.”

“Awwwwww!” Sméagol wrapped his arms around both of us, and held us against his chest. “Sméagol so lucky to have both of you!”

“Awwwwww, Sméagol!” Sarah cried. “You’re so sweet!”

Sméagol giggled softly, caressing our backs. “Awwwww, so precious you both are. Yes, Sméagol loves you very much. Very, very much he does, yes!”

“We love you, too, Sméagol. And, just so we’re clear, I loved you in the movies.”

“Awwwww!”

As Sarah sat up again, and Sméagol scooted back a bit, she caught a glimpse of the back of his pants. “Um, Sméagol?” she asked awkwardly.

“Yes?”

“Um, is that… a tail?”

Sméagol smiled. “Yes, it is, Precious.”

“Oh, my gosh, that is so cute!” Sarah cried out excitedly.

He giggled. “Awwww, Sméagol loves having a tail! I only wishes it were real.”

“I know what you mean. I wish I had real kitty ears.”

He giggled even more. “Oh, so adorable that would be, Precious!”

Sarah smiled. “Well, thanks, Sméagol. You made me feel better. But, I gotta go. Time for me to eat.”

“Alright, nice Sarah, but if you ever needs a friend, Sméagol always be here for you.”

“Thanks.”

The three of us stood up, and Sméagol got his tail caught in the bench bars. Then, when he managed to break free, his springy tail wiggled and bounced, causing him to squeal and giggle uncontrollably, which made me and Sarah laugh long and hard.

“Oh, my God, that was funny!” Sarah laughed.

“And, so freaking cute!” I laughed.

“Thanks, Sméagol! I needed that laugh.”

Sméagol, still giggling, gave Sarah another big hug. “Awwwww, Sméagol so happy Sarah feels better.” Then, he reached in his pocket, and pulled out one of the heart shaped notecards with a message written on it. He handed it to her. “Here you go, Sweetie.”

Sarah read the card, and her eyes filled with tears. This time, however, they were happy tears. “‘Never forget you are precious, and I loves you very, very much.’ Awww, Sméagol!”

“Keep it with you, Precious, and whenever you feels sad or frightened or lonely, always remember I loves you forever, my precious friend.”

Sarah gave Sméagol one last hug. “Thanks, Sméagol. I’m gonna take it everywhere I go.” Then, she turned to me. “And, it was really nice meeting you, Cheyenne.”

I smiled politely. “You, too, Sarah.”


	56. Chapter 56

After Sarah left, Sméagol and I threw away our trash. We had eaten every last bite, and finished our drinks. He took my hand, and led me back to the bench. We sat down together, enjoying the beauty of nature. I rested my head on his shoulder, and he wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer.

“Oh, so beautiful it is this evening,” Sméagol sighed happily.

“Yeah, it’s really nice,” I agreed. “Hey, Sméagol?”

“Yes?”

“What you did for that lady, Sarah, that was really nice. Like, I was watching you with her, and… you have this amazing way of connecting with people. She was having the worst day of her life, and you made it a hundred times better.”

“She’s Autistic, too.”

“Yep, I know. I heard the conversation.”

Sméagol smiled reflectively. “Sméagol cares about people. So much he does, yes. Sméagol loves people.”

“You have a big heart, Sméagol, probably bigger than the entire universe. You’re so kind to everyone you meet, even the biggest jerks.”

“Sméagol does not see the point in being hateful in return, Precious, not anymore. Only made things worse, it did.” He sighed sadly. “Sméagol was so cruel to nice hobbitses. They tries to help, but I tries to hurts them in return. Precious… if I could do it all over again, I would never hurts them, not this time, no. I destroys the ring for them. I takes it to Mordor myself, take the burden from poor Master, and carry it myself, even if the only way I could destroy it is to… die with it.”

I felt tears welling up again. “You would die for them?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because… I loves them, both of them. Very much I do.” He held me tighter. “Just like I loves you. So much I loves you, Precious, and I would die for you, too.”

I wiped away the tears. “You know, I thought about it all day.”

“Thought about what, my love?”

“What you said, that you wanna be with me.”

“No rush, Precious. Sméagol knows it needs time.”

“Not anymore.”

Sméagol’s jaw dropped open in excitement. “What?”

“Logan is out of my life now. I’m over him. I got the answers I needed and the closure, and I realize I’m better off without him. He’s not the man he used to be, not the man I needed him to be, and… you’re right. I do deserve to be loved, for real. The only thing I’m worried about is if he’s gonna hurt this new girl like he hurt me. I hope he doesn’t. She seems really sweet and nice, and she doesn’t deserve to get hurt, too. But… I’m done with him, Sméagol. I can finally move on, and…” I took a deep breath. “I wanna be with you, Sméagol.”

Sméagol’s face lit up brighter than the sun. “It does?”

“Yes, it does.”

Sméagol giggled at the way I imitated his speech.

“Can I be honest with you?”

“Yes.”

“I fell in love with you when I first saw the movies, even before we met, and when Hayley first showed me the doll, before I even knew who you were, I almost cried. I looked at you, and I thought you were so, so beautiful. Then, I watch you in the movies, get to know your story, and I connected with you instantly. Your voice was what really got my attention. You have the sweetest voice I’ve ever heard. Then, you actually came to life for real, and getting to see you up close and in person, holy shit, you really are so freaking beautiful, inside and out. Feeling your skin against mine when you hold my hand, your embrace, your breath on me, hearing your voice in person, hearing you speak, hearing you sing, and getting to really know you, it’s… nothing I can even describe. Everything about you is beautiful and special and wonderful. I don’t have anything bad to say about you, nothing. God, you take my breath away, Sméagol.”

Sméagol burst into tears, and threw his arms around me. “Oh, my precious!” he sobbed.

“I love you, Sméagol,” I wept, “so freaking much.”

“I loves you, too, Baby.”

We watched as the sun began to dip below the clouds, creating a gorgeous, rainbow sunset. There are things in nature that I cannot see very well or at all. I can’t see the stars in the sky or the birds in the trees, but this, I could see very clearly. I nearly broke down sobbing again when I saw the rainbow light hit Sméagol’s face. Oh, wow, he looked so, so beautiful, and what made it even more stunning was the sparkle and gleam in his bright blue eyes. I quickly grabbed my phone, and managed to take pictures of him and the sunset itself. Then, I put my phone away, and kept looking at his face, watching the colors move as the sun slowly faded into the night. Though the colors darkened, the gleam in his eyes only brightened as we both leaned in, sharing a passionate, powerful kiss that only deepened my feelings for him.


	57. Chapter 57

A few days later, Sméagol had his very first solo nursing home gig. He was so excited! He dressed in a purple sweater and black pants, and packed all his necessities, including his equipment, in a large bag. Well, actually, he was using my laptop and speakers. We still hadn’t bought a computer for him. Hey, computers are expensive, and besides, I didn’t mind him using mine. We both headed out the door together, and walked arm-in-arm to the nursing home with big smiles on our faces.

When we arrived, I helped him set up the computer and speakers, and made sure everything worked.

“Welp,” I said to him, “everything’s good to go.”

He smiled.

“Are you nervous?”

“No,” he said cheerfully, “not nervous at all, Precious. Sméagol’s so excited.”

I smiled. “You’ve got this.”

“Awwwww,” he cried, hugging me, “Sméagol wouldn’t be here without you, Baby.” He giggled and kissed my cheek.

“You ready, Sméagol?” asked Diane.

“Oh, yes,” he said happily, “Sméagol’s ready, Precious!”

Diane grinned. “Well, you can go ahead and start if you’re ready.”

I sat at the table where the computer was, so I could turn the music off and on as needed, adjust the volume, or do whatever Sméagol needed me to. He gave me a cute smile, signaling to me he was ready to start, so I hit “Play.”

Sméagol’s performance consisted of very soft, sweet, uplifting ballads with messages of love, hope, and friendship. Some of the songs he sang were covers. Others were of his own creation.

By the way, when it came to songwriting, Sméagol was very good at coming up with beautiful, poetic words and a breath-taking melody. However, he didn’t yet know how to play any instruments, so Hayley and I wrote the music for him. Then, we recorded the backing tracks with my recording equipment and software. It was amazing how professional and clear the sound quality was.

During the show, Sméagol noticed one woman wiping away a flood of tears. He approached her, and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly and drying her tears as he continued to sing.

“God bless you, Sméagol,” she sniffled when the song ended.

“Awww, God bless you, too, Precious,” he responded, planting a kiss on her forehead.

By the time he finished, there was not a dry eye in the room. Everyone could feel and hear the love in his beautiful voice and see it written all over his face. They all applauded and cheered loudly for him.

He smiled sweetly, and blew a kiss to everyone with the cutest giggle. “Awww, Sméagol loves you all.”


	58. Chapter 58

As I broke down the equipment, Sméagol reached in the bag, and pulled out two large containers and his stack of cards.

“Hey,” said Diane, “what you got there?”

“Sméagol made cookies for everybody!” Sméagol said cheerfully.

Diane gasped excitedly. “You made those yourself?”

“Yes, Sméagol bake them this morning.”

“Y’all, don’t go anywhere!” Diane announced to everyone. “Sméagol made y’all some cookies!” She turned to him. “What kind are they?”

“Chocolate chip,” I replied, “and he also made plain sugar cookies, just in case anyone’s allergic to chocolate.”

“Sméagol bake them with lots of love.” Sméagol handed out his freshly baked cookies to everyone with the warmest smile on his face, and everyone graciously accepted them. Along with the cookies, he also gave everyone a card with a sweet message written on it, the same message he gave to Sarah the other day. His sweet message brought smiles and tears of joy and gratitude to everyone. As he handed out his treats, he also gave everyone warm hugs, which were deeply appreciated and returned.

“I can’t eat cookies,” said one woman. “I’m diabetic.”

Sméagol was confused. “Diabetic?”

“I can’t have sugar,” she explained. “It makes me sick, does damage to my kidneys.”

“Awwww,” Sméagol said as he hugged the lady, “Sméagol so sorry, Precious.”

The woman smiled. “Oh, it’s alright. Thank you, though.”

“Sméagol still want you to have this.” He handed her the card.

She read the message he wrote, and her eyes filled with tears. “Thank you, Sméagol. Bless your kind heart.” She hugged him again.

“Awwww, bless you, too, beautiful lady.”

Just then, Diane came up behind him, and tapped him on the shoulder. “Sméagol, thank you so much for singin’ for us, and for bein’ so kind and giving. You don’t know what that means to these people.”

Sméagol smiled. “No, I do, Precious. I knows what it’s like to feel all alone. Very alone I once was, for a long, long time.”

“Oh, I know,” Diane said sadly. “Bless your heart.”

“Awwwww.”

“Hey, I watched your videos on YouTube. I guess Cheyenne helped you make them?”

“Oh, yes, she taught me how to makes them.”

“Well, you do a great job, Sweetie.”

“Thank you, Precious.”

“And, those onesies you wear in the videos, you look absolutely darling in them.”

Sméagol giggled.

“You wouldn’t mind wearing one of them next time you come here, would you?”

Sméagol’s face lit up. “Oh, Sméagol love to!”

Diane chuckled. “Great. I’ll see you in two weeks.”

“Alright. Sméagol be here.”

Diane gave Sméagol a big hug. “Bye, Sweetie, and your check is in the mail.”

“Thank you, Sweetie. Bye.”


	59. Chapter 59

Remember the text I sent to Abby a few days prior, right after I cut ties with Logan? She never got back to me. I texted her a couple times more throughout the next few days. Still no reply. I tried calling her, but she didn’t answer.

The following Friday, Hayley, Sméagol, and I were planning to go out to karaoke again. I tried to call Abby again to invite her. No answer. I was worried, but I tried to calm myself down by assuming she was just very busy.

As I was getting ready, I overheard Hayley on the phone with someone.

“Well, okay, Sweetie,” she said. “I just thought I’d invite you to come with us, but I understand. We miss you, though. Yeah, just let us know when you’re available. Okay. Bye, Abby.” She hung up, and saw me standing in the doorway. “She said she’s busy,” she said to me, “so she can’t come out tonight.”

“Oh,” I said, pretending I wasn’t upset, “okay.”

“I’m sorry, Sweetie.”

“No, it’s cool.” I tried to plaster a fake smile, so Hayley wouldn’t know how I was really feeling. “I gotta finish getting ready.”

“Okay, Hun.”

I sauntered back into my room, and closed the door behind me. As I finished getting ready, I couldn’t help but wonder why Abby answered Hayley’s call right away, but wouldn’t answer me. Something was going on. I just knew it. But, wait. If there was, why didn’t she tell Hayley? Oh, she probably figured that Hayley would tell me. Yeah, something was up. My gut was telling me that something wasn’t right. I tried to calm my fears, but the feeling she was mad at me or didn’t want me as a friend anymore wouldn’t go away. This had happened so many times before with friends and past boyfriends. They distanced themselves from me, sometimes completely ghosting me, until I found out, one way or another, that they didn’t want me in their lives anymore. This was all too familiar to me. I knew the signs, and I had a nasty feeling I was about to lose Abby, too.

I didn’t want anything to ruin a fun night with my sister and boyfriend, so I tried my best to shove my feelings aside as I sprayed myself with my favorite perfume, grabbed my purse, and came out of my room, trying to look happy.

At Callahan’s, the three of us split a large basket of boneless buffalo wings and a large basket of fries.

“How is it, Sméagol?” Hayley asked when Sméagol took his first bite of the chicken.

“Spicy,” Sméagol replied, “but very, very good, yes.”

“Is it too hot for you?” I asked.

“Oh, not at all, Precious,” Sméagol said, licking his lips. “No, Sméagol likes it very much, he does.”

“You can dip it in the ranch, too, if you want.”

Sméagol did so. “Oh, so tasty it is,” he said enthusiastically.

Hayley and I laughed softly as the three of us finished our dinner.

While we waited for karaoke to start, Sméagol saw someone out of the corner of his eye. “Is that Abby?” he asked.

“Where?” asked Hayley.

“Across the room, in the corner.”

Oh, no, I thought. I hope it’s not her.

Hayley looked over at the corner of the room. “I don’t know,” she said. “Might be, but she said she was busy tonight. Maybe it’s someone who looks like her.”

“Yes, maybe, Precious,” Sméagol agreed.

Yeah, I hope so, I thought. I hope it’s just someone who kinda looks like her.

Soon, karaoke started, and Sméagol and I were the first ones called up to sing. Our song of choice was “Come What May” from Moulin Rouge. It was our first time singing together as a couple, and it felt so surreal and wonderful. At the end of the song, we threw our arms around each other, kissing passionately. Then, Sméagol wrapped one arm around me, took my hand in his other, and led me back to the table.

Hayley giggled. “Awwww, you two are adorable together.”

We looked at each other, giggling like love-struck teenagers as I nuzzled up in his arms.

“Ow,” I said.

“Awww, what is it, Baby?” Sméagol asked sweetly. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” I chuckled, “I got my hair stuck in your zipper.”

Hayley snickered.

Sméagol giggled. “Awww, you poor thing. Here, let Sméagol help you, Precious.” He gently removed my hair from his zipper, and brushed it over to the side. “There you go, Precious. Now, it won’t get caught again.”

I laughed. “Thanks.”

Sméagol held me closer, and stroked my hair. “Awwww, so beautiful it is.” He ran his fingers through it. “Sméagol loves your hair.” He kissed my cheek. “And your beautiful face… and your beautiful voice… and your beautiful heart.” He squeezed me tightly, giggling and squealing gleefully. “Awwwwww, Sméagol loves everything about you, Baby.”

“Damn it, Sméagol,” I sniffled, holding onto him tighter, “you’re so freaking sweet.”

Sméagol smiled warmly, gently caressing my head and backside.

Soon, it was Hayley’s turn to sing. She sat at the piano, and played and sang Celtic Woman’s beautiful song, “Send Me a Song.” As she was playing, she caught a glimpse of the girl Sméagol was talking about, and even made eye contact with her for a split second.

When she came back to the table, she opened her mouth to speak, but struggled to find the words. “Sméagol?” she said hesitantly.

“What is it, Precious?” Sméagol asked, worried.

She sighed heavily. “You were right.”

“About what?”

“That woman you saw earlier… it was Abby.”

I looked up at Hayley. “What?”

“Yeah,” Hayley said sadly, “she was sitting at a table with some other girls.”

I suddenly felt very hurt. Why would Abby tell us she was busy, but show up to the exact place we invited her to with some other friends?

“Sweetie?” said a worried Hayley. “You okay?”

“I…” I couldn’t speak.

Hayley quickly realized what was going on with me. “Oh, okay, I understand.”

“What is it?” asked a worried Sméagol. “Is my precious alright?”

“Yeah, she’s just having a shutdown,” Hayley explained. “It’s one of her Autistic traits. All her thoughts and feelings are all over the place, imploding inside her. She can’t really speak right now. All her emotions are weighing her down right now.”

“Awww, my poor baby,” Sméagol said sadly. “Is there anything Sméagol can do to help?”

“Hold her. That always helps, and just give her some time.”

“Awww, alright. Come here, Baby.” Sméagol pulled me close again, and held me tightly, stroking and caressing me. “Awww, it’ll be alright. Sméagol’s here. Everything will be alright, Precious.”


	60. Chapter 60

The next day, as Hayley and Sméagol were making lunch, the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it,” I said, marching over to the front door, and opening it to see Abby standing there. “Hi,” I said awkwardly.

“Hey,” she said glumly. “Look, I know I owe you an explanation for last night… and for not answering your texts and calls.” She took a deep breath. “This isn’t easy for me to say, but I wanted to tell you to your face, instead of over a text like Logan.”

“Okay,” I said nervously.

“Look… I’ve been going through some stuff lately.”

“Okay.”

“I won’t get into all the details, but it’s… Things have been really tough for a while, and… I need a break.”

“Um… wh… what do you mean?”

“I’m overwhelmed right now, and you’ve been leaning on me a lot lately. Actually, since we first started being friends, and…” She sighed heavily. “I can’t handle it anymore.”

My heart sank. “So… are you saying we can’t be friends anymore?”

“I’m… I’m sorry. I’m not trying to hurt you. I––”

“No,” I said, trying to act like I was okay. “No, I… I totally understand.”

“Thanks.” Abby stepped forward. “I still really care about you, okay?”

“Okay.”

She reached out to hug me, but I backed up.

“No, no, it’s okay,” I said. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m, um… I’m really sorry I overwhelmed you.”

“Thanks. Well, I guess I’ll go now.”

“Yeah, okay.” I swallowed my tears. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Cheyenne.” With that, she turned and walked away as I stood there for a moment, completely dumbstruck. Then, I slowly backed up, and closed the door. I turned to see Sméagol standing behind me with a sad look in his eyes. As soon as I saw his face, I broke down sobbing.

He threw his arms around me, and held me tightly. “Shhhh,” he said sweetly, “it’s alright, Baby. It’s alright. Sméagol’s here.”

Just then, Hayley joined in on the hug. “Me, too, Sweetheart. I’m here, too. Shhhh, it’s gonna be okay.”


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide talk!

Sméagol and Hayley spent the entire day with me, trying to cheer me up. We watched movies together, ate junk food, and enjoyed each other’s company. I thought I was doing okay. I even went to bed with a smile on my face.

However, I was kept awake by countless voices from my past, people telling me I was a waste of space, an inconvenience, a burden, too much to handle. My mind took an unsolicited trip down the dark side of Memory Lane, to all my failed relationships, friendships that went up in smoke, and numerous bullies who tore me down to size. All the voices were getting louder and louder. It was too much! No, I wasn’t literally hearing voices. It wasn’t psychosis or anything like that. It was more like a build-up of all the hurtful and painful things people have said and done to me, all the horrible, negative thoughts about myself that were drilled into my head on a daily basis. They were imploding inside my mind all at once.

I couldn’t take anymore, so I got out of bed, made my way downstairs, and tiptoed into the kitchen. I turned on the lights, and grabbed a glass of water, anything to shut all my negative thoughts up. Nothing was working. It just kept getting louder. I went into the living room, sat down on the sofa, and hid my face in my hands, sobbing and hyperventilating as the memories and thoughts became louder and louder.

Finally, I couldn’t take anymore. As I made my way back into the kitchen, I wondered if all these people were right. Was I really that horrible person they said I was? I reflected on my friendship with Abby, and I realized just how much I leaned on her. Every time something went wrong, I would always call her up, so I wouldn’t overwhelm Hayley, overwhelming Abby instead. Then, I reflected on past friendships and relationships, and remembered that I did the exact same thing. Not only that, but they had to look out for me all the time. Everything I couldn’t do for myself, they had to do for me. I never treated them like friends or boyfriends. I treated them like they were my caregivers, until they finally had enough. Wow, all those hurtful words, as painful as they were to hear, were a hundred percent right and well deserved.

I went into the music room, ripped a blank sheet of paper out of one of my notebooks, grabbed a pin, and went back into the kitchen. I sat at the table, and tried to think of what to say.

“I’m sorry,” I wrote. “I’m just sorry. I don’t know what else to say other than I’m sorry… for causing everyone so much pain. Everyone was right. I do make people’s lives harder. I put my stuff on others, and I treat them like my caregivers or my therapists or emotional punching bags. I don’t deserve any forgiveness or mercy, so I won’t ask for it. I don’t want your pity or sympathy, none of it. I just wanna stop hurting people. Call me a drama queen all you want. I don’t care anymore, and you’re probably right, but I don’t know how else to fix what I’ve done. So… I guess this is goodbye.”

I rummaged through the drawers, and grabbed a steak knife. No, I thought. Too messy. I put the knife away, and grabbed a random bottle of pills. What were they? I didn’t care. I refilled my glass with water, and poured a small amount of the pills in my hand. I looked at them for a moment with tears in my eyes. The thoughts in my head continued screaming, but this time, they were screaming, “Do it! Do it! Take the pills! Take the fucking pills, so we can be free of you!” Without even thinking about it, I shoved the pills in my mouth, and washed them down with the whole glass of water.

Meanwhile, Sméagol was suddenly awoken by a strange feeling that something wasn’t right. He hurried downstairs, and saw that the kitchen light was on. “Cheyenne?” He called softly. “Precious?” He tiptoed into the kitchen, and his heart jumped out of his chest when he saw me lying on the floor. “Oh, no.” He knelt down to see if I was okay, and found a bottle of pills and an empty glass next to me. “Cheyenne,” he panted as he tapped me, trying desperately to revive me. “Cheyenne, wake up! Please!” he panicked. “Cheyenne! Cheyenne!” he screamed. He hurried into the living room, and found Hayley’s phone on the coffee table. He quickly dialed 911 as he rushed back into the kitchen, kneeling back down next to me. “Yes, unconscious my girlfriend is,” he said to the operator. “I think she swallowed too many pills!”

As the ambulance arrived, Sméagol found my note on the table. His heart shattered when he read the message.

“What’s going on?” Hayley asked as she hurried downstairs. “Why is there an ambulance…” Then, she saw Sméagol cradling me in his arms. “Oh, my God!” she panicked. “Cheyenne!”


	62. Chapter 62

At the hospital, while the doctors treated me, Hayley came back into the waiting room, where Sméagol was hunched forward with his head in his hands. “They’re pumping her stomach now,” she said.

Sméagol didn’t respond.

“They said that she was brought in just in time. If we’d waited much longer…”

“She would be dead,” added Sméagol.

“Yeah.”

Sméagol hid his face in his hands, exhaling forcefully.

“Hey,” Hayley said sweetly as she sat next to Sméagol. “Come here, Sweetie.” She wrapped her arms around him. “It’s okay. She’s gonna be okay.”

“Sméagol should’ve been there sooner,” he wept. “He would’ve stopped her.”

“Awww, Honey…”

“Sméagol should’ve been there.”

“No, Sméagol, don’t put that on yourself.”

“She’s my baby. I should’ve gone to bed with her, not leave her all alone.”

“Sméagol, Sweetheart, listen to me. You didn’t know she was gonna do this. She seemed fine when she went to bed. That’s what depression can do to you sometimes, sneak up on you suddenly.” Hayley sighed heavily. “This is what I’ve had to see so many times, watching her get hurt by people she cares about, one person after another turning their backs on her.” She began to cry. “And, knowing there’s nothing I can do about it, nothing I can do to stop it from happening. Today, I had to watch my sweet little baby sister get hurt again, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.” Her crying escalated into heavy sobbing. “When is it gonna end, Sméagol? When is someone gonna come into her life, not see her as a burden or too much to handle… and just fucking stay? People always say they won’t hurt her, until they do. They promise they won’t leave, but when things get tough, they leave… just because she has a few extra challenges.”

“I won’t leave her,” Sméagol sobbed. “I knows how she feels. People leaves me, too. My whole family leaves me. Sméagol never leave Cheyenne. Sméagol needs her, too. Cannot survive without my baby. My true Precious she is, my love.”

“I’m so grateful for you, Sméagol. She’s my baby, too… and if it wasn’t for you, she wouldn’t be here anymore. You saved her life, Sméagol… more than once.”

“I couldn’t let my baby die, no. I prays she lives.”

“Was that what you were doing when I came out here? Were you praying for her?”

“Yes, Sméagol prays to God for Precious Cheyenne.”

“Well, your prayers worked, Sméagol. God heard you, and she’s gonna be okay.”


	63. Chapter 63

After what seemed like an eternity, the doctor came into the waiting room to update Hayley and Sméagol.

“How is she?” asked Hayley.

“She’s alright now,” the doctor said, “stable, but we do wanna keep her here for a couple nights for observation.”

“Can we see her?”

“She’s resting right now, but yes, you can go see her. She’s in Room 403.”

“Okay. Thank you, Doctor. Come on, Sméagol.”

Hayley led Sméagol to the elevator, which took them to the fourth floor. Then, she led him to the room, where I was still fast asleep. Sméagol hurried over to my side, and climbed into the bed with me. He wrapped his arms, legs, and even his fuzzy tail around me. Yes, he and Hayley were still wearing their onesies.

“It’s alright, Precious,” Sméagol sobbed. “Sméagol’s here. Sméagol stay with you. Not going anywhere, Baby. Everything will be alright.” He gently caressed my body, and planted kisses all over my face. “Sméagol never leave you, Baby, never. Sméagol loves you, my precious, my love. Please never leave me. I needs you, too. So much I needs you, my beautiful, precious baby. I loves you so, so much.” He gently kissed my lips. “You’re not a burden to Sméagol. No, not a burden at all, Precious. Sméagol loves taking care of you. Yes, Sméagol do anything for Precious Cheyenne… even dies for her.”

Hayley wiped tears from her eyes as she watched Sméagol with me.

“Excuse me,” said the nurse. “Would you two like for me to set up cots, so you can stay with her?”

“Yes, that would be great,” Hayley sniffled. “Thanks.”

“Sméagol alright here,” said Sméagol.

“Well, I’ll bring an extra one just in case you decide you need it,” said the nurse.

“Alright.”

“Okay. I’ll be right back.”

Sméagol held me tighter, still caressing my body and kissing my face while sobbing his heart out. He began to sing me a sweet song, one of his own creations. Even through his tears and weeping, he still sang every note perfectly and beautifully.

Hayley broke down sobbing as she listened to him sing, and watched him love me. She sat down in a nearby chair as her sobbing grew heavier, but she wasn’t sad or scared. This time, she was feeling relieved. Seeing someone love me the way Sméagol loves me brought her overwhelming peace, joy, and solace, and right then, she knew everything would be okay.


	64. Chapter 64

A few minutes later, I woke up, still wrapped in Sméagol’s arms, legs, and fuzzy tail. I opened my eyes, and looked up to see him smiling at me with tears still falling from his eyes.

“Hi,” he greeted happily. “Hi, Precious.” He kissed my cheek. “How’s my baby?”

“Tired. Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital, Sweetie.”

I turned to see Hayley standing by my other side.

“How’s my baby sissy-poo?” she asked sweetly.

“Really sleepy,” I said groggily.

“Yeah, they gave you a sedative.”

“What happened?” I was so confused, no recollection of my suicide attempt, not at the moment.

“You took an overdose. They pumped your stomach, cleaned you out, made sure everything’s okay.”

“Oh, shit.” Everything suddenly came back to me all at once––being kept awake by the memories of past abandonments, bullies, and horrible things said to me, trying desperately to silence it all, and of course, my suicide attempt. The last thing I remember is shoving the pills in my mouth, and washing them down with water. The last thing I remember thinking was, “Wait… but I wanna be with Sméagol.”

“Sméagol was the one who found you on the kitchen floor. He called for an ambulance. Sweetie, he saved your life.”

“I…” I suddenly felt very ashamed. “Um… are… you mad at me?”

“No.” Hayley bent over, and gave me a hug. “No, Sweetie, no. I’m not mad at you at all. Why would you think that?”

“Because, I caused you so much trouble…” I sniffled, “again.”

“Awww, Honey. You never, ever cause me any trouble. You never have, and you never will.” She hugged me tighter. “Awww, I know you think you’re a burden to me. I understand why you feel that way. People tell you that all the time, that you’re a burden to them.”

“And, people have even told me I’m a burden to you, too, and that I ruined your life.”

“I know. God, I know, and that makes me so angry, not at you.”

“Sometimes, I wonder what your life would be like if I didn’t rely on you so much, if I wasn’t… disabled… or if I didn’t exist. I wonder if you’d be happier.”

“Awwww, Sweetie. Listen to me. I am happy. Okay? You bring me more joy and happiness than anything ever could. People think that, if I wasn’t your ‘caregiver,’ I’d have gone to school, gotten a ‘better career,’ gotten married, and had kids by now, and I’d be much happier.”

“That’s what I thought, too.”

“But, that’s not true, Baby. First of all, I love my job at the music store. It pays well, and I truly enjoy it. And, taking care of you is my dream. Why do you think I started taking care of you so young? I was the one who decided to. Mom didn’t make me do it. I made that choice on my own, because I wanted it.” She kissed my cheek. “I was so happy when Mom told me I was gonna have a baby sister. I almost felt like you were my baby, too. I remember the first time I held you in my arms. You were so beautiful, the most adorable baby I’d ever seen. I looked into those precious little eyes, and thought, ‘This is my baby sister. She’s my whole world.’ Baby, I have never regretted my decision. I love taking care of you, and I have loved every minute of it. It is my dream, and I swear on all the soft, fluffy sweaters in the world that I am not saying this just to please you. You are everything to me, and if I ever do get married, my hubby better love you as much as I do. Otherwise, I won’t marry him. No man is worth losing the most precious thing in my life. You are a gift from God, and I love you so, so much.”

“I love you, too, Hayley,” I wept. “You’re the best sister ever.”

“So are you, Baby,” Hayley sobbed, hugging me tighter again and kissing my cheek.


	65. Chapter 65

For the next two days, Sméagol and Hayley stayed in the hospital with me. Hayley slept on a cot while Sméagol slept in bed with me. They didn’t want me to be alone, so Hayley would run all the errands, leaving Sméagol to look after me. I felt so loved and so lucky to have an amazing sister who went out of her way to take care of me, and the most amazing boyfriend who never left my side, not once. Well, whenever either of us had to go to the bathroom, yes, but other than that, he was attached to my side. When he was holding me, I knew everything would be okay, and from the way he stayed by my side, I knew he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Hey, guys?” I said. “Can you do me a favor?”

“Sure, Honey,” said Hayley.

“What is it, Precious?” added Sméagol.

“Please don’t tell Abby about what happened,” I said. “I don’t wanna make things worse.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” said Hayley. “We won’t say anything. I’m not too thrilled with her right now, honestly.”

“I’m not mad at her.”

“You’re not?”

“No. She’s only trying to take care of herself, doing what’s best for the sake of her mental health.”

“Yeah, I guess I understand that, but––”

“She was right. I did lean on her a lot. Every time something bad happened, I always went to her. I didn’t realize I was putting too much on her, but at the same time, she’s not the first friend to cut me off for that reason. I guess… I leaned on her, because… I thought she understood me. We were a lot alike in many ways, and I felt like I could tell her anything. And… I never had many people I could tell everything to. I mean, I knew I had you, but you know, I didn’t wanna put all my stuff on you. So… I put it on other people, and that wasn’t fair.”

“Well, at least, now you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And, me, too, Precious,” added Sméagol.

“Yeah, I know I can come to you guys,” I said.

“But, I still think Abby was wrong for turning her back on you,” said Hayley, “but that’s just me. I’m your big sis. I’m always gonna be on your side, always gonna protect you.”

“No, not just you, Precious,” said Sméagol. “Sméagol wish Abby did not hurts Cheyenne, either.”

“Yeah. I mean, at the very least, she could’ve just told you how she was feeling, so you would at least know.”

“Yeah, I would’ve stopped leaning on her so much,” I said. “I probably would’ve stopped altogether, actually.”

“Yeah. You didn’t realize she was feeling overwhelmed. Instead of telling you first, she just cut you off without much of a warning, other than blowing you off and ghosting you. I really just don’t think that’s fair.”

“You know what’s really sad? The reason I was texting her this time was because… I wanted to tell her about how I told Logan off and cut him out of my life, and that Sméagol and I are together now. I was actually gonna tell her something positive. Now, I can’t. She’s gone.”

“Well, that’s her loss.”

“But, yeah, I don’t want her to know I tried to kill myself after she left. Actually, I don’t want a lot of people to know, not right now. I’m still embarrassed.”

Sméagol held me tighter. “Awww, don’t be embarrassed, my precious. Sometimes, sneaky depression drives us to hurts ourselves, even when we doesn’t want to.”

“Yeah. I didn’t want to do it,” I said, “but… I don’t know. I guess I felt like, in that moment, it was the right thing to do. Like, it was the only solution.”

“Because, people turns on you too many times.”

“Exactly, and I felt like… if people don’t want me in their lives anymore, why am I even here? And, I felt like I was doing the world a favor, like everyone would be better off without me.”

“No. Precious, no.” Sméagol caressed my head and shoulders. “Sméagol would not be better off without you. Would not be alright if you were dead.” He began to cry. “I remembers when you said you needs me. Sméagol needs you, too. Very much he does, Precious. I wouldn’t be alive without you, and if you dies… much worse than losing the Precious it would be. Much, much worse, because you, my love, are my true Precious.”


	66. Chapter 66

On the day I was released from the hospital, I made my way to the bathroom to go one more time before leaving. It was hard for me to walk, because I was so tired. Sméagol lifted me into his arms, and carried me all the way to the car. On the way home, Hayley stopped to pick up something for us all to eat. When we got home, I had fallen asleep again. Sméagol unbuckled my seatbelt, lifted me into his arms again, and carried me from the car all the way up to my room. He laid me down in my bed, and tucked me in under all my fuzzy sweater blankets. He bent over to kiss my lips. “Sméagol be back, Precious,” he whispered.

Sméagol went into his room, and changed into a sweater and a pair of sweatpants with a little springy tail. Then, he made his way downstairs, and found Hayley sitting on the back porch. “Hi, Precious,” he greeted cheerfully.

Hayley looked up at Sméagol. “Oh, hey, Sméagol.”

Sméagol sat next to Hayley, and wrapped his arm around her. “Awww, are you alright?”

Hayley smiled sweetly. “I’m okay, Sweetie. I’m just reflecting.”

“Reflecting, Precious? What about?”

“About the past couple of days.” She took a deep breath, and exhaled through her nose. “Watching you with Cheyenne, the way you treat her, I just… I don’t know how to explain it, but…” She thought for a moment, struggling to find the right words. “I guess it brings me peace.”

“Peace?”

“The way you stayed right by her side through it all. You never, ever left. As scary and hard as things got, you stuck it out. You didn’t blink once, didn’t even think of running in the opposite direction. I have never, ever seen any of her other friends and past boyfriends do anything like that, never. Some of them took off running when she had so much as a shutdown. None of them would’ve stuck around through this whole ordeal, but you did. You never budged. You didn’t even wanna sleep in your own cot. You said you were much more comfortable in Cheyenne’s bed.”

“Yes, I was, Precious. I was.”

“You were glued to her side the whole time.”

“Of course, Hayley. Sméagol do anything for beautiful Cheyenne. Sméagol love Cheyenne very, very much.”

“I know you do. I always knew you loved her, but… I was always scared. Not that I didn’t trust you. I––”

“I understands. When it’s been hurt so many times, very hard it is to know who is real… and who is false. Sméagol thought Master was false, Bagginses, Sam. None of them were. They were all good.”

“But, because your whole family shunned you, and the whole world basically wanted you gone, you didn’t know who to trust. You thought everyone hated you, but you wanted to believe someone could love you.”

“Yes, yes, very true.”

“Frodo did love you, Sweetie.”

“Until Sméagol hurts him.”

“No, you didn’t. The stupid piece of shit ring did, and I don’t think Frodo ever stopped caring about you.”

“Sméagol never stopped loving Master, either. Always has loved him… and Sméagol loves Sam… and Bagginses, too… and Faramir and his men and Aragorn and…” He took a deep breath, and his eyes filled with tears. “Sméagol even loves all the elveses and orcses that hurts him.” He put his hand on his heart. “Everybody in Middle Earth Sméagol loves… very much, even those who hurts me.”

“Wow.” Hayley was completely awestruck by Sméagol’s words. “Sounds like you’ve pretty much forgiven everyone who’s hurt you. Not only that, but you actually love them.”

Sméagol thought for a moment. “Not all of them.”

“Who’s left?”

He sighed heavily. “Gollum. Cannot forgives him.”

“Oh, Sweetie.” Hayley put her arm around Sméagol. “You will someday… when you’re ready.”

Sméagol returned the embrace. “Sméagol understands why Hayley was afraid. Did not want Cheyenne to get hurt again, did she?”

“You’re right, and I guess… I saw how much she loves you. I didn’t want her to be devastated again, because I knew I would lose her forever if she lost you.” With that, Hayley broke down sobbing again.

“Oh, Precious.” Sméagol pulled Hayley into a warm, tight hug. “Sméagol never leave Cheyenne, Sweetie, never.”

“I know that now.”

“Sméagol needs Cheyenne, too. Would not be alive without her. If I ever lost her… I knows I would die, too. Cheyenne is my baby, my whole world she is.”

“I know that now. Watching you with her these past few days, it really proved to me that you really do love her, and you’re not going anywhere.”

“No, never.”

“You’ve seen her at her worst, and you’re still here. Nobody else ever did that for her. Then again, I know how determined you are. Once you set your mind to something, you never, ever give up, even if things get really difficult and crazy. I guess you’ve set your mind to loving Cheyenne, and… you’re not giving up on her.”

“Nope.” Sméagol gave Hayley a mischievous smile. “Cheyenne stuck with Sméagol.”

Hayley and Sméagol burst into long and loud laughter.


	67. Chapter 67

Later that afternoon, Hayley went out again to run some errands while Sméagol stayed by my bedside, watching over me. He left for a moment to use the bathroom, take a shower, brush his teeth, and change into a onesie. I woke up to the sound of him humming cheerfully in a soft, high voice. The sound was very sensory pleasing to me, so I started rubbing my sweater blankets, grinning and giggling like a little girl. I took my favorite sweater blanket, and held it up in the air, looking at the soft texture against the lighting in my room. I giggled as the visual stimuli tickled my mind. I rubbed it against my cheeks and my nose, still giggling and snickering like the knucklehead I am. “Sweeeaaaterrr!” I squealed softly. “It’s so soft and fluffy and tickly!” Then, I heard the sound of Sméagol giggling as he zipped his onesie, and my heart fluttered as I tickled my neck and face with my sweater blanket. “Sweeeaaaterrr!” I squealed again. I made silly little squealing sounds while I snuggled the blanket, rubbing against my face.

“Hi!” Sméagol squealed happily as he walked into my room in his onesie.

I was still playing with my sweater blanket, giggling and squealing like a complete dorko.

“What are you doing, you silly?” Sméagol teased in the cutest tone.

“My sweater is tickling me!” I laughed. “It’s so fluffy and soft!”

Sméagol giggled and squealed happily as he jumped into the bed with me. “Can Sméagol play, too, Precious? Sméagol wants to play!”

I squealed even more. “Oh, my gosh, the way you said ‘play!’ I love your accent and your voice! It’s so cute and sweatery!”

Sméagol giggled sweetly as he threw his arms around me, tickling my sides. “Awwww, it’s so cute! Yes, so cute my precious is!”

I burst out laughing. Then, I started tickling Sméagol. I started tickling his face with the blanket. Then, I migrated to his sides. Sméagol squeaked with loud, uncontrollable giggling when I started tickling his belly. Oh, my gosh, it was the cutest, most adorable sound I’d ever heard, and it made me fall even more in love with him, if that was even possible. I wrapped my arms around him, and held onto him tightly.

“What is it, Precious?” he asked sweetly.

“Just… the way you were giggling when I tickled your belly,” I said. “It was so cute and adorable and…” I sighed happily. “Damn it, I love you, Sméagol. I love you so freaking much.”

“Awwwwwwwwww!” Sméagol cried, squeezing me tightly, but obviously not too tight. “Baby!” he squealed. “Sméagol loves you, too! Awwwwwwww!” He rubbed my back, and planted little kisses all over my face. “Yes, I do, Precious! I do, yes! I loves you very, very much! Mmmmmm, my beautiful little babyface!”

This cheerful, loving, playful side of Sméagol was so beautiful to me, and I couldn’t help but fall in love with him even more. I held onto him for dear life as I kissed his lips.

“Awwwww.” He held my face in his hands, and kissed me passionately. “So delicious your kisses are, Precious, so juicy sweeeeeeet!” he singsonged.

Damn, his voice was so lovely! That crazy high note he hit when singing the word “sweet,” and that angelic, soft, sweet, fast vibrato, it all sounded so perfect and… amazing. We continued kissing and making out. Then, he slowly moved his hands down my neck, but stopped before reaching my chest.

“Go ahead,” I whispered.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“I’m sure.”

He slid his hands further down, until he was caressing my boobs.

I smiled as I ran my hands down his belly.

“He giggled. “Go ahead, Precious,” he whispered.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yes.”

I moved my hands further down, until I felt his erect penis behind the zipper. I suddenly became very excited. I lifted up my nightdress, and gestured to him.

He grabbed the bottom of my nightdress, and pulled it over my head. He hung it on the side of my headboard. Then, he unzipped his onesie, giggling at the sound the zipper made and the way it tickled his body. He removed his onesie, and hung it on the headboard with my nightdress. Neither one of us were wearing any undergarments, so we were both seeing each other completely naked for the first time. Sméagol was seeing my extra weight, body acne, and self-harm scars, and I was seeing all the scars he had accumulated from injuries he had sustained over the years, including when Sauron and his servants tortured him. It was heartbreaking to see those scars up close, but it was beautiful at the same time. I wondered what he would think of my body flaws, however.

“Oh, so beautiful you are, Precious,” Sméagol sighed.

“So are you, Sméagol. Gosh, you’re incredibly beautiful.”

We held onto each other as we made out. Then, I moved my hands back down to his genitals. He’d already ejaculated and gone soft again, but I rubbed his penis gently to stimulate it again. He ran his fingers over my boobs, stimulating my nipples. Then, he took my boobs in his hands, and kissed them softly. He then moved his hands further down, until he reached my vagina. He gently ran his fingers outside of it, and then, he moved them inward. He fingered me gently, rubbing and stimulating my cliterus. Then, he laid me on my back, and wrapped my legs around his body, allowing him to move in closer to insert his penis inside my vagina. There was no struggle, no difficulty getting it in. His penis was the perfect size. He moved his body up and down as we held on tightly to each other. I kissed his bare chest. He kissed my lips. The sex was mind-blowing, amazing, powerful, even more incredible than the sex with Logan. It lasted much longer. Although, I have no real guesstimate of how much time went by. I was too deep in the moment to even care.


	68. Chapter 68

After it was over, Sméagol lay next to me, wrapped his arms around me, and held me against his bare chest as we both tried to catch our breath.

“Holy shit, that was amazing,” I panted.

“Yes,” Sméagol agreed, “incredible it was, Precious.”

“Was this your first time?”

“Yes. Yes, it was.”

“Damn, Sméagol, you seemed like you really knew what you were doing. How did you… know what to do?”

“I follows my heart.”

I smiled, completely awestruck. “Wow, well, you have a smart heart.”

Sméagol giggled. “Was it your first time, too, Precious?”

“Second.”

“Who was first? Was it Logan?”

“Yeah, it was.”

“Was it as good?”

“Nope. I mean, it was great. Don’t get me wrong, but…” I beamed at Sméagol. “It was nothing compared to this, because… I didn’t love him nearly as much as I love you.”

Sméagol smiled warmly. “You loved him a lot, did you?”

“Yeah.”

“But, you say not nearly as much as… you love Sméagol?”

“Nowhere near as much, not even close. I’ve never loved anyone this much.”

“Awwww.”

“Hey, Sméagol?”

“Hmmmm?”

“What did you see… when you saw my body? Like… did you see all the… all the flaws?”

“What flaws, Precious?”

“Like… the extra weight and pimples and… my scars?”

“Yes, Sméagol see them, but… why does it call them flaws? Only part of you they are, Love.”

“Do you think they’re… ugly or disgusting or gross?”

“No. No, not at all, Sweetheart. Nothing about you is ugly or nasty. Only beauty Sméagol sees when he looks at you.”

“Only Hayley knows, but I’m really self-conscious about my weight. I’ve been called fat before, been told that I need to lose weight.”

“It’s not true, my love. You are not fat, not ugly at all. So lovely you are.”

I smiled brightly. “Thanks, Sméagol.”

“Where did it get its scars?”

“I…” I hesitated, still ashamed to admit it out loud. “I used to self-harm.”

“Self-harm?”

“Cut myself, scratch myself, sometimes slap and punch myself, too.”

“SIB?”

“No, I don’t have SIB.”

“Why did it self-harm, Precious?”

“I, um… I used to do it as a way to punish myself.”

“For what?”

“For screwing up.”

“I don’t understands.”

“I, um… I used to be in an abusive relationship.”

“With Logan?”

“No. It was before Logan, a few years back. His name was Kai.”

“Kai?”

“Yeah, Kai Arbour. We were together for a few months, but… in that time, he did a lot of damage.”

“What did it do to my poor baby?” Sméagol asked in the sweetest tone.

“Well, he, um…” It was still so difficult to talk about, but I knew I could trust Sméagol. “He hit me, called me horrible names like… retard, blind bitch, ugly fat prude, because I didn’t wanna have sex with him. I wasn’t ready, but he kept pressuring me. Every time I said no, he insulted me. He called me disabled, said nobody would ever love me, because I’m too fucked up.” I began to tear up. “When he was in a good mood, he was all sweet and charming, but… when he was in a bad mood, I was his emotional punching bag. The slightest mistake would set him off. Eventually, I felt like… the only way to stop him from hitting me was to… hurt myself instead. So, every time I screwed up, I would beat myself, cut and scratch myself, slap myself, all that fun stuff. It didn’t always work, but… by the time I finally broke up with him, I… already became addicted to hurting myself every time I made a mistake.”

“Awwwwww,” Sméagol said sadly, caressing my head and shoulders, “my poor Precious.” He held me closer. “Sméagol so sorry.” He looked me in the eyes. “Sméagol never do that to you, Baby. You knows that, doesn’t you?”

“I know you wouldn’t. You’re too sweet and kind.”

“No, Sméagol never hurt Precious Cheyenne, never.”

I held onto him. “You wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

Sméagol smiled sadly. “No, never.” Then, he changed the subject. “Did Cheyenne see Sméagol’s scars?”

“Yeah, I did,” I said sadly.

“What did it think?”

“Well… since I know where they came from… seeing them up close was heartbreaking for me… but at the same time, it’s really beautiful, too. I mean, knowing how you got them really breaks my heart, but… they’re your battle scars. They’re like little stories from your life written all over your body, stories of your struggles and horrible things you went through, and how you survived them. You came out even stronger. Your scars are beautiful, because they’re a symbol of your strength and courage.”

“Oh, Sweetie!” Sméagol cried, hugging me tightly again. “Bless you. Bless you from the bottom of my heart, my precious.”

“I only wish I could’ve been there for you through it all, like when Sauron found you.”

“What would it do?”

“Honestly… I would’ve told you to run for it, and let him torture me instead.”

Sméagol’s jaw dropped open in shock. “What?!”

“That’s how much I love you,” I said, tearing up again, “I would take the fall for you.”

Sméagol suddenly burst into tears. “Oh, Precious,” he sobbed, wrapping his arms and his legs around me, holding onto me for dear life. “Sméagol wouldn’t let that happen to you, no.”

“But, I wouldn’t wanna leave you,” I wept.

“I wouldn’t, either, Baby.”

“I would do anything for you, Sméagol, anything.”

“Awwww, Baby!” Sméagol kissed my forehead and my cheeks as he continued holding and caressing me. “Sméagol do anything for you, too, Precious. I loves you so very much.”


	69. Chapter 69

Sméagol and I spent a few more minutes in bed, holding onto each other.

“Baby?” Sméagol said.

“Yeah?” I responded.

“Sméagol wants to go outside. Want to come?”

“Yeah, sure. Lemme just go to the bathroom, clean up, and get dressed.”

“Alright. Sméagol get dressed, too.”

I made my way to the bathroom to do my business and brush my teeth. Then, I went back into my room to put on a comfy house dress, and saw Sméagol zipping himself up in his onesie again. “You wanna wear your onesie outside?”

Sméagol smiled at me. “Why not?”

I nodded in agreement. Sméagol looked so adorable and sweet in those onesies. I honestly wouldn’t mind if he wore them all the time, even in public. Would people stare at him? Sure, but whatever. If it made him happy, I would never stop him. “Well, I think you look really cute in those onesies anyway,” I said.

“Awwww, you looks cute in your little dress.”

I smiled and blushed.

“Ready, Precious?”

“Hold on.” I grabbed my phone, and texted Hayley to let her know where we would be, in case she came back before we did. Then, I slipped my feet into a pair of comfortable sandals. “Okay, I’m ready.”

Sméagol approached me, and lifted me into his arms.

“Oh, you’re gonna carry me,” I said, surprised.

Sméagol just giggled.

“Wow, you’re strong.”

“Oh, Cheyenne’s not that heavy.”

We continued talking as he slowly carried me out of my room and down the stairs.

“Yeah, I mean, you carried me out of the hospital,” I said.

“And, Sméagol carries you from the car.”

I loved hearing Sméagol use modern nouns like “car,” “phone,” or “computer.” I don’t know why. It excited me for some reason. Maybe it was because he was adjusting to modern life really quickly, and he seemed to like it a lot.

“You tucked me under all those sweater blankets, didn’t you?”

Sméagol smiled warmly. “Yes,” he said with a giggle. “Sméagol take good care of beautiful Cheyenne. Oh!” he suddenly squeaked.

“What’s wrong?” Damn, that squeak was too cute. It made my heart flutter.

“My tail, Precious! It’s stuck!” Somehow, he managed to get his tail caught in the banister.

“Oh, shit!” I laughed. “Can you get it unstuck, or do you need to put me down?”

“No. Sméagol can do it. Not letting go of my baby.” He kissed my face as he crouched down a bit, trying to free his tail. “Almost, Precious. I almost has it.” He tried moving forward, and his tail suddenly broke free, bouncing and springing in all directions. He squealed with laughter, making me laugh in the process.

“Oh, my God, that was too funny!” I laughed.

Sméagol’s laughter turned into uncontrollable, adorable, squeaky giggling. “It tickles, Precious! It tickles!”

“What does?”

“My tail! It wiggles and bounces! It tickles my butt!” All of Sméagol’s onesies were designed where the tail was at the bottom area of his butt, right where the incredibly long zipper ended. How Sméagol managed to zip himself up without zipping his gooch or his genitals, I will never know, but I guess he was very careful, or maybe he never unzipped all the way when removing them.

I roared with laughter at his statement, causing him to giggle and squeak even more. Oh, God, it was so adorable and sweet, his laughter and squealing. He sounded like a sweet, innocent child with a pure, loving heart. It always tugged at my heartstrings whenever I heard it.

Sméagol headed out the door, still carrying me in his arms. He carefully closed it behind him. He started walking, until we reached the field where we first met. He found a large stump, and sat down on it, cradling me in his arms. He held me close, and I nuzzled up against his chest. He softly stroked my hair. “Awwww, you’re so beautiful,” he said so sweetly. “You knows that, Precious?” He looked into my eyes. “Awww, Sméagol wish Cheyenne could see how special she is.” He kissed my cheek and giggled softly. “Look at those little cheekses. So adorable they are, like a baby’s face it is.”

I blushed and grinned like an idiot.

“Awwww, look at that beautiful smile,” he said in a cutesy voice, “those precious little dimpleses.” He giggled and gently pinched my cheeks. “Awwww, so cute you are!”

I giggled.

He squealed happily. “Awwww, that little giggle, so adorable it is!”

I giggled even more, rubbing the sleeve of his fluffy onesie.

He gave me the cutest smile. “What’s it doing, Precious?” he said in a cutesy voice.

“Your onesie is so soft and fluffy,” I said. “It feels like a sweater.”

Sméagol giggled again.

“Then again, you’re a fluffy sweater.”

Sméagol smiled, confused. “Sméagol is a fluffy sweater?”

I snickered. “Yeah. I’m comparing you to one, and if you actually were a sweater, you’d be the world’s softest, fluffiest, cuddliest sweater.”

“Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!” Sméagol cooed with a sweet, loving giggle, throwing his arms around me. “Here. Get up for a moment, Sweetie.” I did so as he scooted back a few inches, and spread his legs out a bit. “Here, Sweetie,” he said, gesturing to the open space. “Sit here.”

I timidly sat between his legs, not wanting to hurt him, so I sat on the edge of the stump.

“Scoot back, Baby,” he said reassuringly. “Come closer.”

“I… I don’t wanna hurt you,” I said hesitantly.

“Awww, you won’t, Precious. You won’t. Come, sit closer to Sméagol.”

I scooted back a tad. “Um… further?” I asked hesitantly.

“Awwww, come here.’ Sméagol wrapped his arms around my body, and scooted me closer to him, until I was sitting right against him. “Baby, it’s alright. It’s not hurting Sméagol, no. Not at all, my love. No, it feels wonderful. Now, Sméagol be your sweater.” With that, he wrapped his arms around me again, holding me tightly against his chest, and he closed his legs in a bit tighter. “There you go, Precious. How does that feel?”

I rested my head on his chest. “Amazing,” I responded, “like a warm, fluffy sweater cocoon.”

Sméagol sighed happily.

“Are you sure I’m not hurting you, though? Like, I’m not crushing your nuts?”

He giggled, and I felt the vibration of his laughter in his tummy and his chest. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. “Awwww, no, Precious, not hurting me at all, no. Sméagol is very comfy. Never been so comfy.”

“Really?”

“Mmhmm. Very happy Sméagol is, yes, holding beautiful Cheyenne.”

“Spooning,” I said.

“What?”

“You’re spooning me.”

He giggled again, and once more, I felt his belly jiggle. “Sméagol likes that.”

“Sméagol… you literally have the sweetest laugh I’ve ever heard. Like… ever, and… I love how your belly jiggles every time you giggle. It’s so cute.”

He giggled even more. “Awwww, you sweet little honey cake.” He squeezed me tighter. “Oh, Sméagol so happy you’re still alive.”

I sighed sadly. “Me, too. I… I don’t know why I did that.”

“You were hurting, Baby. So much pain you were in. Abby leaving devastated you, it did.”

“Yeah, I guess it triggered every bad memory of every person who walked out on me or bullied me. I was hearing the voices of people from my past telling me I was a waste of space, worthless, a burden, a shitty friend, and that they wished I didn’t exist. I mean, I wasn’t literally hearing voices. They were more like flashbacks, all of them merging together at once, until it became too much to handle. Then, it was like I heard them shouting, ‘Kill yourself, you piece of shit. The world would be better off without you.’ So… I grabbed a glass of water and a bottle of pills. The last thing I remember was washing them down with the water.” My eyes filled with tears again. “The last thing I remember thinking before I blacked out was… I wanna be with Sméagol.”

Tears began to form in Sméagol’s eyes, too, as he had a crazy realization. “That’s what woke Sméagol up.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wakes up when you blacksed out. A horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, telling me very wrong something was. You were calling for me.”

“I guess I was. I felt so trapped, though, in that black hole of pain and torment. I didn’t know how to escape. It seemed so simple. Just go wake you up, and tell you how I was feeling, but… I don’t know. It was like something was holding me back from doing so. The notion that… I’m a burden to people, that’s what stopped me. I leaned on Abby too much. I didn’t feel like I could lean on you or Hayley anymore, or I would drive you off, too. That thought right before I blacked out, it was a desperate cry for help, but I didn’t think anyone would hear it, seeing as it was just a thought and not me actually screaming for help. But… somehow, you heard me… and you saved me.” I looked at him in amazement. “It’s like… we can communicate, even without talking, like we can talk to each other telepathically if we need to. Like, before you came, I held that doll, and said that I really need you. You heard my call. You heard my heart, even before I knew who you were, and you answered my call in the nick of time. Sméagol, you truly are an angel of mercy and love and healing. Like, right now, I’m having no negative thoughts running through my brain, only happy thoughts. I feel at peace. Every time I’m in your presence, I feel so peaceful and happy, like everything’s gonna be okay. Even when shit gets really tough, you always make it better. Just by loving me, you make all my troubles disappear.”

“Oh, Precious.” Sméagol burst into tears again. “You saved Sméagol, too.”

“I did?” I was stunned.

“Yes, you did.”

“How the fuck did I do that?”

Sméagol laughed through his tears. “You loved me, even before we meets. Never did it look at Sméagol, and see a monster or a villain. It saw the good in Sméagol, believed he deserves better, a second chance. My precious, I wouldn’t be here if not for you. Sméagol heard your cries for help, even before you reaches out to me, before you knew anything about me. Then, I reaches out for help, my spirit.”

“And, the elves helped you.”

“Yes. Yes, they did, but none of it would’ve happened without you, my love. Then, you shows me I matters, that I deserves love. You were kind to me. Never judged me once, never lost patience with me. You helps me find my purpose. So long, I thought my only purpose was the Precious. Then, I finds the true Precious.” He looked into my eyes. “You. You, my beautiful, precious love, my baby.” As he leaned in to kiss me, he caught a glimpse of something from the corner of his eye. He backed up, and his mouth dropped open.

“What?” I asked. “What’s up?”

“Yellow Flag Irises,” he exhaled in elation, “Sméagol’s favorite flower. I remembers. The Gladden Fields, by the river.”

“Yellow Flag Irises are your favorite flower?” I inquired. “I didn’t know that. Where are they?”

“By the water.” Sméagol took hold of my head, and gently pointed it in the direction.

I scanned and focused very hard. “I see them!” I gasped excitedly. “Wow… they’re so gorgeous. I can see why they’re your favorite flower.”

Sméagol gave me a cute smile. “Second favorite, Precious.”

“Oh,” I said, confused. “Well, what’s your first then?”

He didn’t speak. He just leaned in, and kissed my lips softly.

I blushed with a silly grin on my face. “Me?”

He giggled. “Yes.”

I sank back against his chest. “Hey, Sméagol?”

“Hmmmm?”

“Can you please sing something to me?”

He giggled warmly. “Of course, my love. Come here.” He wrapped his long arms around me again, and tightened his legs around me, so I would feel like I was in a warm, fluffy sweater cocoon. He kissed the top of my head, and began to sing me a sweet song, another one of his own creations. His voice was so pure, angelic, sweet, warm, and devastatingly beautiful. What made it even more heart-wrenching, but in a good way, was his very fast vibrato. I couldn’t get over how much sweeter that made his already sweet voice sound, almost as if the vibrato was the unlimited amount of love, warmth, and kindness in his heart, dancing in his singing, adding to its beauty. I don’t know how else to explain how it sounded to me, but God, I loved it.

I turned my head to the side, nuzzling up against his chest, but being careful not to get my hair stuck in his zipper again. He gently brushed it away for me. I felt more tears forming in my eyes, and I let them fall. His singing was too beautiful and wonderful; I couldn’t help but cry. It touched me so deeply, just as he had, too, by being his kind, loving self. He played with my hair in an attempt to comfort me as I wept. Then, as he finished his song, he held me tighter, still caressing my head and playing with my hair.

“Shhhh,” he said gently, “it’s alright, my precious. Sméagol’s here. Sméagol’s here, Baby.”

I held onto Sméagol for dear life, sobbing uncontrollably, but not in sadness. My tears were only of joy, gratitude, and deep, deep love for a beautiful, sweet, loving, caring, affectionate, selfless, talented, strong, amazing hobbit, and in my eyes, the most incredible person in the world. “I love you,” I wailed. “I love you so much, Sméagol.”

“Awwwww,” he cried, “I loves you, too, Baby. So much I loves you, my precious.” He kissed me passionately as the sun began to dip behind the trees, creating another rainbow effect in the sky. I remembered the last time I saw a sunset with Sméagol, and I realized that, maybe his loving, innocent, playful spirit was creating such heavenly beauty. It was definitely possible, since he was capable of making miracles happen. After all, look what he did for me. He went from being a fictional character in an epic story to a real-life person, all for me. I was blessed. I was truly blessed.

Thank you, God, I thought to myself as I held on tighter.

“Awwwwww.” Sméagol giggled sweetly as he held on tighter to me, too. “My baby, I love you so, so much, and I always will.”

Wow, what an angel. Most would say he’s an unexpected angel. I guess I would agree with that statement, but for me, it meant something totally different––an unexpected angel who came from the realms of the fictional world to be with me, love me, and save my life.


End file.
